THE FLEA AND THE PROFESSOR
ONCE upon a time there was a balloonist with whomthings went badly;the balloon burst,and the man camedown and was dashed to pieces.He had sent his boy downwith the parachute minutes before:that was lucky forthe boy.He was unhurt,and went about with great abili-ties for becoming a balloonist,but he had no balloon,andno means of getting one.
Live he must,and so he laid himself out to acquirethe art of legerdemain,and to be able to talk with hisstomach,which is called being a ventriloquist.
He was young and good－looking,and when he got amoustache,and was dressed in good clothes,he mighthave been taken for a nobleman's son.The ladies thoughthim beautiful:one young lady was so enchanted with hisbeauty and his cleverness,that she accompanied him tostrange towns and countries;there he called himself Profes-sor;less it could not be.
His constant thought was to get a balloon and fly inthe air with his little wife,but as yet they had not themeans.
"They will come,"said he.
"If only they would,"said she.
"We are young people!and now I am a Professor.Even crumbs are bread!"
She helped him faithfully,sat by the door and soldtickets for the performance,and that was a cold entertain－ment in winter.She helped him also in one trick.He puthis wife in a table-drawer,a big table-drawer;she creptinto the back drawer,and so was not to be seen from thefront;it was like an optical illusion.
But one evening,when he pulled the drawer out,shehad gone;she was not in the front drawer,nor in the backdrawer,nor in the whole house—not to be seen,not to beheard.It was her clever trick.She never came back.Shewas tired of it,and he became tired of it,lost his goodhumour,could not talk or play tricks any more,and sonobody came;the profits became poor,his clothes be－came poor;he owned at last only a huge flea,an inheri－tance from his wife,and therefore he thought so much ofit.So he trained it,taught it to do clever tricks,taught itto present arms,and fire a cannon.
The Professor was proud of the flea,and it wasproud of itself;it had learnt something and had humanblood in it,and had been in the biggest towns,had beenseen by princes and princesses,and had won their highadmiration.It appeared printed in the newspapers and onplacards.It knew that it was famous,and could maintaina Professor,yes,even a whole family.
Proud and famous it was,and yet,when it and theProfessor travelled,they went fourth class on the railway;that travels just as quickly as the first.There was a tacitpromise that they would never separate,never marry,theflea would remain a bachelor,and the Professor a widow－er.It comes to the same thing.
"Where one has the greatest success,"said the Pro－fessor,"one should not come twice."He was a judge ofcharacter,and that is also an art.
At last he had travelled in all countries except sav-age countries,and so he decided to go there;there,in－deed,they ate Christian men,the Professor knew,but hewas not really a Christian,and the flea was not really aman,so he imagined that they might venture to travelthere and have good fortune.
They travelled by steamship and sailing ship;theflea went through his tricks,and so they travelled free onthe way and came to the country of the savages.
Here reigned a little Princess;she was only eightyears old,but she reigned.She had taken the power fromher father and mother,for she had a will and was excep－tionally charming and naughty.As soon as the flea hadpresented arms and fired the cannon,she was so enchant－ed with it,that she said,"Him,or no one!"She becamequite wild with love,and was already wild before that. "Sweet little sensible child!"said her father,"if onecould first make a man of it!"
"Leave that to me,old man!"said she,and it wasnot nicely said by a little princess,who talks to herfather,but she was wild.
She set the flea on her little hand."Now you are aman ruling with me,but you shall do what I wish,or Ishall kill you and eat the Professor."
The Professor got a big room to live in.The wallswere made of sugar-cane—he could go and lick them,buthe had not a sweet tooth.He got a hammock to sleep in.Itwas as if he lay in a balloon such as he had always wishedfor,and which was his constant thought.
The flea stayed with the Princess sat on her littlehand and on her smooth neck.She had taken a hair fromher head,and the Professor had to tie it to the leg of theflea,and so she kept it tied to the great piece of coralwhich she wore in her ear.
It was a delightful time for the Princess,also for theflea,she thought;but the Professor was not quite at hisease;he was a traveller,and liked to go from town totown,and to read in the newspapers about his perseveranceand cleverness in teaching a flea all human actions.Day inand day out he lay in his hammock,dozed,and got goodfood—fresh eggs,elephants'eyes,and giraffe steak;can－nibals do not live only on human flesh,that is a delicacy."Child's shoulder with sharp sauce,"said the mother ofthe Princess,"is the most delicate!"
The Professor was wearied,and wished to get awayfrom the savage country,but he must have the flea withhim,it was his prodigy and bread-winner.How could heget it?That was not so easy.He strained all his powers ofthought,and then he said,"Now I have it!"
"Princess-father;vouchsafe me something to do!MayI exercise the inhabitants of this country in presentations, or introductions;that is what one calls culture in the great-est countries of the world."
"And what can you teach me?"said the father of thePrincess.
"My greatest art,"said the Professor—"to fire a can－non,so that the whole earth trembles,and all the nicestbirds of the air fall down cooked!That makes a noise!"
"Come with the cannon!"said the Princess－father.
