Chapter 59
FOR eleven years, I had not seen Joe nor Biddy with my bodily eyes-though they had both been often before my fancy in the East-when, upon an evening in December, an hour or two after dark, I laid my hand softly on the latch of the old kitchen door. I touched it so softly that I was not heard, and looked in unseen. There, smoking his pipe in the old place by the kitchen firelight, as hale and as strong as ever though a little grey, sat Joe; and there, fenced into the corner with Joe's leg, and sitting on my own little stool looking at the fire, was - I again!
`We giv' him the name of Pip for your sake, dear old chap,' said Joe, delighted when I took another stool by the child's side (but I did not rumple his hair), `and we hoped he might grow a little bit like you, and we think he do.'
I thought so too, and I took him out for a walk next morning, and we talked immensely, understanding one another to perfection. And I took him down to the churchyard, and set him on a certain tombstone there, and he showed me from that elevation which stone was sacred to the memory of Philip Pirrip, late of this Parish, and Also Georgiana, Wife of the Above.
`Biddy,' said I, when I talked with her after dinner, as her little girl lay sleeping in her lap, `you must give Pip to me, one of these days; or lend him, at all events.'
`No, no,' said Biddy, gently. `You must marry.'
`So Herbert and Clara say, but I don't think I shall, Biddy. I have so settled down in their home, that it's not at all likely. I am already quite an old bachelor.'
Biddy looked down at her child, and put its little hand to her lips, and then put the good matronly hand with which she had touched it, into mine. There was something in the action and in the light pressure of Biddy's wedding-ring, that had a very pretty eloquence in it.
`Dear Pip,' said Biddy, `you are sure you don't fret for her?'
`O no-I think not, Biddy.'
`Tell me as an old, old friend. Have you quite forgotten her?
`My dear Biddy, I have forgotten nothing in my life that ever had a foremost place there, and little that ever had any place there. But that poor dream, as I once used to call it, has all gone by, Biddy, all gone by!'
Nevertheless, I knew while I said those words, that I secretly intended to revisit the site of the house that evening, alone, for her sake. Yes even so. For Estella's sake.
I had heard of her as leading a most unhappy life, and as being separated from her husband, who had used her with great cruelty, and who had become quite renowned as a compound of pride, avarice, brutality, and meanness. And I had heard of the death of her husband, from an accident consequent on his ill-treatment of a horse. This release had befallen her some two years before; for anything I knew, she was married again.
The early dinner-hour at Joe's, left me abundance of time, without hurrying my talk with Biddy, to walk over to the old spot before dark. But, what with loitering on the way, to look at old objects and to think of old times, the day had quite declined when I came to the place.
There was no house now, no brewery, no building whatever left, but the wall of the old garden. The cleared space had been enclosed with a rough fence, and, looking over it, I saw that some of the old ivy had struck root anew, and was growing green on low quiet mounds of ruin. A gate in the fence standing ajar, I pushed it open, and went in.
A cold silvery mist had veiled the afternoon, and the moon was not yet up to scatter it. But, the stars were shining beyond the mist, and the moon was coming, and the evening was not dark. I could trace out where every part of the old house had been, and where the brewery had been, and where the gates, and where the casks. I had done so, and was looking along the desolate gardenwalk, when I beheld a solitary figure in it.
The figure showed itself aware of me, as I advanced. It had been moving towards me, but it stood still. As I drew nearer, I saw it to be the figure of a woman. As I drew nearer yet, it was about to turn away, when it stopped, and let me come up with it. Then, it faltered as if much surprised, and uttered my name, and I cried out:
`Estella!'
`I am greatly changed. I wonder you know me.'
The freshness of her beauty was indeed gone, but its indescribable majesty and its indescribable charm remained. Those attractions in it, I had seen before; what I had never seen before, was the saddened softened light of the once proud eyes; what I had never felt before, was the friendly touch of the once insensible hand.
We sat down on a bench that was near, and I said, `After so many years, it is strange that we should thus meet again, Estella, here where our first meeting was! Do you often come back?'
`I have never been here since.'
`Nor I.'
The moon began to rise, and I thought of the placid look at the white ceiling, which had passed away. The moon began to rise, and I thought of the pressure on my hand when I had spoken the last words he had heard on earth.
Estella was the next to break the silence that ensued between us.
`I have very often hoped and intended to come back, but have been prevented by many circumstances. Poor, poor old place!'
The silvery mist was touched with the first rays of the moonlight, and the same rays touched the tears that dropped from her eyes. Not knowing that I saw them, and setting herself to get the better of them, she said quietly:
`Were you wondering, as you walked along, how it came to be left in this condition?'
`Yes, Estella.'
`The ground belongs to me. It is the only possession I have not relinquished. Everything else has gone from me, little by little, but I have kept this. It was the subject of the only determined resistance I made in all the wretched years.'
`Is it to be built on?'
`At last it is. I came here to take leave of it before its change. And you,' she said, in a voice of touching interest to a wanderer, `you live abroad still?'
`Still.'
