Part 3 Chapter 28
A NEW LIFE DAWNS FOR NEKHLUDOFF.
Nekhludoff did not go to bed, but went up and down his room for a long time. His business with Katusha was at an end. He was not wanted, and this made him sad and ashamed. His other business was not only unfinished, but troubled him more than ever and demanded his activity. All this horrible evil that he had seen and learned to know lately, and especially to-day in that awful prison, this evil, which had killed that dear Kryltzoff, ruled and was triumphant, and he could foreseen possibility of conquering or even knowing how to conquer it. Those hundreds and thousands of degraded human beings locked up in the noisome prisons by indifferent generals, procureurs, inspectors, rose up in his imagination; he remembered the strange, free old man accusing the officials, and therefore considered mad, and among the corpses the beautiful, waxen face of Kryltzoff, who had died in anger. And again the question as to whether he was mad or those who considered they were in their right minds while they committed all these deeds stood before him with renewed force and demanded an answer.
Tired of pacing up and down, tired of thinking, he sat down on the sofa near the lamp and mechanically opened the Testament which the Englishman had given him as a remembrance, and which he had thrown on the table when he emptied his pockets on coming in.
"It is said one can find an answer to everything here," he thought, and opened the Testament at random and began reading Matt. xviii. 1-4: "In that hour came the disciples unto Jesus, saying, Who then is greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven? And He called to Him a little child, and set him in the midst of them, and said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye turn and become as little children, ye shall in nowise enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Whosoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child the same is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Yes, yes, that is true," he said, remembering that he had known the peace and joy of life only when he had humbled himself.
"And whosoever shall receive one such little child in My name receiveth Me, but whoso shall cause one of these little ones to stumble, it is more profitable for him that a great millstone should be hanged about his neck and that he should be sunk in the depths of the sea." (Matt. xviii. 5, 6.)
"What is this for, 'Whosoever shall receive?' Receive where? And what does 'in my name' mean?" he asked, feeling that these words did not tell him anything. "And why 'the millstone round his neck and the depths of the sea?' No, that is not it: it is not clear," and he remembered how more than once in his life he had taken to reading the Gospels, and how want of clearness in these passages had repulsed him. He went on to read the seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth verses about the occasions of stumbling, and that they must come, and about punishment by casting men into hell fire, and some kind of angels who see the face of the Father in Heaven. "What a pity that this is so incoherent," he thought, "yet one feels that there is something good in it."
"For the Son of Man came to save that which was lost," he continued to read.
"How think ye? If any man have a hundred sheep and one of them go astray, doth he not leave the ninety and nine and go into the mountains and seek that which goeth astray? And if so be that he find it, verily I say unto you, he rejoiceth over it more than over the ninety and nine which have not gone astray.
"Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in Heaven that one of these little ones should perish."
"Yes, it is not the will of the Father that they should perish, and here they are perishing by hundreds and thousands. And there is no possibility of saving them," he thought.
"Then came Peter and said to him, How oft shall my brother offend me and I forgive him? Until seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee until seven times, but until seventy times seven.
"Therefore is the Kingdom of Heaven likened unto a certain king which made a reckoning with his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not wherewith to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me; I will pay thee all. And the lord of that servant, being moved with compassion, released him and forgave him the debt. But that servant went out, and found one of his fellow-servants which owed him a hundred pence; and he laid hold on him and took him by the throat, saying, Pay what thou owest. So his fellow-servant fell down and besought him, saying, Have patience with me and I will pay thee. And he would not, but went and cast him into prison till he should pay that which was due. So when his fellow-servants saw what was done, they were exceeding sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord called him unto him and saith to him, Thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt because thou besought me; shouldst not thou also have mercy on thy fellow-servant as I had mercy on thee?"
"And is this all?" Nekhludoff suddenly exclaimed aloud, and the inner voice of the whole of his being said, "Yes, it is all." And it happened to Nekhludoff, as it often happens to men who are living a spiritual life. The thought that seemed strange at first and paradoxical or even to be only a joke, being confirmed more and more often by life's experience, suddenly appeared as the simplest, truest certainty. In this way the idea that the only certain means of salvation from the terrible evil from which men were suffering was that they should always acknowledge themselves to be sinning against God, and therefore unable to punish or correct others, because they were dear to Him. It became clear to him that all the dreadful evil he had been witnessing in prisons and jails and the quiet self-satisfaction of the perpetrators of this evil were the consequences of men trying to do what was impossible; trying to correct evil while being evil themselves; vicious men were trying to correct other vicious men, and thought they could do it by using mechanical means, and the only consequence of all this was that the needs and the cupidity of some men induced them to take up this so-called punishment and correction as a profession, and have themselves become utterly corrupt, and go on unceasingly depraving those whom they torment. Now he saw clearly what all the terrors he had seen came from, and what ought to be done to put a stop to them. The answer he could not find was the same that Christ gave to Peter. It was that we should forgive always an infinite number of times because there are no men who have not sinned themselves, and therefore none can punish or correct others.