But in the whole country there was no cannon,exceptthe one the flea had brought,and that was too little.
"I will make a bigger one,"said the Professor;"give me only the materials;I must have fine silk,needleand thread,rope and cord,together with stomach dropsfor the balloon—they puff up,make lighter and lift up;they make the explosion in the stomach of the cannon."
All that he demanded he got.
The whole country came together to see the big can－non.The Professor did not call before he had the balloonquite ready to fill up and to ascend.
The flea sat on the Princess's hand and looked on. The balloon was filled up,it bulged out and could scarce－ly be held,it was so wild.
"I must take it up into the air,so that it may becooled,"said the Professor,and took his seat in the bas－ket which hung under it."But I cannot manage to steer italone.I must have an experienced companion with me tohelp me.There is no one here but the flea who can dothat!"
"I am not willing to allow It!"said the Princess, but passed the flea to the Professor,who set it on hishand.
"Let go the ropes and cords!"said he."Now theballoon goes off!"
They thought he said,"Cannon!"
And so the balloon went higher and higher,up overthe clouds,away from the savage land.The littlePrincess,with her father and mother and all the people,stood and waited.They wait still,and if you don't be－lieve it,go to the savage land,where every child talksabout the flea and the Professor,and believes that theywill come again when the cannon is cooled,but they comenot,they are at home with us,they are in their father－land,ride on the railway,first class,not fourth;theyhave good fortune and a huge balloon.No one asks howthey have got the balloon,or from where they have it;they are well－to－do and honourable people,the flea andthe Professor.
跳蚤和教授
从前有一个气球驾驶员；他很倒霉，他的轻气球炸了，他落到地上来，跌成肉泥。两分钟以前，他把他的儿子用一张降落伞放下来了：这孩子真算是运气。他没有受伤。他表现出相当大的本领可以成为一个气球驾驶员，但是他没有气球，而且也没有办法弄到一个。
他得生活下去，因此他就玩起一套魔术来：他能叫他的肚皮讲话——这叫做“腹语术”。他很年轻，而且漂亮。当他留起一撮小胡子，穿起一身整齐的衣服的时候，人们可能把他当做一位贵族的少爷。太太小姐们认为他漂亮。有一个年轻女子被他的外表和法术迷到了这种地步，她甚至和他一同到外国和外国的城市里去，他在那些地方自称为教授——他不能有比教授更低的头衔。
他唯一的思想是要获得一个轻气球，同他亲爱的太太一起飞到天空中去。不过到目前为止，他还没有办法。
“办法总会有的！”他说。
“我希望有，”她说。
“我们还年轻，何况我现在还是一个教授呢。面包屑也算面包呀！”
她忠心地帮助他，她坐在门口，为他的表演卖票。这种工作在冬天可是一种很冷的玩艺儿。她在一个节目中也帮了他的忙。他把太太放在一张桌子的抽屉里——一个大抽屉里。她从后面的一个抽屉爬进去，在前面的抽屉里人们是看不见她的。这给人一种错觉。
