Chapter 29
The evening after the funeral, my young lady and I were seated in the library; now musing mournfully--one of us despairingly--on our loss, now venturing conjectures as to the gloomy future.
We had just agreed the best destiny which could await Catherine, would be a permission to continue resident at the Grange; at least, during Linton's life: he being allowed to join her there, and I to remain as housekeeper. That seemed rather too favourable an arrangement to be hoped for: and yet I did hope, and began to cheer up under the prospect of retaining my home and my employment, and, above all, my beloved young mistress; when a servant--one of the discarded ones, not yet departed--rushed hastily in, and said `that devil Heathcliff' was coming through the court: should he fasten the door in his face?
If we had been mad enough to order that proceeding, we had not time. He made no ceremony of knocking or announcing his name: he was master, and availed himself of the master's privilege to walk straight in, without saying a word. The sound of our informant's voice directed him to the library: he entered, and motioning him out, shut the door.
It was the same room into which he had been ushered, as a guest, eighteen years before: the same moon shone through the window; and the same autumn landscape lay outside. We had not yet lighted a candle, but all the apartment was visible, even to the portraits on the wall: the splendid head of Mrs Linton, and the graceful one of her husband. Heathcliff advanced to the hearth. Time had little altered his person either. There was the same man: his dark face rather sallower and more composed, his frame a stone or two heavier, perhaps, and no other difference. Catherine had risen, with an impulse to dash out, when she saw him.
`Stop!' he said, arresting her by the arm. `No more runnings away! Where would you go? I'm come to fetch you home; and I hope you'll be a dutiful daughter, and not encourage my son to further disobedience. I was embarrassed how to punish him when I discovered his part in the business: he's such a cobweb, a pinch would annihilate him; but you'll see by his look that he has received his due! I brought him down one evening, the day before yesterday, and just set him in a chair, and never touched him afterwards. I sent Hareton out, and we had the room to ourselves. In two hours, I called Joseph to carry him up again; and since then my presence is as potent on his nerves as a ghost; and I fancy he sees me often, though I am not near. Hareton says he wakes and shrieks in the night by the hour together, and calls you to protect him from me; and, whether you like your precious mate or not, you must come: he's your concern now; I yield all my interest in him to you.
`Why not let Catherine continue here?' I pleaded, `and send Master Linton to her. As you hate them both, you'd not miss them: they can only be a daily plague to your unnatural heart.
`I'm seeking a tenant for the Grange,' he answered; `and I want my children about me, to be sure. Besides, that lass owes me her services for her bread. I'm not going to nurture her in luxury and idleness after Linton has gone. Make haste and get ready, now; and don't oblige me to compel you.'
`I shall,' said Catherine. `Linton is all I have to love in the world, and though you have done what you could to make him hateful to me, and me to him, you cannot make us hate each other. And I defy you to hurt him when I am by, and I defy you to frighten me!'
You are a boastful champion,' replied Heathcliff; `but I don't like you well enough to hurt him: you shall get the full benefit of the torment, as long as it lasts. It is not I who will make him hateful to you--it is his own sweet spirit. He's as bitter as gall at your desertion and its consequences: don't expect thanks for this noble devotion. I heard him draw a pleasant picture to Zillah of what he would do if he were as strong as I: the inclination is there, and his very weakness will sharpen his wits to find a substitute for strength.'
`I know he has a bad nature,' said Catherine: `he's your son. But I'm glad I've a better, to forgive it; and I know he loves me, and for that reason I love him. Mr Heathcliff, you have nobody to love you; and, however miserable you make us, we shall still have the revenge of thinking that your cruelty arises from your greater misery. You are miserable, are you not? Lonely, like the devil, and envious like him? Nobody loves you--nobody will cry for you when you die! I wouldn't be you!'
Catherine spoke with a kind of dreary triumph: she seemed to have made up her mind to enter into the spirit of her future family, and draw pleasure from the griefs of her enemies.
`You shall be sorry to be yourself presently', said her father-in-law, `if you stand there another minute. Begone, witch, and get your things!'