"But surely it cannot he so simple," thought Nekhludoff, and yet he saw with certainty, strange as it had seemed at first, that it was not only a theoretical but also a practical solution of the question. The usual objection, "What is one to do with the evil doers? Surely not let them go unpunished?" no longer confused him. This objection might have a meaning if it were proved that punishment lessened crime, or improved the criminal, but when the contrary was proved, and it was evident that it was not in people's power to correct each other, the only reasonable thing to do is to leave off doing the things which are not only useless, but harmful, immoral and cruel.
For many centuries people who were considered criminals have been tortured. Well, and have they ceased to exist? No; their numbers have been increased not alone by the criminals corrupted by punishment but also by those lawful criminals, the judges, procureurs, magistrates and jailers, who judge and punish men. Nekhludoff now understood that society and order in general exists not because of these lawful criminals who judge and punish others, but because in spite of men being thus depraved, they still pity and love one another.
In hopes of finding a confirmation of this thought in the Gospel, Nekhludoff began reading it from the beginning. When he had read the Sermon on the Mount, which had always touched him, he saw in it for the first time to-day not beautiful abstract thoughts, setting forth for the most part exaggerated and impossible demands, but simple, clear, practical laws. If these laws were carried out in practice (and this was quite possible) they would establish perfectly new and surprising conditions of social life, in which the violence that filled Nekhludoff with such indignation would cease of itself. Not only this, but the greatest blessing that is obtainable to men, the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth would he established. There were five of these laws.
The first (Matt. v. 21-26), that man should not only do no murder, but not even be angry with his brother, should not consider any one worthless: "Raca," and if he has quarrelled with any one he should make it up with him before bringing his gift to God--i.e., before praying.
The second (Matt. v. 27-32), that man should not only not commit adultery but should not even seek for enjoyment in a woman's beauty, and if he has once come together with a woman he should never be faithless to her.
The third (Matt. 33-37), that man should never bind himself by oath.
The fourth (Matt. 38-42), that man should not only not demand an eye for an eye, but when struck on one cheek should hold out the other, should forgive an offence and bear it humbly, and never refuse the service others demand of him.
The fifth (Matt. 43-48), that man should not only not hate his enemy and not fight him, but love him, help him, serve him.
Nekhludoff sat staring at the lamp and his heart stood still. Recalling the monstrous confusion of the life we lead, he distinctly saw what that life could be if men were brought up to obey these rules, and rapture such as he had long not felt filled his soul, just as if after long days of weariness and suffering he had suddenly found ease and freedom.
He did not sleep all night, and as it happens to many and many a man who reads the Gospels he understood for the first time the full meaning of the words read so often before but passed by unnoticed. He imbibed all these necessary, important and joyful revelations as a sponge imbibes water. And all he read seemed so familiar and seemed to confirm, to form into a conception, what he had known long ago, but had never realised and never quite believed. Now he realised and believed it, and not only realised and believed that if men would obey these laws they would obtain the highest blessing they can attain to, he also realised and believed that the only duty of every man is to fulfil these laws; that in this lies the only reasonable meaning of life, that every stepping aside from these laws is a mistake which is immediately followed by retribution. This flowed from the whole of the teaching, and was most strongly and clearly illustrated in the parable of the vineyard.
The husbandman imagined that the vineyard in which they were sent to work for their master was their own, that all that was in was made for them, and that their business was to enjoy life in this vineyard, forgetting the Master and killing all those who reminded them of his existence. "Are we do not doing the same," Nekhludoff thought, "when we imagine ourselves to be masters of our lives, and that life is given us for enjoyment? This evidently is an incongruity. We were sent here by some one's will and for some reason. And we have concluded that we live only for our own joy, and of course we feel unhappy as labourers do when not fulfilling their Master's orders. The Master's will is expressed in these commandments. If men will only fulfil these laws, the Kingdom of Heaven will be established on earth, and men will receive the greatest good that they can attain to.
