Part 2 Chapter 29
FOR HER SAKE AND FOR GOD'S.
On his return to Moscow Nekhludoff went at once to the prison hospital to bring Maslova the sad news that the Senate had confirmed the decision of the Court, and that she must prepare to go to Siberia. He had little hope of the success of his petition to the Emperor, which the advocate had written for him, and which he now brought with him for Maslova to sign. And, strange to say, he did not at present even wish to succeed; he had got used to the thought of going to Siberia and living among the exiled and the convicts, and he could not easily picture to himself how his life and Maslova's would shape if she were acquitted. He remembered the thought of the American writer, Thoreau, who at the time when slavery existed in America said that "under a government that imprisons any unjustly the true place for a just man is also a prison." Nekhludoff, especially after his visit to Petersburg and all he discovered there, thought in the same way.
"Yes, the only place befitting an honest man in Russia at the present time is a prison," he thought, and even felt that this applied to him personally, when he drove up to the prison and entered its walls.
The doorkeeper recognised Nekhludoff, and told him at once that Maslova was no longer there.
"Where is she, then?"
"In the cell again."
"Why has she been removed?" Nekhludoff asked.
"Oh, your excellency, what are such people?" said the doorkeeper, contemptuously. "She's been carrying on with the medical assistant, so the head doctor ordered her back."
Nekhludoff had had no idea how near Maslova and the state of her mind were to him. He was stunned by the news.
He felt as one feels at the news of a great and unforeseen misfortune, and his pain was very severe. His first feeling was one of shame. He, with his joyful idea of the change that he imagined was going on in her soul, now seemed ridiculous in his own eyes. He thought that all her pretence of not wishing to accept his sacrifice, all the reproaches and tears, were only the devices of a depraved woman, who wished to use him to the best advantage. He seemed to remember having seen signs of obduracy at his last interview with her. All this flashed through his mind as he instinctively put on his hat and left the hospital.
"What am I to do now? Am I still bound to her? Has this action of hers not set me free?" And as he put these questions to himself he knew at once that if he considered himself free, and threw her up, he would be punishing himself, and not her, which was what he wished to do, and he was seized with fear.
"No, what has happened cannot alter--it can only strengthen my resolve. Let her do what flows from the state her mind is in. If it is carrying on with the medical assistant, let her carry on with the medical assistant; that is her business. I must do what my conscience demands of me. And my conscience expects me to sacrifice my freedom. My resolution to marry her, if only in form, and to follow wherever she may be sent, remains unalterable." Nekhludoff said all this to himself with vicious obstinacy as he left the hospital and walked with resolute steps towards the big gates of the prison. He asked the warder on duty at the gate to inform the inspector that he wished to see Maslova. The warder knew Nekhludoff, and told him of an important change that had taken place in the prison. The old inspector had been discharged, and a new, very severe official appointed in his place.
"They are so strict nowadays, it's just awful," said the jailer. "He is in here; they will let him know directly."
The new inspector was in the prison and soon came to Nekhludoff. He was a tall, angular man, with high cheek bones, morose, and very slow in his movements.
"Interviews are allowed in the visiting room on the appointed days," he said, without looking at Nekhludoff.
"But I have a petition to the Emperor, which I want signed."
"You can give it to me."
"I must see the prisoner myself. I was always allowed to before."
"That was so, before," said the inspector, with a furtive glance at Nekhludoff.
"I have a permission from the governor," insisted Nekhludoff, and took out his pocket-book.
"Allow me," said the inspector, taking the paper from Nekhludoff with his long, dry, white fingers, on the first of which was a gold ring, still without looking him in the eyes. He read the paper slowly. "Step into the office, please."
This time the office was empty. The inspector sat down by the table and began sorting some papers that lay on it, evidently intending to be present at the interview.
When Nekhludoff asked whether he might see the political prisoner, Doukhova, the inspector answered, shortly, that he could not. "Interviews with political prisoners are not permitted," he said, and again fixed his attention on his papers. With a letter to Doukhova in his pocket, Nekhludoff felt as if he had committed some offence, and his plans had been discovered and frustrated.
