Part 1 Chapter 12
TWELVE YEARS BEFORE.
"Yes, this was Katusha."
The relations between Nekhludoff and Katusha had been the following:
Nekhludoff first saw Katusha when he was a student in his third year at the University, and was preparing an essay on land tenure during the summer vacation, which he passed with his aunts. Until then he had always lived, in summer, with his mother and sister on his mother's large estate near Moscow. But that year his sister had married, and his mother had gone abroad to a watering-place, and he, having his essay to write, resolved to spend the summer with his aunts. It was very quiet in their secluded estate and there was nothing to distract his mind; his aunts loved their nephew and heir very tenderly, and he, too, was fond of them and of their simple, old-fashioned life.
During that summer on his aunts' estate, Nekhludoff passed through that blissful state of existence when a young man for the first time, without guidance from any one outside, realises all the beauty and significance of life, and the importance of the task allotted in it to man; when he grasps the possibility of unlimited advance towards perfection for one's self and for all the world, and gives himself to this task, not only hopefully, but with full conviction of attaining to the perfection he imagines. In that year, while still at the University, he had read Spencer's Social Statics, and Spencer's views on landholding especially impressed him, as he himself was heir to large estates. His father had not been rich, but his mother had received 10,000 acres of land for her dowry. At that time he fully realised all the cruelty and injustice of private property in land, and being one of those to whom a sacrifice to the demands of conscience gives the highest spiritual enjoyment, he decided not to retain property rights, but to give up to the peasant labourers the land he had inherited from his father. It was on this land question he wrote his essay.
He arranged his life on his aunts' estate in the following manner. He got up very early, sometimes at three o'clock, and before sunrise went through the morning mists to bathe in the river, under the hill. He returned while the dew still lay on the grass and the flowers. Sometimes, having finished his coffee, he sat down with his books of reference and his papers to write his essay, but very often, instead of reading or writing, he left home again, and wandered through the fields and the woods. Before dinner he lay down and slept somewhere in the garden. At dinner he amused and entertained his aunts with his bright spirits, then he rode on horseback or went for a row on the river, and in the evening he again worked at his essay, or sat reading or playing patience with his aunts.
His joy in life was so great that it agitated him, and kept him awake many a night, especially when it was moonlight, so that instead of sleeping he wandered about in the garden till dawn, alone with his dreams and fancies.
And so, peacefully and happily, he lived through the first month of his stay with his aunts, taking no particular notice of their half-ward, half-servant, the black-eyed, quick-footed Katusha. Then, at the age of nineteen, Nekhludoff, brought up under his mother's wing, was still quite pure. If a woman figured in his dreams at all it was only as a wife. All the other women, who, according to his ideas he could not marry, were not women for him, but human beings.
But on Ascension Day that summer, a neighbour of his aunts', and her family, consisting of two young daughters, a schoolboy, and a young artist of peasant origin who was staying with them, came to spend the day. After tea they all went to play in the meadow in front of the house, where the grass had already been mown. They played at the game of gorelki, and Katusha joined them. Running about and changing partners several times, Nekhludoff caught Katusha, and she became his partner. Up to this time he had liked Katusha's looks, but the possibility of any nearer relations with her had never entered his mind.
"Impossible to catch those two," said the merry young artist, whose turn it was to catch, and who could run very fast with his short, muscular legs.
"You! And not catch us?" said Katusha.
"One, two, three," and the artist clapped his hands. Katusha, hardly restraining her laughter, changed places with Nekhludoff, behind the artist's back, and pressing his large hand with her little rough one, and rustling with her starched petticoat, ran to the left. Nekhludoff ran fast to the right, trying to escape from the artist, but when he looked round he saw the artist running after Katusha, who kept well ahead, her firm young legs moving rapidly. There was a lilac bush in front of them, and Katusha made a sign with her head to Nekhludoff to join her behind it, for if they once clasped hands again they were safe from their pursuer, that being a rule of the game. He understood the sign, and ran behind the bush, but he did not know that there was a small ditch overgrown with nettles there. He stumbled and fell into the nettles, already wet with dew, stinging his bands, but rose immediately, laughing at his mishap.
Katusha, with her eyes black as sloes, her face radiant with joy, was flying towards him, and they caught hold of each other's hands.
"Got stung, I daresay?" she said, arranging her hair with her free hand, breathing fast and looking straight up at him with a glad, pleasant smile.
