JACK THE DULLARD
OUT in the country lay an old mansion，and in it lived an old proprietor，who had two sons，which two young men thought themselves too clever by half．They wanted to go out and woo the King's daughter；for the maiden in question had publicly announced that she would choose for her husband that one that she thought could best speak for himself．
So these two prepared themselves a full week for the wooing—this was the longest time that could be granted them！But it was enough，for they had previous accomplishments，and these are useful．One of them knew the whole Latin dictionary by heart，and three whole years of the daily paper of the little town，and that either backwards or forwards．The other was deeply read in the corporation laws，and knew by heart at every alderman ought to know；and accordingly he thought he could talk of affairs of state．And he knew one thing more：he could embroider braces，for he was a tasty，light-fingered fellow．
“I shall win the Princess！”So cried both of them．Therefore their father gave to each a handsome horse．The youth who knew the dictionary and newspaper by heart had a black horse，and he who knew all about the corporation laws received a milk-white steed．Then they rubbed the corners of their mouths with fish-oil，so that they might be-come very smooth and glib．All the servants stood below in the courtyard，and looked on while they mounted their horses；and just by chance the third son came up．For there were three of them，though nobody counted the third with his brothers，because he was not so learned as they，and indeed he was generally known as“Jack the Dullard”．
“Hello！”said he，“where are you going since you have put on your best clothes？
“We're going to the King's court，as suitors to the King's daughter．Don't you know the announcement that has been made all through the country？”And they told him all about it．
“My word！I'll be in it too！”cried Jack the Dullard；and his two brothers burst out laughing at him，and rode away．
“Father，”said Jack，“I must have a horse too．I do feel so desperately inclined to marry！If she accepts me，she accepts me；and if she won't have me，I'll have her all the same！”
“Don't talk nonsense，”said the father．“You shall have no horse from me．You don't know how to speak．Your brothers are very different fellows from you．”
“Well，”quoth Jack the Dullard，“if I can't have a horse，I'll take the billy-goat，who belongs to me，and he can carry me very well！”
And so he mounted the billy-goat，pressed his heels into its sides，and gallopped off along the highway．
“Hei，houp！that was a ride！Here I come！”shouted Jack the Dullard，and he sang till his voice echoed far and wide．
But his brothers rode slowly on in advance of him．They spoke not a word，for they were thinking all about the fine ideas they would have to bring out，and these had to be cleverly prepared beforehand．
“Hello！”shouted Jack the Dullard．“Here am I！Look what I have found on the high road．”And he showed them a dead crow which he had found．
“Dullard！”exclaimed the brothers，“what are you going to do with that？”
“I am going to give it to the Princess．”
“Yes，do so，”said they；and they laughed，and rode on．
“Hello，here I am again！Just see what I have found now：you don't find that on the high road every day！”
And the brothers turned round to see what he could have found now．
