Chapter 41
IN vain should I attempt to describe the astonishment and disquiet of Herbert, when he and I and Provis sat down before the fire, and I recounted the whole of the secret. Enough, that I saw my own feelings reflected in Herbert's face, and, not least among them, my repugnance towards the man who had done so much for me.
What would alone have set a division between that man and us, if there had been no other dividing circumstance, was his triumph in my story. Saving his troublesome sense of having been `low' on one occasion since his return - on which point he began to hold forth to Herbert, the moment my revelation was finished - he had no perception of the possibility of my finding any fault with my good fortune. His boast that he had made me a gentleman, and that he had come to see me support the character on his ample resources, was made for me quite as much as for himself; and that it was a highly agreeable boast to both of us, and that we must both be very proud of it, was a conclusion quite established in his own mind.
`Though, look'ee here, Pip's comrade,' he said to Herbert, after having discoursed for some time, `I know very well that once since I come back - for half a minute - I've been low. I said to Pip, I knowed as I had been low. But don't you fret yourself on that score. I ain't made Pip a gentleman, and Pip ain't a going to make you a gentleman, not fur me not to know what's due to ye both. Dear boy, and Pip's comrade, you two may count upon me always having a gen-teel muzzle on. Muzzled I have been since that half a minute when I was betrayed into lowness, muzzled I am at the present time, muzzled I ever will be.'
Herbert said, `Certainly,' but looked as if there were no specific consolation in this, and remained perplexed and dismayed. We were anxious for the time when he would go to his lodging, and leave us together, but he was evidently jealous of leaving us together, and sat late. It was midnight before I took him round to Essex-street, and saw him safely in at his own dark door. When it closed upon him, I experienced the first moment of relief I had known since the night of his arrival.
Never quite free from an uneasy remembrance of the man on the stairs, I had always looked about me in taking my guest out after dark, and in bringing him back; and I looked about me now. Difficult as it is in a large city to avoid the suspicion of being watched, when the mind is conscious of danger in that regard, I could not persuade myself that any of the people within sight cared about my movements. The few who were passing, passed on their several ways, and the street was empty when I turned back into the Temple. Nobody had come out at the gate with us, nobody went in at the gate with me. As I crossed by the fountain, I saw his lighted back windows looking bright and quiet, and, when I stood for a few moments in the doorway of the building where I lived, before going up the stairs, Garden-court was as still and lifeless as the staircase was when I ascended it.
Herbert received me with open arms, and I had never felt before, so blessedly, what it is to have a friend. When he had spoken some sound words of sympathy and encouragement, we sat down to consider the question, What was to be done?
The chair that Provis had occupied still remaining where it had stood - for he had a barrack way with him of hanging about one spot, in one unsettled manner, and going through one round of observances with his pipe and his negro-head and his jack-knife and his pack of cards, and what not, as if it were all put down for him on a slate - I say, his chair remaining where it had stood, Herbert unconsciously took it, but next moment started out of it, pushed it away, and took another. He had no occasion to say, after that, that he had conceived an aversion for my patron, neither had I occasion to confess my own. We interchanged that confidence without shaping a syllable.
`What,' said I to Herbert, when he was safe in another chair, `what is to be done?'
`My poor dear Handel,' he replied, holding his head, `I am too stunned to think.'
`So was I, Herbert, when the blow first fell. Still, something must be done. He is intent upon various new expenses - horses, and carriages, and lavish appearance of all kinds. He must be stopped somehow.'
`You mean that you can't accept--'
`How can I?' I interposed, as Herbert paused. `Think of him!Look at him!'
An involuntary shudder passed over both of us.
`Yet I am afraid the dreadful truth is, Herbert, that he is attached to me, strongly attached to me. Was there ever such a fate!'
`My poor dear Handel,' Herbert repeated.
`Then,' said I, `after all, stopping short here, never taking another penny from him, think what I owe him already! Then again: I am heavily in debt - very heavily for me, who have now no expectations - and I have been bred to no calling, and I am fit for nothing.'
`Well, well, well!' Herbert remonstrated. `Don't say fit for nothing.'
`What am I fit for? I know only one thing that I am fit for, and that is, to go for a soldier. And I might have gone, my dear Herbert, but for the prospect of taking counsel with your friendship and affection.'
Of course I broke down there: and of course Herbert, beyond seizing a warm grip of my hand, pretended not to know it.