"I did not know there was a ditch here," he answered, smiling also, and keeping her hand in his. She drew nearer to him, and he himself, not knowing how it happened, stooped towards her. She did not move away, and he pressed her hand tight and kissed her on the lips.
"There! You've done it!" she said; and, freeing her hand with a swift movement, ran away from him. Then, breaking two branches of white lilac from which the blossoms were already falling, she began fanning her hot face with them; then, with her head turned back to him, she walked away, swaying her arms briskly in front of her, and joined the other players.
After this there grew up between Nekhludoff and Katusha those peculiar relations which often exist between a pure young man and girl who are attracted to each other.
When Katusha came into the room, or even when he saw her white apron from afar, everything brightened up in Nekhludoff's eyes, as when the sun appears everything becomes more interesting, more joyful, more important. The whole of life seemed full of gladness. And she felt the same. But it was not only Katusha's presence that had this effect on Nekhludoff. The mere thought that Katusha existed (and for her that Nekhludoff existed) had this effect.
When he received an unpleasant letter from his mother, or could not get on with his essay, or felt the unreasoning sadness that young people are often subject to, he had only to remember Katusha and that he should see her, and it all vanished. Katusha had much work to do in the house, but she managed to get a little leisure for reading, and Nekhludoff gave her Dostoievsky and Tourgeneff (whom he had just read himself) to read. She liked Tourgeneff's Lull best. They had talks at moments snatched when meeting in the passage, on the veranda, or the yard, and sometimes in the room of his aunts' old servant, Matrona Pavlovna, with whom he sometimes used to drink tea, and where Katusha used to work.
These talks in Matrona Pavlovna's presence were the pleasantest. When they were alone it was worse. Their eyes at once began to say something very different and far more important than what their mouths uttered. Their lips puckered, and they felt a kind of dread of something that made them part quickly. These relations continued between Nekhludoff and Katusha during the whole time of his first visit to his aunts'. They noticed it, and became frightened, and even wrote to Princess Elena Ivanovna, Nekhludoff's mother. His aunt, Mary Ivanovna, was afraid Dmitri would form an intimacy with Katusha; but her fears were groundless, for Nekhludoff, himself hardly conscious of it, loved Katusha, loved her as the pure love, and therein lay his safety--his and hers. He not only did not feel any desire to possess her, but the very thought of it filled him with horror. The fears of the more poetical Sophia Ivanovna, that Dmitri, with his thoroughgoing, resolute character, having fallen in love with a girl, might make up his mind to marry her, without considering either her birth or her station, had more ground.
Had Nekhludoff at that time been conscious of his love for Katusha, and especially if he had been told that he could on no account join his life with that of a girl in her position, it might have easily happened that, with his usual straight- forwardness, he would have come to the conclusion that there could be no possible reason for him not to marry any girl whatever, as long as he loved her. But his aunts did not mention their fears to him; and, when he left, he was still unconscious of his love for Katusha. He was sure that what he felt for Katusha was only one of the manifestations of the joy of life that filled his whole being, and that this sweet, merry little girl shared this joy with him. Yet, when he was going away, and Katusha stood with his aunts in the porch, and looked after him, her dark, slightly-squinting eyes filled with tears, he felt, after all, that he was leaving something beautiful, precious, something which would never reoccur. And he grew very sad.
"Good-bye, Katusha," he said, looking across Sophia Ivanovna's cap as he was getting into the trap. "Thank you for everything."
"Good-bye, Dmitri Ivanovitch," she said, with her pleasant, tender voice, keeping back the tears that filled her eyes--and ran away into the hall, where she could cry in peace.