When Maslova entered the room the inspector raised his head, and, without looking at either her or Nekhludoff, remarked: "You may talk," and went on sorting his papers. Maslova had again the white jacket, petticoat and kerchief on. When she came up to Nekhludoff and saw his cold, hard look, she blushed scarlet, and crumbling the hem of her jacket with her hand, she cast down her eyes. Her confusion, so it seemed to Nekhludoff, confirmed the hospital doorkeeper's words.
Nekhludoff had meant to treat her in the same way as before, but could not bring himself to shake hands with her, so disgusting was she to him now.
"I have brought you had news," he said, in a monotonous voice, without looking at her or taking her hand. "The Senate has refused."
"I knew it would," she said, in a strange tone, as if she were gasping for breath.
Formerly Nekhludoff would have asked why she said she knew it would; now he only looked at her. Her eyes were full of tears. But this did not soften him; it roused his irritation against her even more.
The inspector rose and began pacing up and down the room.
In spite of the disgust Nekhludoff was feeling at the moment, he considered it right to express his regret at the Senate's decision.
"You must not despair," he said. "The petition to the Emperor may meet with success, and I hope---"
"I'm not thinking of that," she said, looking piteously at him with her wet, squinting eyes.
"What is it, then?"
"You have been to the hospital, and they have most likely told you about me--"
"What of that? That is your affair," said Nekhludoff coldly, and frowned. The cruel feeling of wounded pride that had quieted down rose with renewed force when she mentioned the hospital.
"He, a man of the world, whom any girl of the best families would think it happiness to marry, offered himself as a husband to this woman, and she could not even wait, but began intriguing with the medical assistant," thought he, with a look of hatred.
"Here, sign this petition," he said, taking a large envelope from his pocket, and laying the paper on the table. She wiped the tears with a corner of her kerchief, and asked what to write and where.
He showed her, and she sat down and arranged the cuff of her right sleeve with her left hand; he stood behind her, and silently looked at her back, which shook with suppressed emotion, and evil and good feelings were fighting in his breast--feelings of wounded pride and of pity for her who was suffering--and the last feeling was victorious.
He could not remember which came first; did the pity for her first enter his heart, or did he first remember his own sins--his own repulsive actions, the very same for which he was condemning her? Anyhow, he both felt himself guilty and pitied her.
Having signed the petition and wiped her inky finger on her petticoat, she got up and looked at him.
"Whatever happens, whatever comes of it, my resolve remains unchanged," said Nekhludoff. The thought that he had forgiven her heightened his feeling of pity and tenderness for her, and he wished to comfort her. "I will do what I have said; wherever they take you I shall be with you."
"What's the use?" she interrupted hurriedly, though her whole face lighted up.
"Think what you will want on the way--"
"I don't know of anything in particular, thank you."
The inspector came up, and without waiting for a remark from him Nekhludoff took leave, and went out with peace, joy, and love towards everybody in his heart such as he had never felt before. The certainty that no action of Maslova could change his love for her filled him with joy and raised him to a level which he had never before attained. Let her intrigue with the medical assistant; that was her business. He loved her not for his own but for her sake and for God's.
And this intrigue, for which Maslova was turned out of the hospital, and of which Nekhludoff believed she was really guilty, consisted of the following:
Maslova was sent by the head nurse to get some herb tea from the dispensary at the end of the corridor, and there, all alone, she found the medical assistant, a tall man, with a blotchy face, who had for a long time been bothering her. In trying to get away from him Maslova gave him such a push that he knocked his head against a shelf, from which two bottles fell and broke. The head doctor, who was passing at that moment, heard the sound of breaking glass, and saw Maslova run out, quite red, and shouted to her:
"Ah, my good woman, if you start intriguing here, I'll send you about your business. What is the meaning of it?" he went on, addressing the medical assistant, and looking at him over his spectacles.
The assistant smiled, and began to justify himself. The doctor gave no heed to him, but, lifting his head so that he now looked through his spectacles, he entered the ward. He told the inspector the same day to send another more sedate assistant-nurse in Maslova's place. And this was her "intrigue" with the medical assistant.
Being turned out for a love intrigue was particularly painful to Maslova, because the relations with men, which had long been repulsive to her, had become specially disgusting after meeting Nekhludoff. The thought that, judging her by her past and present position, every man, the blotchy assistant among them, considered he had a right to offend her, and was surprised at her refusal, hurt her deeply, and made her pity herself and brought tears to her eyes.