"'Seek ye first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.'
"And so here it is, the business of my life. Scarcely have I finished one and another has commenced." And a perfectly new life dawned that night for Nekhludoff, not because he had entered into new conditions of life, but because everything he did after that night had a new and quite different significance than before. How this new period of his life will end time alone will prove.
回到旅馆，聂赫留朵夫没有上一床一睡觉，而在房间里久久地来回踱步。他跟卡秋莎的事已经结束。她不再需要他，这使他感到伤心和羞愧。不过此刻使他痛苦的倒不是这件事。另外有一件事不仅没有结束，而且空前剧烈地折磨着他，要他有所行动。
在这段时间里，特别是今天在这座可怕的监狱里目睹的种种骇人听闻的罪恶，那毁了亲一爱一的克雷里卓夫的种种罪恶，正泛滥成灾，不仅看不到战胜它的可能，甚至不知道怎样才能把它战胜。
他的头脑里浮起千百个人的影子，他们被冷酷的将军、检察官、典狱长关在病菌弥漫的恶浊空气里，受尽凌一辱。他想起自一由不羁、痛骂长官的怪老头被看作疯子。他还想起含恨而死的克雷里卓夫夹在其他几具一尸一体中间，相貌俊美，脸色蜡黄。究竟是他聂赫留朵夫疯了，还是那些自以为头脑清醒而干出那些勾当来的人疯了？这个老问题此刻又更加执拗地出现在他面前，要求他解答。
他来回走得有点累了，脑子也思索得有点累了，就在靠近灯光的沙发上坐下来，随手打开英国人送给他留作纪念的福音书，那是他刚才清理口袋时丢在桌上的。“据说什么问题都可以在那里找到答案，”他想着翻开福音书，开始读他翻到的一页。那是《马太福音》第十八章。
一当时门徒进前来，问耶稣说，天国里谁是最大的。
二耶稣便叫一个小孩子来，使他站在他们当中。
三说：我实在告诉你们，你们若不回转，变成小孩子的样式，断不得进天国。
四所以凡自己谦卑象这小孩子的，他在天国里就是最大的。
“对了，对了，确实是这样，”聂赫留朵夫想到自己只有在谦卑的时候才能领略生活的宁静和欢乐。
五凡为我的名，接待一个象这小孩子的，就是接待我。
六凡使这信我的一个小子跌倒的，倒不如把大磨石拴在这人的颈项上，沉在深海里。
“为什么说：‘凡为我的名，接待一个象这小孩子的’？在什么地方接待？‘凡为我的名’是什么意思？”聂赫留朵夫问自己，觉得这些话很不好懂。“还有，为什么要把大磨石拴在颈项上，还要沉在深海里？不，这话有点不对头，不确切，不清楚，”他想到他生平读过好几次福音书，总是遇到这种莫名其妙的地方，因而读不下去。他又读完第七节、第八节、第九节和第十节。这几节讲到将人绊倒，讲到他们必须进入永生，讲到把人丢在地狱的火里作为惩罚，讲到孩子的使者常见天父的面。“可惜这些话很不连贯，”他想，“但还能看出其中有些好东西。”
十一人子来，为要拯救失丧的人。
十二一个人若有一百只羊，一只走迷了路，你们的意思如何？他岂不撇下这九十九只，往山里去找那只迷路的羊么？
十三若是找着了，我实在告诉你们，他为这一只羊欢喜，比为那没有迷路的九十九只欢喜还大呢。
十四你们在天上的父，也是这样不愿意这小子里失丧一个。
“是的，他们的灭亡并非出自天父的意志，但他们在成百上千地死去。而且没有办法拯救他们，”聂赫留朵夫想。
二十一那时彼得进前来，对耶稣说：主啊！我弟兄得罪我，我当饶恕他几次呢？到七次可以么？
二十二耶稣说：我对你说，不是到七次，乃是到七十个七次。
二十三天国好象一个王，要和他仆人算帐。