对，她就是卡秋莎。
聂赫留朵夫同卡秋莎的关系是这样的。
聂赫留朵夫第一次见到卡秋莎，是在他念大学三年级那年的夏天。当时他住在姑一妈一家，准备写一篇关于土地所有制的论文。往年，他总是同母亲和姐姐一起在莫斯科郊区他母亲的大庄园里歇夏。但那年夏天他姐姐出嫁了，母亲出国到一温一泉疗养去了。聂赫留朵夫要写论文，就决定到姑一妈一家去写。姑一妈一家里十分清静，没有什么玩乐使他分心，两位姑一妈一又十分疼一爱一他这个侄儿兼遗产继承人。他也很一爱一她们，喜欢她们淳朴的旧式生活。
那年夏天，聂赫留朵夫在姑一妈一家里感到身上充满活力，心情舒畅。一个青年人，第一次不按照人家的指点，亲身一体会到生活的美丽和庄严，领悟到人类活动的全部意义，看到人的心灵和整个世界都可以达到尽善尽美的地步。他对此不仅抱着希望，而且充满信心。那年聂赫留朵夫在大学里读了斯宾塞的《社会静力学》。斯宾塞关于土地私有制的论述给他留下深刻的印象，这特别是由于他本身是个大地主的儿子。他的父亲并不富有，但母亲有一万俄亩光景的陪嫁。那时他第一次懂得土地私有制的残酷和荒谬，而他又十分看重道德，认为因道德而自我牺牲是最高的一精一神享受，因此决定放弃土地所有权，把他从父亲名下继承来的土地赠送给农民。现在他正在写一篇论文，论述这个问题。
那年他在乡下姑一妈一家的生活是这样过的：每天一早起身，有时才三点钟，太一陽一还没有出来，就到山脚下河里去洗澡，有时在晨雾弥漫中洗完澡回家，花草上还滚一动着露珠。早晨他有时喝完咖啡，就坐下来写论文或者查阅资料，但多半是既不读书也不写作，又走到户外，到田野和树林里散步。午饭以前，他在花园里打个瞌睡，然后高高兴兴地吃午饭，一边吃一边说些有趣的事，逗得姑一妈一们呵呵大笑。饭后他去骑马或者划船，晚上又是读书，或者陪姑一妈一们坐着摆牌阵。夜里，特别是在月光溶溶的夜里，他往往睡不着觉，原因只是他觉得生活实在太快乐迷人了。有时他睡不着觉，就一面一胡一思乱想，一面在花园里散步，直到天亮。
他就这样快乐而平静地在姑一妈一家里住了一个月，根本没有留意那个既是养女又是侍女、脚步轻快、眼睛乌黑的卡秋莎。
聂赫留朵夫从小由他母亲抚养成长。当年他才十九岁，是个十分纯洁的青年。在他的心目中，只有妻子才是女人。凡是不能成为他妻子的女人都不是女人，而只是人。但事有凑巧，那年夏天的升天节①，姑一妈一家有个女邻居带着孩子们来作客，其中包括两个小一姐、一个中学生和一个寄住在她家的农民出身的青年画家。
--------
①基督教节日，在复一活节后四十天，五月一日至六月四日之间。
吃过茶点以后，大家在屋前修剪平坦的草地上玩“捉人”游戏。他们叫卡秋莎也参加。玩了一阵，轮到聂赫留朵夫同卡秋莎一起跑。聂赫留朵夫看到卡秋莎，总是很高兴，但他从没想到他同她会有什么特殊关系。
“哦，这下子说什么也捉不到他们两个了，”轮到“捉人”的快乐画家说，他那两条农民的短壮罗圈腿跑得飞快，“除非他们自己摔一交一。”
“您才捉不到哪！”
“一，二，三！”
他们拍了三次手。卡秋莎忍不住格格地笑着，敏捷地同聂赫留朵夫一交一换着位子。她用粗糙有力的小手握了握他的大手，向左边跑去，她那浆过的裙子发出窸窸窣窣的响声。
聂赫留朵夫跑得很快。他不愿让画家捉到，就一个劲儿地飞跑。他回头一看，瞧见画家在追卡秋莎，但卡秋莎那两条年轻的富有弹一性一的腿灵活地飞跑着，不让他追上，向左边跑去。前面是一个丁香花坛，没有一个人跑到那里去，但卡秋莎回过头来看了聂赫留朵夫一眼，点头示意，要他也到花坛后面去。聂赫留朵夫领会她的意思，就往丁香花坛后面跑去。谁知花丛前面有一道小沟，沟里长满荨麻，聂赫留朵夫不知道，一脚踏空，掉到沟里去。他的双手被荨麻刺破，还沾满了晚露。但他立刻对自己的鲁莽感到好笑，爬了起来，跑到一块干净的地方。
卡秋莎那双水灵灵的乌梅子般的眼睛也闪耀着笑意，她飞也似地迎着他跑来。他们跑到一块儿，握住手。①