`And do well, I am sure?'
`I work pretty hard for a sufficient living, and therefore - Yes, I do well.'
`I have often thought of you,' said Estella.
`Have you?'
`Of late, very often. There was a long hard time when I kept far from me, the remembrance, of what I had thrown away when I was quite ignorant of its worth. But, since my duty has not been incompatible with the admission of that remembrance, I have given it a place in my heart.'
`You have always held your place in my heart,' I answered.
And we were silent again, until she spoke.
`I little thought,' said Estella, `that I should take leave of you in taking leave of this spot. I am very glad to do so.'
`Glad to part again, Estella? To me, parting is a painful thing. To me, the remembrance of our last parting has been ever mournful and painful.'
`But you said to me,' returned Estella, very earnestly, `"God bless you, God forgive you!" And if you could say that to me then, you will not hesitate to say that to me now - now, when suffering has been stronger than all other teaching, and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope - into a better shape. Be as considerate and good to me as you were, and tell me we are friends.'
`We are friends,' said I, rising and bending over her, as she rose from the bench.
`And will continue friends apart,' said Estella.
I took her hand in mine, and we went out of the ruined place; and, as the morning mists had risen long ago when I first left the forge, so, the evening mists were rising now, and in all the broad expanse of tranquil light they showed to me, I saw no shadow of another parting from her.
十一年过去了，我一直没有见到过毕蒂和乔，我身在东方，然而他们的音容笑貌仍然活在我的思想之中。十一年后的一个十二月的夜晚，天黑了一两个小时之后，我回到了故里。我把手轻轻地按在昔日厨房的门闩上，我按得很轻，谁也不会听到声音，我向里面望去，谁也没有发现我的身影。乔正坐在当年的老地方，在厨房火炉的旁边，身体像以往一样硬朗和强健，所不同的是头上生了些白发。他的一条腿伸在一个角落里，护着旁边我过去常坐的小凳上坐着的一个孩子。他正面对着我，简直就是我的化身。
我走进去，拿了另外一只凳子坐在这孩子的旁边，但我没有乱抓他的头发。乔一见到我，就非常高兴，说道：
“亲爱的老弟，为了纪念你，我们也叫他皮普。我们希望他长得像你，现在看来倒真有些像呢。”
我想他倒是有些像我。第二天一早我便带他到外面去散步，一面走一面谈了很多，谈得很投机。我把他带到乡村教堂的公墓去，把他放在其中一块墓石上面，而他却指着那块高高的墓石，上面刻着：已故的本教区居民菲利普·皮利普及上述者之妻乔其雅娜之墓。
晚饭之后，毕蒂把她的小女儿抱在膝头上哄她睡觉，我们便攀谈起来。我说道：“毕蒂，这两天你就把皮普过继给我当儿子吧，如果不行，也得让我带带他。”
“不要这么说，”毕蒂温柔地说道，“你应该结婚才是。”
“赫伯特和克拉娜也这样说，不过我不想结婚。我已经在他们家中安家了，根本不可能再结婚。现在我是个货真价实的老光棍了。”
毕蒂低下头看着她的婴儿，抓起一只她的小手放在自己的嘴唇上，然后又把这只抚摸过孩子的善良的母性之手放在我的手心中。她的这一动作，她的结婚戒指在我手心轻轻一按的动作蕴含了一种内在的意义，那是言语难以表达的。