“Dullard！”they cried，“that is only an old wooden shoe，and the upper part is missing into the bargain；are you going to give that also to the Princess？”
“Most certainly I shall，”replied Jack the Dullard；and again the brothers laughed and rode on，and thus they got far in advance of him；but—
“Hello！”and there was Jack the Dullard again．“It is getting better and better，”he cried．“Hurrah！it is quite famous．”
“Why，what have you found this time？”inquired the brothers．
“Oh，”said Jack the Dullard，“I can hardly tell you．How glad the Princess will be！”
“Bah！”said the brothers，“that is nothing but clay out of the ditch．”
“Yes，certainly it is，”said Jack the Dullard；“and clay of the finest sort．See，it is so wet，it runs through one's fingers．”And he filled his pocket with the clay．
But his brothers gallopped on as hard as the harness could stand，and consequently they arrived a full hour earlier at the town gate than could Jack．Now at the gate each suitor was provided with a number，and all were placed in rows，six in each row，and so closely packed together that they could not move their arms；and that was a prudent arrangement，for they would certainly have come to blows，had they been able，merely because one of them stood be-fore the other．
All the inhabitants of the country round about stood in great crowds around the castle，almost under the very windows，to see the Princess receive the suitors；and as each stepped into the hall，his power of speech seemed to desert him．Then the Princess would say，“He is of no use！Away with him！”
At last the turn came for that brother who knew the dictionary by heart；but he had absolutely forgotten it；and the boards seemed to re-echo with his footsteps，and the ceiling of the hall was made of looking-glass，so that he saw himself standing on his head；and at the window stood three clerks and a head clerk，and every one of them was writing down every single word that was uttered，so that it might be printed in the newspapers，and sold for a penny at the street corners．It was a terrible ordeal，and they had moreover made such a fire in the stove，that the stove-pipe was quite red hot．
“It is dreadfully hot here！”observed the first brother．
“Yes，”replied the Princess，“my father is going to roast young pullets today．”
Baa！there he stood．He had not been prepared for a speech of this kind，and had not a word to say，though he intended to say something witty．Baa！
“He is of no use！”said the Princess．“Away with him！”
And he was obliged to go accordingly．And now the second brother came in．
“It is terribly warm here！”he observed．
“Yes，we're roasting pullets today，”replied the Princess．
“What—what were you—were you pleased to Bo—”stammered he—and all the clerks wrote down，“pleased to Bo—”
“He is of no use！”said the Princess．“Away with him！”
Now came the turn of Jack the Dullard．He rode in-to the hall on his goat．
“Well，it's most desperately hot here．”
“Yes，because I'm roasting young pullets，”replied the Princess．
“Ah，that's lucky！”exclaimed Jack the Dullard，“then I suppose I can get a crow roasted？”
“With the greatest pleasure，”said the Princess．But have you anything you can roast it in？For I have neither pot nor pan．”
“Certainly I have！”said Jack．“Here's a cooking utensil with a tin handle．”
And he brought out the old wooden shoe，and put the crow into it．
“Well，that is a famous dish！”said the Princess．“But what shall we do for sauce？”
“Oh，I have that in my pocket，”said Jack：“I have so much of it that I can afford to throw some away．”And he poured some of the clay out of his pocket．