She scornfully withdrew. In her absence, I began to beg for Zillah's place at the Heights, offering to resign mine to her; but he would suffer it on no account. He bid me be silent; and then, for the first time, allowed himself a glance round the room and a look at the pictures. Having studied Mrs Linton, he said:
`I shall have that home. Not because I need it, but--' He turned abruptly to the fire, and continued, with what, for lack of a better word, I must call a smile--`I'Il tell you what I did yesterday! I got the sexton, who was digging Linton's grave, to remove the earth off her coffin-lid, and I opened it. I thought, once, I would have stayed there: when I saw her face again--it.is hers yet!--he had ~ hard work to stir me; but he said it would change if the air blew on it, and so I struck one side of the coffin loose, and covered it up: not Linton's side, damn him! I wish he'd been soldered in lead. And I bribed the sexton to pull it away when I'm laid there, and slide mine out too; I'll have it made so: and then, by the time Linton gets to us he'll not know which is which!'
`You were very wicked, Mr Heathcliff!' I exclaimed, `were you not ashamed to disturb the dead?'
`I disturbed nobody, Nelly,' he replied; `and I gave some ease to myself. I shall be a great deal more comfortable now; and you'll have a better chance of keeping me underground, when I get there. Disturbed her? No! she has disturbed me, night and day, through eighteen years--incessantly--remorselessly--till yesternight; and yesternight I was tranquil. I dreamt I was sleeping the last sleep by that sleeper, with my heart stopped and my cheek frozen against hers.'
`And if she had been dissolved into earth, or worse, what would you have dreamt of then?' I said.
`Of dissolving with her, and being more happy still!' he answered. `Do you suppose I dread any change of that sort? I expected such a transformation on raising the lid: but I'm better pleased that it should not commence till I share it. Besides, unless I had received a distinct impression of her passionless features, that strange feeling would hardly have been removed. It began oddly. You know I was wild after she died; and eternally, from dawn to dawn, praying her to return to me her spirit! I have a strong faith in ghosts: I have a conviction that they can, and do, exist among us! The day she was buried there came a fall of snow. In the evening I went to the churchyard. It blew bleak as winter--all round was solitary. I didn't fear that her fool of a husband would wander up the den so late; and no one else had business to bring them there. Being alone, and conscious two yards of loose earth was the sole barrier between us, I said to myself--"I'll have her in my arms again! If she be cold, I'll think it is this north wind that chills me; and if she be motionless, it is sleep." I got a spade from the toolhouse, and began to delve with all my might--it scraped the coffin; I fell to work with my hands; the wood commenced cracking about the screws; I was on the point of attaining my object, when it seemed that I heard a sigh from someone above, close at the edge of the grave, and bending down. "If I can only get this off," I muttered, "I wish they may shovel in the earth over us both!" and I wrenched at it more desperately still. There was another sigh, close at my ear. I appeared to feel the warm breath of it displacing the sleet-laden wind. I knew no living thing in flesh and blood was by; but, as certainly as you perceive the approach to some substantial body in the dark, though it cannot be discerned, so certainly I felt that Cathy was there: not under me, but on the earth. A sudden sense of relief flowed from my heart through every limb. I relinquished my labour of agony, and turned consoled at once: unspeakably consoled. Her presence was with me: it remained while I refilled the grave, and led me home. You may laugh, if you will; but I was sure I should see her there. I was sure she was with me, and I could not help talking to her. Having reached the Heights, I rushed eagerly to the door. It was fastened; and, I remember, that accursed Earnshaw and my wife opposed my entrance. I remember stopping to kick the breath out of him, and then hurrying upstairs, to my room and hers. I looked round impatiently--I felt her by me--I could almost see her, and yet I could not! I ought to have sweat blood then, from the anguish of my yearning--from the fervour of my supplications to have but one glimpse! I had not one. She showed herself, as she often was in life, a devil to me! And, since then, sometimes more and sometimes less, I've been the sport of that intolerable torture! Infernal! keeping my nerves at such a stretch, that, if they had not resembled catgut, they would long ago have relaxed to the feebleness of Linton's. When I sat in the house with Hareton, it seemed that on going out, I should meet her; when I walked on the moors I should meet her coming in. When I went from home, I hastened to return: she must be somewhere at the Heights, I was certain! And when I slept in her chamber--I was beaten out of that. I couldn't lie there; for the moment I closed my eyes, she was either outside the window, or sliding back the panels, or entering the room, or even resting her darling head on the same pillow as she did when a child; and I must open my lids to see. And so I opened and closed them a hundred times a night--to be always disappointed! It racked me! I've often groaned aloud, till that old rascal Joseph no doubt believed that my conscience was playing the fiend inside of me. Now, since I've seen her, I'm pacified--a little. It ~s a strange way of killing! not by inches, but by fractions and hairbreadths, to beguile me with the spectre of a hope, through eighteen years!'