二十四才算的时候，有人带了一个欠一千万银子的来。
二十五因为他没有什么偿还之物，主人吩咐把他和他妻子儿女，并一切所有的都卖了偿还。
二十六那仆人就俯伏拜他，说：主啊！宽容我，将来我都要还清。
二十七那仆人的主人，就动了慈心，把他释放了，并且免了他的债。
二十八那仆人出来，遇见他的一个同伴，欠他十两银子，便揪着他，掐住他的喉咙，说：你把所欠的还我。
二十九他的同伴就俯伏央求他，说：宽容我吧，将来我必还清。
三十他不肯，竟去把他下在监里，等他还了所欠的债。
三十一众同伴看见他所作的事，就甚忧愁，去把这事都告诉了主人。
三十二于是主人叫了他来，对他说：你这恶一奴一才！你央求我，我就把你所欠的都免了。
三十三你不应当怜恤你的同伴，象我怜恤你么？
“难道只不过是这么一回事吗？”聂赫留朵夫读完这些字句，忽然大声说。接着有个声音在他心里回答说：“对，只不过是这么一回事。”
于是聂赫留朵夫也遇到了一切追求一精一神生活的人常常遇到的情况。那就是他起初觉得古怪、荒诞甚至可笑的思想，不断被生活所证实，有朝一日他忽然发现这原是个极其平凡的无可怀疑的真理。现在他懂得了一点：要克服使人们饱受苦难的骇人听闻的罪恶，唯一可靠的办法，就是在上帝面前承认自己总是有罪的，因此既不该惩罚别人，也无法纠正别人。现在他才明白，他在各地监狱里亲眼目睹的一切骇人听闻的罪恶，以及制造这种罪恶的人所表现的泰然自若的态度，都是由于他们想做一件做不到的事：他们自己有罪，却想去纠正罪恶。腐化堕一落的人想去纠正腐化堕一落的人，并想用生硬的方法达到目的，结果是缺钱而贪财的人就以这种无理惩罚人和纠正人作为职业，自己却极度腐化堕一落，同时又不断腐蚀受尽折磨的人。现在他才明白，他亲眼目睹的一切惨事是怎么产生的，怎样才能加以消灭。他找不到的答案，原来就是基督对彼得说的那段话：要永远饶恕一切人，要无数次地饶恕人，因为世界上没有一个无罪的人，可以惩罚或者纠正别人。
“事情总不会那么简单吧，”聂赫留朵夫对自己说，但同时又明白，这种与他本来的一习一惯相反的说法，尽管初看起来古怪，却无疑是正确的解答，不仅在理论上而且在实践上都是这样。“怎样对待作恶的人？难道可以放任他们不加惩罚吗？”这一类常见的反驳，如今已不会使他感到为难了。倘若惩罚能减少罪行，改造罪犯，那么，这样的反驳还有点道理。但事实证明情况正好相反，一部分人无权改造另一部分人，那么唯一合理的办法，就是停止做这种非但无益而且有害，甚至是残忍荒谬的事。“几百年来你们一直惩办你们认为有罪的人。结果怎么样？这种人有没有绝迹呢？并没有绝迹，人数反而增加，因为不仅添了一批因受惩罚而变得腐化的罪犯，还添了一批因审判和惩罚别人而自己堕一落的人，也就是审判官、检察官、侦讯官和狱吏。”聂赫留朵夫现在明白，社会和社会秩序所以能维持，并不是因为有那些受法律保护的罪犯在审判和惩罚别人，而是因为尽管存在这种腐败的现象，人们毕竟还是相怜相一爱一的。
聂赫留朵夫希望在这同一本福音书里找到能证实这种思想的文字，就把它从头读起。他读着一向使他感动的《登山训众》①，今天才第一次看出这段训诫并非一抽一象的美好思想，提出的大部分要求也并不过分而难以实现，而是简单明了切实可行的戒律。一旦实行这些戒律（而这是完全办得到的），人类社会就能确立崭新的秩序，到那时不仅使聂赫留朵夫极其愤慨的种种暴行都会自然消灭，而且人类至高无上的幸福——在地上建立天国——也能实现。
那些戒律总共有五条。
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①见《新约全书·马太福音》第五章。
第一条戒律（《马太福音》第五章第二十一节到第二十六节）就是人不仅不可杀人，而且不可对弟兄动怒，不可轻视别人，骂人家是“拉加”①。倘若同人家发生争吵，就应该在向上帝奉献礼物以前，也就是祷告以前同他和好。
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①意即“废物”。