When she went out to Nekhludoff this time she wished to clear herself of the false charge which she knew he would certainly have heard about. But when she began to justify herself she felt he did not believe her, and that her excuses would only strengthen his suspicions; tears choked her, and she was silent.
Maslova still thought and continued to persuade herself that she had never forgiven him, and hated him, as she told him at their second interview, but in reality she loved him again, and loved him so that she did all he wished her to do; left off drinking, smoking, coquetting, and entered the hospital because she knew he wished it. And if every time he reminded her of it, she refused so decidedly to accept his sacrifice and marry him, it was because she liked repeating the proud words she had once uttered, and because she knew that a marriage with her would be a misfortune for him.
She had resolutely made up her mind that she would not accept his sacrifice, and yet the thought that he despised her and believed that she still was what she had been, and did not notice the change that had taken place in her, was very painful. That he could still think she had done wrong while in the hospital tormented her more than the news that her sentence was confirmed.
聂赫留朵夫回到莫斯科后，第一件事就是到监狱医院，把枢密院决定维持法院原判这一不幸消息告诉玛丝洛娃，并要她做好去西伯利亚的准备。
他对那份由律师起草、此刻带到牢里让玛丝洛娃签字呈一交一皇上的状子所抱的希望很小。说也奇怪，他现在倒不希望这事成功。他已经做好思想准备，到西伯利亚去，生活到流放犯和苦役犯当中去。因此，要是玛丝洛娃无罪释放，他简直很难想象他将怎样安排自己的生活和玛丝洛娃的生活。他想起美国作家梭洛①的话。梭洛在美国还存在一奴一隶制的时候说过，在一个一奴一隶制合法化和得到庇护的国家里，正直公民的唯一出路就是监狱。聂赫留朵夫也有这样的想法，特别是他在彼得堡访问了各种人，见到种种情景以后。
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①梭洛（1817—1862）——美国作家，写过许多文章，支持废一奴一运动。一八四九年在《论公民的违抗》一文里写道：“在不公正地把人监禁起来的政一府下，一个正直的人的真正出路就是监狱。”