Mr Heathcliff paused and wiped his forehead; his hair clung to it, wet with perspiration; his eyes were fixed on the red embers of the fire, the brows not contracted, but raised next the temples; diminishing the grim aspect of his countenance, but imparting a peculiar look of trouble, and a painful appearance of mental tension towards one absorbing subject. He only half addressed me, and I maintained silence. I didn't like to hear him talk! After a short period he resumed his meditation on the picture, took it down and leant it against the sofa to contemplate it at better advantage; and while so occupied Catherine entered, announcing that she was ready, when her pony should be saddled.
`Send that over tomorrow,' said Heathcliff to me; then turning to her, he added--`You may do without your pony: it is a fine evening, and you'll need no ponies at Wuthering Heights; for what journeys you take, your own feet will serve you. Come along.'
`Goodbye, Ellen!' whispered my dear little mistress. As she kissed me, her lips felt like ice. `Come and see me, Ellen; don't forget.'
`Take care you do no such thing, Mrs Dean!' said her new father. `When I wish to speak to you I'll come here. I want none of your prying at my house!'
He signed her to precede him; and casting back a look that cut my heart, she obeyed. I watched them from the window, walk down the garden. Heathcliff fixed Catherine's arm under his: though she disputed the act at first evidently; and with rapid strides he hurried her into the alley, whose trees concealed them.
丧事办完后的那天晚上，我的小姐和我坐在书房里；一会儿哀伤地思索着我们的损失——我们中间有一个是绝望地思索着，一会儿又对那黯淡的未来加以推测。
我们刚刚一致认为对凯瑟琳说来，最好的命运就是答应她继续在田庄住下去；至少是在林惇活着的时候；也准许他来和她在一起，而我还是作管家。那仿佛是简直不敢希望的太有利的安排了；可我还是希望着，而且一想到可以保留我的家，我的职务，还有，最重要的是，我可爱的年轻的女主人，我就开始高兴起来；不料，这时候一个仆人——被遣散却还未离去的一个——急急忙忙地冲进来说“那个魔鬼希刺克厉夫”正在穿过院子走来；他要不要当他面就把门闩上？
即使我们真气得吩咐他闩门，也来不及了。他不顾礼貌，没有敲门，或通报他的姓名：他是主人，利用了作主人的特权，径直走进来，没说一个字。向我们报告的人的声音把他引到书房来；他进来了，作个手势，叫他出去，关上了门。