“I like that！”said the Princess．“You can give an answer，and you have something to say for yourself，and so you shall be my husband．But are you aware that every word we speak is being taken down，and will be pub-lished in the paper tomorrow？You will see in every win-dow three clerks and a head clerk；and the old head clerk is the worst of all，for he can't understand anything．”
But she only said this to frighten him；and the clerks gave a great shout of delight，and each one spurted a blot out of his pen onto the floor．
“Oh，those are the gentlemen，are they？”said Jack；“then I will give the best I have to the head clerk．”And he turned out his pockets，and flung the wet clay full in the head clerk's face．
“That was very cleverly done，”observed the Princess．“I could not have done that；but I shall learn in time．”
And accordingly Jack the Dullard was made a king，and received a crown and a wife，and sat upon a throne．And this report we have straight from the newspaper of the head clerk—but it is not to be depended upon！
笨汉汉斯
乡下有一幢古老的房子，里面住着一位年老的乡绅。他有两个儿子。这两个人是那么聪明，他们只须用一半聪明就够了，还剩下一半是多余的。他们想去向国王的女儿求婚，[而也敢于这样做，]因为她宣布过，说她要找一个她认为最能表现自己的人做丈夫。
这两个人做了整整一星期的准备——这是他们所能花的最长的时间。但是这也够了。因为他们有许多学问，而这些学问都是有用的。一位已经把整个拉丁文字典和这个城市出的三年的报纸，从头到尾和从尾到头，都背得烂熟。另一位精通公司法和每个市府议员所应知道的东西，因此他就以为自己能够谈论国家大事。此外他还会在裤子的吊带上绣花；因为他是一个文雅和手指灵巧的人。
“我要得到这位公主！”他们两人齐声说。
于是他们的父亲就给他们两人每人一匹漂亮的马。那个能背诵整部字典和三年报纸的兄弟得到一匹漆黑的马；那个懂得公司法和会绣花的兄弟得到一匹乳白色的马。然后他们就在自己的嘴角上抹了一些鱼肝油，以便能够说话圆滑流利。所有的仆人们都站在院子里，观看他们上马。这时忽然第三位少爷来了，因为他们兄弟有三个人，虽然谁也不把他当做一个兄弟——因为他不像其他两个那样有学问。一般人都把他叫做“笨汉汉斯”。
“你们穿得这么漂亮，要到什么地方去呀？”他问。
“到宫里去，向国王的女儿求婚去！你不知道全国各地都贴了布告了吗？”
于是他们就把事情原原本本地都告诉了他。
“我的天！我也应该去！”笨汉汉斯说。他的两个兄弟对他大笑了一通以后，便骑着马儿走了。
“爸爸，我也得有一匹马。”笨汉汉斯大声说。“我现在非常想结婚！如果她要我，她就可以得到我。她不要我，我还是要她的！”
“这完全是胡说八道！”父亲说。“我什么马也不给你。你连话都不会讲！你的两个兄弟才算得是聪明人呢！”
“如果我不配有一匹马，”笨汉汉斯说，“那么就给我一只公山羊吧，它本来就是我的，它驮得起我！”
因此他就骑上了公山羊。他把两腿一夹，就在公路上跑起来了。
“嗨，嗬！骑得真够劲！我来了！”笨汉汉斯说，同时唱起歌来，他的声音引起一片回音。
但是他的两个哥哥在他前面却骑得非常斯文，他们一句话也不说，他们正在考虑如何讲出那些美丽的词句，因为这些东西都非在事先想好不可。
“喂！”笨汉汉斯喊着。“我来了！瞧瞧我在路上拾到的东西吧！”于是他就把他拾到的一只死乌鸦拿给他们看。
“你这个笨虫！”他们说，“你把它带着做什么？”
“我要把它送给公主！”
“好吧，你这样做吧！”他们说，大笑一通，骑着马走了。
“喂，我来了！瞧瞧我现在找到了什么东西！这并不是你可以每天在公路上找得到的呀！”
这两兄弟掉转头来，看他现在又找到了什么东西。
“笨汉！”他们说，“这不过是一只旧木鞋，而且上面一部分已经没有了！难道你把这也拿去送给公主不成？”
“当然要送给她的！”笨汉汉斯说。于是两位兄弟又大笑了一通，继续骑马前进。他们走了很远。但是——
“喂，我来了！”笨汉汉斯又在喊。“嗨，事情越来越好了！好哇！真是好哇！”
“你又找到了什么东西？”两兄弟问。
“啊，”笨汉汉斯说，“这个很难说！公主将会多么高兴啊！”
“呸！”这两个兄弟说，“那不过是沟里的一点泥巴罢了。”
“是的，一点也不错，”笨汉汉斯说，“而且是一种最好的泥巴。看，这么湿，你连捏都捏不住。”于是他把袋子里装满了泥巴。
这两兄弟现在尽快地向前飞奔，所以他们来到城门口时，足足比汉斯早一个钟头。他们一到来就马上拿到一个求婚者的登记号码。大家排成几排，每排有6个人。他们挤得那么紧，连手臂都无法动一下。这是非常好的，否则他们因为你站在我的面前，就会把彼此的背撕得稀烂。
城里所有的居民都挤到宫殿的周围来，一直挤到窗子上去；他们要看公主怎样接待她的求婚者。每个人——走进大厅里去，马上就失去说话的能力。
“一点用也没有！”公主说。“滚开！”
现在轮到了那位能背诵整个字典的兄弟，但是他在排队的时候把字典全忘记了。地板在他脚下发出格格的响声。大殿的天花板是镜子做的，所以他看到自己是头在地上倒立着的。窗子旁边站着三个秘书和一位秘书长。他们把人们所讲出的话全都记了下来，以便马上在报纸上发表，拿到街上去卖两个铜板。这真是可怕得很。此外，火炉里还烧着旺盛的火，把烟囱管子都烧红了。
“这块地方真热得要命！”这位求婚者说。
“一点也不错，因为我的父亲今天要烤几只子鸡呀！”公主说。
不过她说这句话的目的无非是要吓他一下。这些秘书都傻笑起来，每个人的笔还都洒了一滴墨水到地板上去。
“乖乖！这就是所谓绅士！”笨汉汉斯说，“那么我得把我最好的东西送给这位秘书长了。”
于是他就把衣袋翻转来，对着秘书长的脸撒了一大把泥巴。
“这真是做得聪明，”公主说。“我自己就做不出来，不过很快我也可以学会的。”
笨汉汉斯就这样成了一个国王，得到了一个妻子和一顶王冠，高高地坐在王位上面。这个故事是我们直接从秘书长办的报纸上读到的——不过它并不完全可靠！
这篇童话发表于1855年《故事集》第2版上，情节非常有趣，虽然“它并不完全可靠”。故事中的人物也的确荒唐得很，但读起来又不会有这种感觉，而会觉得他们生动活泼、形象逼真、真实可信。事实上，在我们的生活中这种人随处可见，特别是在上层人士之中。他们愚蠢、教条、迂腐，而且还喜欢卖弄，自以为聪明，总以为劳动人民笨。“笨汉汉斯”尽管貌似粗笨，但实际上要比他们聪明得多，脑子也比他们灵活得多；这篇故事，在貌似荒唐但实际有趣的情节中道出了社会中的某些真相，讽刺了“上流人”，歌颂了简单质朴的普通人。安徒生在他的手记中说：“这是一个古老的丹麦民间故事的复述，与我以后所写的一些故事不一样——这些故事完全是我自己想象中的产物。”