--------
①在这种游戏中，被追的两人在一个地方会合，相互握手，表示胜利。
“我看，您准是刺破手了，”卡秋莎说。她用那只空着的手理理松开的辫子，一面不住地喘气，一面笑眯眯地从脚到头打量着他。
“我不知道这里有一道沟，”聂赫留朵夫也笑着说，没有放掉她的手。
她向他靠近些，他自己也不知道怎么搞的，竟向她凑过脸去。她没有躲避，他更紧地握住她的手，吻了吻她的嘴唇。
“你这是干什么！”卡秋莎说。她慌忙一抽一出被他握着的手，从他身边跑开去。
卡秋莎跑到丁香花旁，摘下两支已经凋谢的白丁香，拿它们打打她那热一辣辣的脸，回过头来向他望望，就使劲摆一动两臂，向做游戏的人们那里走去。
从那时起，聂赫留朵夫同卡秋莎之间的关系就变了，那是一个纯洁无邪的青年同一个纯洁无邪的少女相互吸引的特殊关系。
只要卡秋莎一走进房间，或者聂赫留朵夫老远看见她的白围裙，世间万物在他的眼睛里就仿佛变得光辉灿烂，一切事情就变得更有趣，更逗人喜一爱一，更有意思，生活也更加充满欢乐。她也有同样的感觉。不过，不仅卡秋莎在场或者同他接近时有这样的作用，聂赫留朵夫只要一想到世界上有一个卡秋莎，就会产生这样的感觉。而对卡秋莎来说，只要想到聂赫留朵夫，也会产生同样的感觉。聂赫留朵夫收到母亲令人不快的信也罢，论文写得不顺利也罢，或者心头起了青年人莫名的惆怅也罢，只要一想到世界上有一个卡秋莎，他可以看见她，一切烦恼就都烟消云散了。
卡秋莎在家里事情很多，但她总能一件件做好，还偷空看些书。聂赫留朵夫把自己刚看过的陀思妥耶夫斯基和屠格涅夫的小说借给她看。她最喜一爱一屠格涅夫的中篇小说《僻静的角落》。他们只能找机会一交一谈几句，有时在走廊里，有时在一陽一台或者院子里，有时在姑一妈一家老女仆玛特廖娜的房间里——卡秋莎跟她同住，——有时聂赫留朵夫就在她们的小房间里喝茶，嘴里含一着糖块。他们当着玛特廖娜的面谈话，感到最轻松愉快。可是到了剩下他们两人的时候，谈话就比较别扭。在这种时候，他们眼睛所表达的话和嘴里所说的话截然不同，而眼睛所表达的要重要得多。他们总是撅一起嘴，提心吊胆，待不了多久就匆匆分开。
聂赫留朵夫第一次住在姑一妈一家，他同卡秋莎一直维持着这样的关系。两位姑一妈一发现他们这种关系，有点担心，甚至写信到国外去告诉聂赫留朵夫的母亲叶莲娜·伊凡诺夫娜公爵夫人。玛丽雅姑一妈一唯恐德米特里同卡秋莎发生暧一昧关系。但她这种担心是多余的，因为聂赫留朵夫也象一切纯洁的人谈恋一爱一那样，不自觉地一爱一着卡秋莎，他对她的这种不自觉的一爱一情就保证了他们不致堕一落。他不仅没有在肉一体上占有她的欲一望，而且一想到可能同她发生这样的关系就心惊胆战。但具有诗人气质的索菲雅姑一妈一的忧虑就要切实得多。她生怕具有敢作敢为的可贵一性一格的德米特里一旦一爱一上这姑一娘一，就会不顾她的出身和地位，毫不迟疑地同她结婚。
如果聂赫留朵夫当时明确地意识到自己一爱一上了卡秋莎，尤其是如果当时有人劝他绝不能也不应该把他的命运同这样一个姑一娘一结合在一起，那么，凭着他的憨直一性一格，他就会断然决定非同她结婚不可，不管她是个怎样的人，只要他一爱一她就行。不过，两位姑一妈一并没有把她们的忧虑告诉他，因此他没有意识到自己对这个姑一娘一的一爱一情，就这样离开了姑一妈一家。
他当时满心相信，他对卡秋莎的感情只是他全身充溢着生的欢乐的一种表现，而这个活泼可一爱一的姑一娘一也有着和他一样的感情。临到他动身的时刻，卡秋莎同两位姑一妈一一起站在台阶上，用她那双泪水盈眶、略带斜睨的乌溜溜的眼睛送着他，他这才感到他正在失去一种美丽、珍贵、一去不返的东西。他觉得有说不出的惆怅。
“再见，卡秋莎，一切都得谢谢你！”他坐上马车，隔着索菲雅姑一妈一的睡帽，对她说。
“再见，德米特里·伊凡内奇！”她用亲切悦耳的声音说，忍住满眶的眼泪，跑到门廊里，在那儿放声哭了起来。