“不错，在现代俄国，一个正直的人的唯一出路就是监狱！”他想。他坐车来到监狱，走进监狱的围墙时，这种感受就更加深切。
医院看门人一认出聂赫留朵夫，立刻告诉他，玛丝洛娃已经不在他们这里了。
“她到哪里去了？”
“又回牢房了。”
“怎么又把她调回去了？”聂赫留朵夫问。
“她们本来就是那号人嘛，老爷，”看门人鄙夷不屑地笑着说，“她同医士勾勾搭搭，被主任医师打发走了。”
聂赫留朵夫万万没有想到玛丝洛娃的一精一神状态竟同他如此相似。他听到这个消息，仿佛突然知道大难将要临头，不由得楞住了。他感到难受极了。他听到这消息后的第一个感觉就是羞愧。他首先觉得自己很可笑，因为他竟得意扬扬地认为她的一精一神状态起了变化。他想，她的拒绝接受他的牺牲，还有她的责备，她的眼泪，这一切都是一个堕一落女人的诡计，想尽量从他身上多捞到点好处罢了。他现在觉得，上次探监时从她身上看出她这人不可救药，如今更显得一清二楚。当他随手戴上帽子，走出医院时，他的头脑里掠过这样的想法。
“现在怎么办呢？”他问自己。“我还要跟她同甘共苦吗？
既然她有这样的行为，我不是可以撇开她不管吗？”
不过，他刚向自己提出这问题，就立刻明白，他认为可以撇开她不管，其实受到惩罚的不是他想惩罚的她，而是他自己。他害怕起来。
“不！她那件事不能改变我的决心，只能坚定我的决心。她的一精一神状态促使她怎么做就怎么做好了，她要跟医士勾勾搭搭，就让她去勾勾搭搭吧，那是她的事……我要做的是良心要我做的事，”他自言自语。“良心要我牺牲自己的自一由来赎罪。我要同她结婚，哪怕只是形式上的结婚；我要跟她走，不论她被流放到哪里。我这些决心绝不改变，”他固执地自言自语，走出医院，向监狱大门大踏步走去。
他来到监狱门口，要值班的看守通报典狱长，他希望同玛丝洛娃见面。值班的看守认识聂赫留朵夫，象朋友那样告诉他一件监狱里的重要消息：原来的上尉免职了，由另外一个严厉的长官接替。
“现在办事严格多了，严格得要命，”那看守说。“他就在这里，我这就去通报。”
典狱长果然在监狱里，不多一会儿就出来同聂赫留朵夫见面。这位新典狱长是个瘦骨棱棱的高个子，额骨突出，脸色一陰一沉，动作很缓慢。
“只有在规定的日子才能同犯人在探监室里见面，”他眼睛不看聂赫留朵夫，说。
“我要她在呈一交一皇上的状子上签个字。”
“可以一交一给我。”
“我要见一见这犯人。以前一向允许我探望的。”
“那是以前的事了，”典狱长匆匆地瞟了聂赫留朵夫一眼，说。
“我有省长的许可证，”聂赫留朵夫坚持说，同时掏出皮夹子来。
“您让我看看，”典狱长说，仍旧没有看他的眼睛，伸出瘦长白净、食指上戴着金戒指的手，从聂赫留朵夫手里接过文件，慢吞吞地看了一遍。“您请到办公室来，”他说。
这次办公室里一个人也没有。典狱长坐到办公桌后面，翻阅着桌上的文件，显然想在他们会面时留在这里。聂赫留朵夫问他能不能同政治犯薇拉见面，典狱长干脆回答说不行。
“政治犯不准探望，”他说着，又埋头看文件。
聂赫留朵夫口袋里藏着一封给薇拉的信，觉得自己好象一个企图犯罪的人，他的企图被揭穿了。
等玛丝洛娃走进办公室，典狱长没有抬起头来，他眼睛不看玛丝洛娃，也不看聂赫留朵夫，说：
“你们可以谈了！”他说完继续埋头看文件。
玛丝洛娃又象从前那样穿着白上衣，围着白裙子，头上包一块白头巾。她走到聂赫留朵夫跟前，看见他脸色冷冰冰，气呼一呼，她的脸顿时涨得通红，一只手一揉一着上衣底边，垂下眼睛。她的窘态使聂赫留朵夫相信医院看门人的话是真的。
聂赫留朵夫很想象上次那样对待她，但他不能象上次那样主动同她握手。此刻他对她反感极了。
“我给您带来了一个坏消息，”他声音呆板地说，眼睛不看她，也不向她伸出手去，“上诉被枢密院驳回了。”
“我早就料到了，”她音调古怪地说，仿佛在喘气。
要是从前，聂赫留朵夫准会问她怎么会料到的，但此刻他光是看了她一眼。她的眼眶里饱含一着泪水。
但这不仅没有使他心软，反而使他对她更加恼火。
典狱长站起来，在房间里来回踱步。
尽管聂赫留朵夫此刻对玛丝洛娃十分反感，他还是觉得应该为这事向她表示遗憾。
“您不要灰心，”他说，“向皇上递的状子可能有结果。我希望……”
“我又不是在想这件事……”她用泪汪汪的眼睛凄苦地斜睨着他，说。