“亲爱的皮普，”毕蒂说道，‘你现在真的不再因为她而烦恼了吗？”
“噢——不了，我不会为她而烦恼了，毕蒂。”
“你得告诉我这个老朋友，你完全忘掉她了吗？”
“我亲爱的毕蒂，我不会忘记在我生活中任何一件占重要地位的事，即使不重要，只要在我生活中有一席之地的事，我也不会忘记。至于那件我曾经称为可怜的梦的事，已经随时间飘逝，毕蒂，它已经随时间飘逝了。”
虽然我正用言语说出这些话，而我的心这时却想着当晚就该去重访那座宅邸旧地，独自一人，为了她。是的，为了埃斯苔娜。
我已经获悉她的情况，她过着非常不幸的生活，并且已经和丈夫分手，因为他是个恶名远扬的傲慢、贪婪、残暴和卑鄙之小人，对妻子进行残酷的虐待。我又获悉埃斯苔娜的丈夫由于虐待自己的马，在一次骑马事故中他自己也被摔死。这是两年前的事了，埃斯苔娜的身心总算获得了解脱。根据我的想法，她会再婚。
在乔的家中晚饭开得很早，这就给了我充裕的时间，无须匆忙地和毕蒂闲谈点琐事，然后便出发，天黑之前就走到了那古宅旧址。一路上我悠悠荡荡地逛着，瞻仰昔日的景象，回想往日的情景，在黄昏时分，我已站在了旧址之上。
这里除了一道昔日花园的围墙之外，再没有当年的房屋，再没有制酒作坊，再没有其他连在一起的建筑了。一切当年的建筑均不复存在。一眼望去，空荡荡一片，外面是一道粗糙的篱笆围栏；但我看到一些昔日的常春藤又扎下了新根，在一堆堆废墟上发出了新绿，虽然那么低低地、那么寂寞地在生长着。一扇篱笆的门半开着，我推开它走了进去。
从下午开始，天空就有一层带有寒意的银白色雾气，那时月亮还没有登上天空，放出光辉。而这时，星星却透过雾气在闪闪发光，月亮也升到了空中，因而夜晚并不显得黑暗。我依稀能辨别出古宅旧址的每一个部分，哪儿曾是制酒作坊，哪儿曾是大门，哪儿曾放着啤酒桶。我一一回忆怀念，并顺着荒寂的花园小径望去，忽然看见一个孤独的身影。
我于是向前探出脚步。那个身影也发觉了我，也向着我移来，然后又站住，一动也不动。我接近了这身影，看到这是一位女子。我走近一些，身影正想转身，但又忽然停住了，等我走过去。接着，这个身影迟疑了一下，仿佛是显得大惊失色，呼喊着我的名字，同时我也惊叫了出来！
“埃斯苔娜！”
“我奇怪你怎么还认得出我，我完全变了。”
确实她的青春艳丽已经消逝，然而她那难以言表的端庄华丽，她那难以言表的迷人妩媚却依旧当年。所有这些美的诱惑，从前我都见过，而我以前所没有见过的是她那一对眼睛，从前她的双眸总闪着傲气，如今却闪着凄凉酸楚的光；而我以前所没有感触过的是那一只手，从前她握手时手上毫无情感，而今天手上有一股真正友情的暖流。
我们坐在附近的一张长椅上，我说道：“多少年如流云般过去，埃斯苔娜，而今日我们在最初相见时的旧址上又重逢，这有多么奇怪！你常常回到这里吗？”
“我一直没有回来过。”
“我也没有。”
月亮开始上升，邀游夜空，我脑海中出现了马格韦契注视着白色天花板的宁静目光，这目光已永远逝去；月亮开始上升，邀游夜空，我脑海中出现了马格韦契的最后情景，他的手压在我的手上，倾听我告诉他的最后的人间之音。
埃斯苔娜终于打破了我们之间的沉默。
“我一直在希望有一天能回来看看，可是各种各样的情况使我不能回来。多么可怜的、可怜的故居啊！”
银色的雾气和月亮最初发出的光辉混合一片，月光又和她眼中流出的泪珠融合在一起。她没有意识到我已经看到这一切，想抑制住自己的情感，以平静的语气说道：
“你在这里一路走过来，看到这宅邸败落到如此的情况，你感到惊奇吗？”
“当然，埃斯苔娜。”
“这块地还是属于我的。只有这块地我总算还保留住了。这里的每一样东西都一点一点地离开了我，唯独这块地我保留住了。在这些令人伤心的年代里，就只有这一件东西我还是坚守下来没有卖出去。”
“还准备在这里建房子吗？”
“会建的。我就是在建屋之前来这里向它告别的。”她说着，然后用一种十分关心游子的语气说道：“你仍然住在国外？”
“仍然在国外。”
“我敢说，你一定过得不坏吧。”
“我努力工作只是为了生活，所以——是的，我生活得不坏。”
“我时常想到你。”埃斯苔娜说道。
“真的？”
“特别是近些日子，我更常想到你。虽然我生活中有一段很长的艰苦日子，但是我不会去想；我想到的是我竟对珍宝一无所知，把无价之宝竟然随便抛弃。自从我个人的情况不如意后，这些口忆就不得不在我心头占一席之地。”
“你永远在我的心里。”我答道。
我们又一次沉默无言，直到她打破沉寂。
“我没有想到，”埃斯苔娜说道，“我到这里来和故地告别，竟然又是和你告别，我感到很高兴。”
“埃斯苔娜，和我又一次分别，你高兴吗？可是对我来说，分别是一件痛苦的事。对我来说，上次分别时的悲伤和痛苦永远地萦绕在我的记忆之中。”
“可是，你上次不是对我说过，”埃斯苔娜非常诚心地答道，“‘但愿上帝保佑你，但愿上帝原宥你！’你上次能这么对我说，你现在也会这样对我说，而且是毫不犹豫地这样对我说。多年来痛苦给我的教训比任何别的事物对我的教训都更加深切，痛苦使我领会到你当时的心情。我已受尽折磨，心肠已碎，但是——我希望—— 会有改善。希望你像从前一样体谅我，善待我，并且告诉我，我俩仍是朋友。”
“我俩仍是朋友。”我说着站起身，并俯身扶她从长椅上站了起来。
“我们虽然分离，但愿情意长存。”埃斯苔娜说道。
我把她的手握在自己手中，一同走出这片废墟。记得在很久之前我第一次离开铁匠铺时，正值晨雾刚刚消散；现在我们刚走出废墟，夜雾也正开始消散。一片广阔的静寂沉浸在月色之中，似乎向我表明，我和她将永远一起，不再分离。