这间屋子就是十八年前他作为客人被引进来的那间：同样的月亮从窗外照进来；外面是同样的一片秋景。我们还没有点蜡烛，但是整个房间看得清清楚楚，甚至墙上的肖像：林惇夫人漂亮的头像，和她丈夫文雅的头像。希刺克厉夫走到炉边。时间也没有把他这个人改变多少。还是这个人：他那发黑的脸稍稍发黄些，也宁静些，他的身躯，或者重一两石①，并没有其他的不同。凯瑟琳一看见他就站起来想冲出去。
①石——重量名，常用来表示体重，等于十四磅，在实用上因物而异。
“站住！”他说，抓住她的胳臂。“不要再跑掉啦！你要去哪儿？我是来把你带回家去的；我希望你作个孝顺的儿媳妇，不要再鼓励我的儿子不听话了。当我发现他参与了这件事时，我不知道该怎么罚他才好，他是这么一个蜘蛛网，一抓就要使他灭亡；可是等你瞧见他的样子就知道他已经得到他应得的报应了！有天晚上，就是前天，我把他带下楼来，就把他放在椅子上，这以后再也没碰过他。我叫哈里顿出去，屋里就是我们俩。过两个钟头，我叫约瑟夫再把他带上楼去；自此以后我一在他跟前就像一个摆脱不了的鬼似的缠住他的神经；即使我不在他旁边，我猜想他也常常看得见我。哈里顿说他在夜里常一连几个钟头的醒着，大叫，叫你去保护他，免得受我的害；不管你喜欢不喜欢你那宝贝的伴侣，你一定得去：现在他归你管了；我把对他的一切兴趣全让给你。”
“为什么不让凯瑟琳留在这儿，”我恳求着，“也叫林惇少爷到她这儿来吧，既是你恨他们俩，他们不在，你也不会想念的；他们只能使你的硬心肠每天烦恼罢了。”
“我要为田庄找一个房客，”他回答，“而且我当然要我的孩子们在我身边。此外，那个丫头既有面包吃，就得作事。我不打算在林惇去世后使她养尊处优、无所事事。现在，赶快预备好吧，不要逼我来强迫你。”
“我要去的，”凯瑟琳说。“林惇是我在这世界上所能爱的一切了。虽然你已经努力使他让我厌恶，也使我让他厌恶，可是你不能使我们互相仇恨。当我在旁边的时候，我不怕你伤害他，我也不怕你吓唬我！”
“你是一个夸口的勇士，”希刺克厉夫回答，“可是我还不至于因为喜欢你而去伤害他；你要受尽折磨，能有多久就受多久。不是我使他让你厌恶——是他自己的好性子使你厌恶。他对于你的遗弃和这后果是怨恨透啦；对于你这种高尚的爱情不要期待感谢吧。我听见他很生动地对齐拉描绘着他要是跟我一样强壮，他就要如何如何了；他已经有了这种心思，他的软弱正促使他的机灵更敏锐地去寻找一种代替力气的东西。”
“我知道他的天性坏，”凯瑟琳说，“他是你的儿子。可是我高兴我天性比较好，可以原谅他；我知道他爱我，因此我也爱他。希刺克厉夫先生，你没有一个人爱你；你无论把我们搞得多惨，我们一想到你的残忍是从你更大的悲哀中产生出来的，我们还是等于报了仇了。你是悲惨的，你不是么？寂寞，像魔鬼似的，而且也像魔鬼似的嫉妒心重吧？没有人爱你——你死了，没有人哭你！我可不愿意作为你！”
凯瑟琳带着一种凄凉的胜利口气说着话。她仿佛决心进入她的未来家庭的精神中去，从她敌人的悲哀中汲取愉快。
“要是你站在那儿再多一分钟的话，你马上就要因为你这样神气而难过啦。”她的公公说，“滚，妖精，收拾你的东西去！”
她轻蔑地退开了。等她走掉，我就开始要求齐拉在山庄的位置，请求把我的让给她；但是他根本不答应。他叫我别说话；然后，他头一回让自己瞅瞅这房间，而且望了望那些肖像。仔细看了林惇夫人的肖像之后，他说：“我要把它带回家去。不是因为我需要它，可——”他猛然转身向着壁炉，带着一种，我找不出更好的字眼来说，只好说这算是一种微笑吧，他接着说：“我要告诉你我昨天作什么来着！我找到了给林惇掘坟的教堂司事，就叫他把她的棺盖上的土拨开，我打开了那棺木。我当时一度想我将来也要埋在那儿；我又看见了她的脸——还是她的模样！——他费了很大的劲才赶开我；可是他说如果吹了风那就会起变化，所以我就把棺木的一边敲松，又盖上了土；不是靠林惇那边，滚他的！我愿把他用铅焊住。我贿赂了那掘坟的人等我埋在那儿时，把它抽掉，把我的尸首也扒出来；我要这样搞法：等到林惇到我们这儿来，他就分不清哪个是哪个了！”
“你是非常恶毒的，希刺克厉夫先生！”我叫起来，“你扰及死者就不害臊吗？”
“我没有扰及任何人，耐莉，”他回答，“我给我自己一点安宁而已。如今我将要舒服多了；等我到那儿的时候你也能使我在地下躺得住了。扰及了她吗？不！她扰了我日日夜夜，十八年以来——不断地——毫无怜悯的——一直到昨夜；昨夜我平静了，我梦见我靠着那长眠者睡我最后的一觉，我的心停止了跳动，我的脸冰冷地偎着她的脸。”