`Anyhow, my dear Handel,' said he presently, `soldiering won't do. If you were to renounce this patronage and these favours, I suppose you would do so with some faint hope of one day repaying what you have already had. Not very strong, that hope, if you went soldiering! Besides, it's absurd. You would be infinitely better in Clarriker's house, small as it is. I am working up towards a partnership, you know.'
Poor fellow! He little suspected with whose money.
`But there is another question,' said Herbert. `This is an ignorant determined man, who has long had one fixed idea. More than that, he seems to me (I may misjudge him) to be a man of a desperate and fierce character.'
`I know he is,' I returned. `Let me tell you what evidence I have seen of it.' And I told him what I had not mentioned in my narrative; of that encounter with the other convict.
`See, then,' said Herbert; `think of this! He comes here at the peril of his life, for the realization of his fixed idea. In the moment of realization, after all his toil and waiting, you cut the ground from under his feet, destroy his idea, and make his gains worthless to him. Do you see nothing that he might do, under the disappointment?'
`I have seen it, Herbert, and dreamed of it, ever since the fatal night of his arrival. Nothing has been in my thoughts so distinctly, as his putting himself in the way of being taken.'
`Then you may rely upon it,' said Herbert, `that there would be great danger of his doing it. That is his power over you as long as he remains in England, and that would be his reckless course if you forsook him.'
I was so struck by the horror of this idea, which had weighed upon me from the first, and the working out of which would make me regard myself, in some sort, as his murderer, that I could not rest in my chair but began pacing to and fro. I said to Herbert, meanwhile, that even if Provis were recognized and taken, in spite of himself, I should be wretched as the cause, however innocently. Yes; even though I was so wretched in having him at large and near me, and even though I would far far rather have worked at the forge all the days of my life than I would ever have come to this!
But there was no raving off the question, What was to be done?
`The first and the main thing to be done,' said Herbert, `is to get him out of England. You will have to go with him, and then he may be induced to go.'
`But get him where I will, could I prevent his coming back?'
`My good Handel, is it not obvious that with Newgate in the next street, there must be far greater hazard in your breaking your mind to him and making him reckless, here, than elsewhere. If a pretext to get him away could be made out of that other convict, or out of anything else in his life, now.'
`There, again!' said I, stopping before Herbert, with my open hands held out, as if they contained the desperation of the case. `I know nothing of his life. It has almost made me mad to sit here of a night and see him before me, so bound up with my fortunes and misfortunes, and yet so unknown to me, except as the miserable wretch who terrified me two days in my childhood!'
Herbert got up, and linked his arm in mine, and we slowly walked to and fro together, studying the carpet.
`Handel,' said Herbert, stopping, `you feel convinced that you can take no further benefits from him; do you?'
`Fully. Surely you would, too, if you were in my place?'
`And you feel convinced that you must break with him?'
`Herbert, can you ask me?'
`And you have, and are bound to have, that tenderness for the life he has risked on your account, that you must save him, if possible, from throwing it away. Then you must get him out of England before you stir a finger to extricate yourself. That done, extricate yourself, in Heaven's name, and we'll see it out together, dear old boy.'
It was a comfort to shake hands upon it, and walk up and down again, with only that done.
`Now, Herbert,' said I, `with reference to gaining some knowledge of his history. There is but one way that I know of. I must ask him point-blank.'
`Yes. Ask him,' said Herbert, `when we sit at breakfast in the morning.' For, he had said, on taking leave of Herbert, that he would come to breakfast with us.
With this project formed, we went to bed. I had the wildest dreams concerning him, and woke unrefreshed; I woke, too, to recover the fear which I had lost in the night, of his being found out as a returned transport. Waking, I never lost that fear.
He came round at the appointed time, took out his jack-knife, and sat down to his meal. He was full of plans `for his gentleman's coming out strong, and like a gentleman,' and urged me to begin speedily upon the pocket-book, which he had left in my possession. He considered the chambers and his own lodging as temporary residences, and advised me to look out at once for a `fashionable crib' near Hyde Park, in which he could have `a shake-down'. When he had made an end of his breakfast, and was wiping his knife on his leg, I said to him, without a word of preface:
`After you were gone last night, I told my friend of the struggle that the soldiers found you engaged in on the marshes, when we came up. You remember?'
`Remember!' said he. `I think so!'
`We want to know something about that man - and about you. It is strange to know no more about either, and particularly you, than I was able to tell last night. Is not this as good a time as another for our knowing more?'
`Well!' he said, after consideration. `You're on your oath, you know, Pip's comrade?'
`Assuredly,' replied Herbert.
`As to anything I say, you know,' he insisted. `The oath applies to all.'