“那您在想什么？”
“您到医院去过了，他们大概向您谈到过我了……”
“哦，那是您的事，”聂赫留朵夫皱紧眉头，冷冷地说。
他那自尊心受到触犯而产生的强烈反感原来已平息了去，此刻她一提起医院，这种反感就变得更强烈了。“象他这样一个有财有势的人，上流社会随便哪个姑一娘一都会觉得嫁给他就是幸福，他却情愿去做这样一个女人的丈夫，而她偏偏又急不及待地去跟一个医士调一情，”他恼火地瞧着她，心里想。
“喏，您就在这状子上签个字，”他说着从口袋里掏出一个大信封，把信封里的状子摆在桌上。她用头巾角擦去眼泪，在桌旁坐下来，问他写在哪里，写什么。
他指点她写什么，写在哪里。她坐在桌子旁边，左手理理右手的袖子。他站在她后面，默默地俯视着她那伏一在桌上、不时因为忍住呜咽而颤一动的弓起的脊背。在他的心里，恶与善，受屈辱的自尊心与对这个受苦女人的怜悯，斗争得很激烈。结果后者占了上风。
他记不起首先产生的是哪种感情：是先从心底里怜悯她呢，还是先想到自己，想到自己的罪孽，自己的卑劣行径——他现在就为这种事责怪她。总之，他忽然觉得自己有罪，同时又很怜悯她。
她签了字，把沾了墨水的手指在裙子上擦擦，然后站起来，对他瞧了一眼。
“不管结果怎样，不管出什么事，我的决心绝不动摇，”聂赫留朵夫说。
他一想到他原谅了她，他对她就越发怜悯，越发疼一爱一。他很想安慰安慰她。
“我怎么说，就怎么做。不论他们把您发配到哪里，我一定跟您去。”
“这可用不着，”她慌忙打断他的话，脸色顿时开朗起来。
“您想想，您路上还需要什么。”
“好象不需要什么了。谢谢您。”
典狱长走到他们跟前。聂赫留朵夫不等他开口，就同玛丝洛娃告辞，走出监狱。他产生一种从未有过的快乐平静的心情，觉得一切人都很可一爱一。不论玛丝洛娃的行为怎样，他对她的一爱一都不会改变。这种思想使他高兴，使他一精一神上升华到空前的高度。让她去同医士调一情吧，那是她的事。他聂赫留朵夫一爱一她不是为了自己，而是为了她，为了上帝。
不过，聂赫留朵夫信以为真的玛丝洛娃同医士调一情而被逐出医院，其实是这么一回事：玛丝洛娃有一次奉女医士派遣，到走廊尽头药房里去取草药，在那里碰到那个满脸粉刺的高个子医士乌斯基诺夫。乌斯基诺夫一直跟她纠缠不休，她很讨厌他。这一次玛丝洛娃为了摆脱他，使劲推了他一把，他撞在药架上，有两个药瓶从架上掉下来，砸碎了。
这时候，主任医师正好从走廊上经过，听见砸碎瓶子的声音，看见玛丝洛娃脸红耳赤跑出来，就生气地对她嚷道：“喂，小一娘一们，你要是在这里跟人家搞鬼，我就请你开路。这是怎么回事？”他转过身去，从眼镜架上严厉地瞧着医士，说。
医士陪着笑脸为自己辩白。主任医师没有听完他的话，抬起头来，透过眼镜对他瞧瞧，就到病房里去了。当天他就要典狱长另派一个稳重些的女助手来接替玛丝洛娃。所谓玛丝洛娃同医士调一情，就是这么一回事。玛丝洛娃在同男人调一情的罪名下被逐出医院，这使她感到特别难堪，因为她早就讨厌跟男人发生什么关系，自从她同聂赫留朵夫重逢以后，就更加憎恶这种事。所有的男人，包括满脸粉刺的医士在内，根据她过去的身分和现在的处境，都认为有权侮辱她，现在竟然遭到她的拒绝，不禁感到惊奇。她却觉得极其委屈，不由得为自己的身世伤心得流下泪来。这会儿，她从牢房里出来同聂赫留朵夫见面，猜想他一定已听到她的新罪名，想为自己辩白一番，说这事是冤枉的。她本来要开口辩白，但觉得他不会相信，只会更加怀疑，于是哽住喉咙，说不下去。
玛丝洛娃仍然认为并竭力要自己相信，正象第二次见面时她对他说的那样，她没有原谅他，她恨他。其实她早已重新一爱一着他了，而且一爱一得那么深，凡是他要她做的，她都不由自主地去做。她戒了烟酒，不再卖弄风情，还到医院里做杂务工。她所以这样做，就因为这是他的愿望。每次他提出要同她结婚，她总是断然拒绝，不肯接受这样的牺牲。这固然是由于她有一次高傲地对他说过这话，不愿再改口，但主要却是由于她知道，同她结婚，他会遭到不幸。她下定决心不接受他的牺牲，但一想到他瞧不起她，认为她还是原来那样的人，而没有看到她一精一神上的变化，她觉得十分委屈。他现在可能认为她在医院里做了什么丑事。这个念头比她听到最后判决服苦役的消息还要使她伤心。