“要是她已经化入泥土，或是更糟；那你还会梦见什么呢？”我说。
“梦见和她一同化掉，而且还会更快乐些！”他回答。“你以为我害怕那样的变化吗？我掀起棺盖时，我原等待着会有这么一个变化：但是我很高兴它还没有开始，那要等到我和它一同变化。而且，除非我脑子里清清楚楚地印下了她那冷若冰霜的面貌的印象，否则那种奇异的感觉是很难消除的。开始得很古怪。你知道她在死后我发狂了；每天每天我永远在祈求她的灵魂回到我这儿来！我很相信鬼魂，我相信它们能够，而且的确是生存在我们中间！她下葬的那天，下了雪。晚上我到墓园那儿去。风刮得阴冷如冬——四周是一片凄凉。我不怕她那个混蛋丈夫这么晚会荡到这幽谷中来；也没有别人会有事到那边去。我是单独一个人，而且我知道就这两码厚的松土是我们之间唯一的障碍，我对我自己说——‘我要把她再抱在我的怀里！如果她是冰冷的，我就认为是北风吹得我冷；如果她不动，那她是睡觉。’我从工具房拿到一把铲子，开始用我的全力去掘——挖到棺木了；我用我的手来搞；钉子四周的木头开始咯吱地响着；我马上就要得到我的目的物了，那时我仿佛听到上面有人叹气，就在坟边，而且俯身向下。‘如果我能掀开这个’我咕噜着，‘我愿他们用土把我们俩都埋起来！’我就更拚命地掀。在我耳边，又有一声叹息。我好像觉得那叹息的暖气代替了那夹着雨雪的风。我知道身边并没有血肉之躯的活物；但是，正如人们感到在黑暗中有什么活人走近来，可又并不能辨别是什么一样，我也那么确切地感到凯蒂在那儿：不是在我脚下，而是在地上。一种突然的轻松愉快的感觉从我心里涌出来，流过四肢。我放弃了我那悲痛的工作，马上获得了慰藉：说不出来的慰藉。她和我同在，在我又填平墓穴时，她逗留着，并且又领我回家。你要想笑，你尽管笑；可是我确信我在那儿看见了她。我确信她跟我在一起，我不能不跟她说话。到了山庄，我急切地冲到门前。门锁了；我记得，那个可诅咒的恩萧和我的妻子不让我进去。我记得我停下来，把他踢得喘不过气来，然后就赶忙上楼，到我的屋子和她的屋子里。我急躁地向四周望——我觉得她在我身边——我几乎看得见她，可是我看不见！我当时急得要冒出血来，出于苦苦的渴望——出于狂热的祈求只要看她一眼！我一眼也看不到。正如她生前一样像魔鬼似的捉弄我！而且，自此以后，或多或少，我就总是被那种不可容忍的折磨所捉弄！地狱呀！我的神经总是这么紧张；要是我的神经不像羊肠线的话，那早就松弛到林惇那样衰弱的地步了。当我同哈里顿坐在屋里的时候，仿佛我一走出去就会遇见她；当我在旷野散步的时候，仿佛我一回去就会遇见她。当我从家里出来时，我忙着回去；我肯定！她一定是在山庄的什么地方，而当我在她的屋子里睡觉时——我又非出来不可。我躺不住；因为我刚闭上眼，她要么就是在窗外，要么就溜进窗格，要么走进屋里来，要么甚至将她可爱的头靠在我的枕上，像她小时候那样。而我必须睁开眼睛看看。因此我在一夜间睁眼闭眼一百次——永远是失望！它折磨我！我常常大声呻吟，以至于那个老流氓约瑟夫一定以为是我的良心在我身体里面捣鬼。现在，既然我看见了她，我平静了——稍微平静了一点。那是一种奇怪的杀人方法：不是一寸寸的，而是像头发丝那样的一丝丝地割，十八年来就用幽灵样的希望来引诱我！”
希刺克厉夫停下来，擦擦他的额头；他的头发粘在上面，全被汗浸湿了。他的眼睛盯住壁炉的红红的余烬，眉毛并没皱起，却扬得高高地挨近鬓骨，减少了他脸上的阴沉神色，但有一种特别的烦恼样子，还有对待一件全神贯注的事情时那种内心紧张的痛苦表情。他只是一半对着我说话，我一直不开腔。我不喜欢听他说话！过了一刻，他又恢复了对那肖像的冥想，他把它取下来，把它靠在沙发上，以便更好地注视，正在这么专心看着的时候，凯瑟琳进来了，宣布她准备好了，就等她的小马装鞍了。
“明天送过来吧，”希刺克厉夫对我说；然后转身向她，他又说：“你可以不用你的小马：今晚天气不坏，而且你在呼啸山庄也用不着小马；不论你作什么样的旅行，你自己的脚可以侍候你。来吧。”
“再见，艾伦！”我亲爱的小女主人低声说。当她亲我时，她的嘴唇像冰似的。“来看我，艾伦，别忘了。”
“当心你不要作这种事，丁太太！”她的新父亲说，“我要跟你说话时，我一定会到这儿来。我可不要你偷偷到我家去！”
他作个手势叫她走在他前面；她回头望了一眼，使我心如刀割，她服从了。我在窗前望着他们顺着花园走去。希刺克厉夫把凯瑟琳的胳臂夹在他的胳臂里；虽然她起初显然是反对这样作；他跨开大步把她带到小路上，那边的树木把他们遮住不见了。