不过有一天晚上，当他把抽屉拉开的时候，她却不见了。她不在前面的一个抽屉里，也不在后面的一个抽屉里。整个的屋子里都找不着她，也听不见她的声音。她有她的一套法术。她再也没有回来。她对她的工作感到腻烦了。他也感到腻烦了，再也没有心情来笑或讲笑话，因此也就没有谁来看了。收入渐渐少了，他的衣服也渐渐变坏了。最后他只剩下一只大跳蚤——这是他从他太太那里继承得来的一笔遗产，所以他非常爱它。他训练它，教给它魔术，教它举枪敬礼，放炮——不过是一尊很小的炮。
教授因跳蚤而感到骄傲；它自己也感到骄傲。它学习到了一些东西，而且它身体里有人的血统。它到许多大城市去过，见过王子和公主，获得过他们高度的赞赏。它在报纸和招贴上出现过。它知道自己是一个名角色，能养活一位教授，是的，甚至能养活整个家庭。
它很骄傲，又很出名，不过当它跟这位教授在一起旅行的时候，在火车上总是坐第四等席位——这跟头等相比，走起来当然是一样快。他们之间有一种默契：他们永远不分离，永远不结婚；跳蚤要做一个单身汉，教授仍然是一个鳏夫。这两件事情是半斤八两，没有差别。
“一个人在一个地方获得了极大的成功以后，”教授说，“就不宜到那儿再去第二次！”他是一个会辨别人物性格的人，而这也是一种艺术。
最后他走遍了所有的国家；只有野人国没有去过——因此他现在就决定到野人国去。在这些国家里，的确，人们会把信仰基督教的人吃掉。教授知道这事情，但是他并不是一个真正的基督教徒，而跳蚤也不能算是一个真正的人。因此他就认为他们可以冒险到这些地方去发一笔财。
他们坐着汽船和帆船去。跳蚤把它所有的花样都表演出来了，所以他们在整个航程中没有花一个钱就到了野人国。
这儿的统治者是一位小小的公主。她只有八岁，但是却统治着国家。这种权力是她从父母的手中拿过来的。因为她很任性，但是分外地美丽和顽皮。
跳蚤刚举枪敬了礼，放了炮，她就被跳蚤迷住了，她说，“除了它以外，我什么人也不要！”她热烈地爱上了它，而且她在没有爱它以前就已经疯狂起来了。
“甜蜜的、可爱的、聪明的孩子！”她的父亲说，“只希望我们能先叫它变成一个人！”
“老头子，这是我的事情！”她说。作为一个小公主，这样的话说得并不好，特别是对自己的父亲，但是她已经疯狂了。
她把跳蚤放在她的小手中。“现在你是一个人，和我一道来统治；不过你得听我的话办事，否则我就要把你杀掉，把你的教授吃掉。”
教授得到了一间很大的住房。墙壁是用甜甘蔗编的——他可以随时去舔它，但是他并不喜欢吃甜东西。他睡在一张吊床上。这倒有些像是躺在他一直盼望着的那个气球里面呢。这个轻气球一直萦绕在他的思想之中。
跳蚤跟公主在一起，不是坐在她的小手上，就是坐在她柔软的脖颈上。她从头上拔下一根头发来。教授得用它绑住跳蚤的腿。这样，她就可以把它系在她珊瑚的耳坠子上。
对公主说来，这是一段快乐的时间。她想，跳蚤也该是同样快乐吧。可是这位教授颇有些不安。他是一个旅行家，他喜欢从这个城市旅行到那个城市去，喜欢在报纸上看到人们把他描写成为一个怎样有毅力，怎样聪明，怎样能把一切人类的行动教给一个跳蚤的人。他日日夜夜躺在吊床上打盹，吃着丰美的饭食：新鲜鸟蛋，大象眼睛，长颈鹿肉排，因为吃人生番不能仅靠人肉而生活——人肉不过是一样好菜罢了。“孩子的肩肉，加上最辣的酱汁，”母后说，“是最好吃的东西。”
教授感到有些厌倦。他失望离开这个野人国，但是他得把跳蚤带走，因为它是他的一件奇宝和生命线。他怎样才能达到目的呢？这倒不太容易。
他集中一切智慧来想办法，然后他说：“有办法了！”
“公主的父王，请让我做点事情吧！我想训练全国人民学会引见或介绍之礼，这在世界上一些大国里叫做文化。”
“你有什么可以教给我呢？”公主的父亲说。
“我最大的艺术是放炮，”教授说，“使整个地球都震动起来，使一切最好的鸟儿落下来时已经被烤得很香了！这只需轰一声就成了！”
“把你的大炮拿来吧！”公主的父亲说。
可是在这里全国都没有一尊大炮，只有跳蚤带来的那一尊，但是这尊炮未免太小了。
“我来制造一尊大炮吧！”教授说；“你只须供给我材料；我需要做气球用的绸子、针和线， 粗绳和细绳，以及气球所需的灵水——这可以使气球膨胀起来，变得很轻，能向上升。气球在大炮的腹中就会发出轰声来。”
他所要求的东西都得到了。
全国的人都来看这尊大炮。这位教授在他没有把气球吹足气和准备上升以前，不喊他们。
跳蚤坐在公主的手上，在旁观看。气球现在装满气了。它鼓了起来，几乎控制不住；它是那么狂暴。
“我得把它放到空中去，好使它冷却一下，”
教授说，同时坐进吊在它下面的那个篮子里去。
“不过我单独一个人无法驾御它。我需要一个有经验的助手来帮我的忙。这儿除了跳蚤以外，谁也不成！”
“我不同意！”公主说，但是她还是把跳蚤交给教授了。它坐在教授的手中。
“请放掉绳子和线吧！”他说，“现在气球要上升了！”
大家以为他在说：“发炮！”
气球越升越高，升到云层中去，离开了野人国。
那位小公主和她的父亲、母亲以及所有的人都在站着等待。他们现在还在等待哩。如果你不相信，你可以到野人国去看看。那儿每个小孩子还在谈论着关于跳蚤和教授的事情。他们相信，等大炮冷了以后，这两个人就会回来的。但是他们却没有回来，他们现在和我们一起坐在家里。他们在自己的国家里，坐着火车的头等席位——不是四等席位。他们走了运， 有一个巨大的气球。谁也没有问他们是怎样和从什么地方得到这个气球的。跳蚤和教授现在都是有地位的富人了。
这篇小品，最初发表在美国的《斯克利布纳尔月刊》1873年4月号上，接着又在同年《丹麦大众历书》上发表了。这个小故事与安徒生的另一篇童话《飞箱》有相像之处，不过在那篇故事里失望的是一个想侥幸得到幸福的男子，这里则是把幸福已经得到了手里而最后落了空的公主。蒙骗和侥幸在两个故事中最初都起了作用，但最后都变成了一场空。可是，在这个故事中，骗术最终产生了实惠，受惠者是“教授”和“跳蚤”。他们走了运，有一个巨大的气球。“跳蚤和教授现在都是有地位的富人了。”由于他们是“有地位的富人”，人们也就认为他们是正人君子，把他们的骗术忘掉了。