第二条戒律（《马太福音》第五章第二十七节到第三十二节）就是人不仅不可一奸一婬一，而且不可贪恋女色。一旦同一个妇女结成夫妇，就要对她永不变心。
第三条戒律（《马太福音》第五章第三十三节到第三十七节）就是人在允诺什么的时候不可起誓。
第四条戒律（《马太福音》第五章第三十八节到第四十二节）就是人不仅不可以眼还眼，而且当有人打你的右脸时，连左脸也转过来由他打。要宽恕别人对你的欺侮，一温一顺地加以忍受。不论人家求你什么，都不可拒绝。
第五条戒律（《马太福音》第五章第四十三节到第四十八节）就是人不仅不可恨仇敌，打仇敌，而且要一爱一仇敌，帮助仇敌，为仇敌效劳。
聂赫留朵夫凝视着那盏油灯的光，想得出神。他想到生活里的种种丑恶现象，又设想要是人们能接受这些箴规，我们的生活将变得怎样。于是他的心充满了一种好久没有感受到的喜悦，仿佛经历了长期的劳累和痛苦以后忽然获得了宁静和自一由。
他通宵没有睡觉。他象许许多多读福音书的人那样，读着读着，第一次忽然领会了以前读过多次却没有注意到的字句的含义。他象海绵吸水那样，拚命吸取面前这本书里重要而令人喜悦的道理。他读到的一切似乎都是熟悉的，似乎把他早已知道却没有充分领会和相信的道理重新加以证实，使他彻底领悟。现在他领悟了，相信了。
不过，他不仅领悟和相信，人们履行这些戒律就能得到至高无上的幸福，他还领悟和相信人人只要履行这些戒律就行，不必再做别的，人生唯一合理的意义就在于此。凡是违背这些戒律的就是错误，立刻会招来惩罚。这是从全部教义归纳出来的道理，而关于葡萄园的比喻①尤其有说服力。园户被派到葡萄园替园主工作，他们却把那园看作他们的私产，仿佛园里的一切都是为他们置办的，他们忘记了园主，杀害了凡是向他们提到园主、提到他们对园主应尽义务的人，认为他们有权在那个园里享乐。
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①《新约全书·马太福音》第二十一章第三十三节到第四十一节：“〔耶稣说：〕你们再听一个比喻。有个家主，栽了一个葡萄园，周围圈上篱笆，里面挖了一个压酒池，盖了一座楼，租给园户，就往外国去了。收果子的时候近了，就打发仆人，到园户那里去收果子。园户拿住仆人，打了一个，杀了一个，用石头打死一个。主人又打发别的仆人去，比先前更多；园户还是照样待他们。后来打发他的儿子到他们那里去，意思说，他们必尊敬我的儿子。不料，园户看见他儿子，就彼此说，这是承受产业的。来吧，我们杀他，占他的产业。他们就拿住他，推出葡萄园外，杀了。园主来的时候，要怎样处治这些园户呢？他们说，要下毒手除灭那些恶人，将葡萄园另租给那按着时候一交一果子的园户。”
“我们的所作所为也是这样，”聂赫留朵夫想，“我们活在世界上抱着一种荒谬的信念，以为我们自己就是生活的主人，人生在世就是为了享乐。这显然是荒谬的。要知道，既然我们被派到世界上来，那是出于某人的意志，为了达到某种目的。可是我们断定我们活着只是为了自己的快乐。显然，我们不会有好下场，就象那不执行园主意志的园户那样。主人的意志就表现在那些戒律里。只要人们执行那些戒律，人间就会建立起天堂，人们就能获得至高无上的幸福。
“你们要先求他的国和他的义，这些东西都要加给你们了①。可是我们却先要求这些东西，而且显然没有求到手。
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①《新约全书·马太福音》第六章第二十四节到第三十四节：“〔耶稣说：〕一个人不能事奉两个主。不是恶这个一爱一那个，就是重这个轻那个。你们不能又事奉上帝，又事奉玛门（指“财利”）。……所以不要忧虑，说吃什么，喝什么，穿什么。这都是外邦人所求的。你们需用的这一切东西，你们的天父是知道的。你们要先求他的国和他的义，这些东西都要加给你们了。所以不要为明天忧虑。”
“看来这就是我的终身事业。做完一件，再做一件。”
从这天晚上起，聂赫留朵夫开始了一种崭新的生活，不仅因为他进入了一个新的生活环境，还因为从这时起他所遭遇的一切，对他来说都具有一种跟以前截然不同的意义。至于他生活中的这个新阶段将怎样结束，将来自会明白。