`I understand it to do so.'
`And look'ee here! Wotever I done, is worked out and paid for,' he insisted again.
`So be it.'
He took out his black pipe and was going to fill it with negrohead, when, looking at the tangle of tobacco in his hand, he seemed to think it might perplex the thread of his narrative. He put it back again, stuck his pipe in a button-hole of his coat, spread a hand on each knee, and, after turning an angry eye on the fire for a few silent moments, looked round at us and said what follows.
赫伯特、我及普鲁威斯坐在壁炉前，我向赫怕特吐露了全部的秘密，他在听我讲时所表现出来的惊愕和内心的不平静，无须细述。只要看到赫伯特的面孔上出现了我自己所有的情感色彩就已足够。同样，对于这位对我有大恩大德的人我却表现出的厌恶情绪，在赫伯特的脸上也可以发现。
本来赫伯特、我和此人之间并无隔阂的情绪，而他在听了我的讲述之后却凯旋般地得意起来，仅凭此便足以造成我们和他之间的隔阂。自从他归国看我以来，曾说完话，便开始向赫伯特一再表白。他根本就没有想到，尽管我时来运转，而心里却在对这个好运挑剔不满呢。他一讲话便夸口说他把我造就成了一个上流人物，这次回来看我就是看我如何运用他的巨资维持我的绅士身份的。他的夸口既是为他，也是为我。他在自己的心里一定有他的见解，他的夸口对他自己和我来说都是合情合理、十分体面的，所以我们都该引以为骄傲。
“皮普的朋友，你听我说，”他说了一会儿以后，又对赫伯特道，“我是十分清楚的，我回国后有那么一次，也就是有半分钟的时间，表现出粗野不文明。我便对皮普说，我知道我是怎么样粗野不文明的。但是你千万不要因为这个问题而发愁。我把皮普培养成了一个绅士，皮普又把你培养成了一个绅士，我知道该怎么样对待你们两个人。亲爱的孩子，还有皮普的朋友，我可以向你们两人保证，以后我会永远戴上一只文雅的口罩。自从那半分钟我话中露出了我的粗野不文明后，我就戴上了这只口罩，现在我戴着这口罩，以后也永远戴着这口罩。”
听了他的话，赫伯特嘴上说了声“是”，不过从面容上看，他好像并未因此而感到宽慰，却留下了迷惑不解和惊慌不定的神色。我们内心都很焦急，希望他快些回到住处去休息，让我和赫伯特留下来，可是他却又珍惜又忌妒这个时刻，舍不得和我们分开。我们一直坐到很晚，过了半夜我才绕着道儿把他送到艾塞克斯街，看着他安全地进入他自己黑暗的房门，看着他把房门关上，这时我才体验到自他来之后的第一次心情放松。
那个在楼梯上看到的人一直留在我的记忆中，这永远使我内心不安，所以每逢天黑之后，我带着我的客人走进走出时，都要向四周仔细观察一番。这一次我也不例外。身居大城市，只要心中意识到存在着受人监视的危险，就很难避开受人监视的疑虑，不过我并不相信在这里有什么人正在注意我的一举一动。街上行人不多，都在各自赶路，在我返回寺区时，街上空无一人。我们出去时没有人跟着我们出去，在我回来时也没有人跟着我回来。我经过喷水池时，看到他后窗里灯光明亮，房内安静。我在自己住的房子门口站了几分钟，看到花园里一片寂静无声，然后才上楼；爬楼时，楼梯上也同样寂静无声。
赫伯特张开双臂来欢迎我，我感到从未有过的幸福，有这么一位朋友多好啊。他对我讲了几句颇有见解的话以表对我的同情和鼓励，然后我们坐下来讨论问题：下一步我们该怎么办？
普鲁威斯坐过的那张椅子依旧留在原处，原封未动，因为他和牢房做伴，习惯了固守在一处地方，总是怀着不安的情绪，把他的烟斗、黑人头牌烟丝、水手刀和扑克牌统统拿出来玩一通，这就好像写在石板上的课程表一样，都得来一遍。我说他坐过的那张椅子依旧留在原处原封未动，赫伯特这时无意识地坐了上去，但霎时就从椅子上惊跳起来，把它推开，换了一张椅子坐。不需要语言就可以了解，他对我的恩主所表现出来的厌恶情绪，当然也不需要我再多言。我们两人之间不需要多说一个音节，就能相互了解，心心相印。
赫伯特放心地坐在另一张椅子上，坐定后我对他说：“你看，下一步该怎么办？”
“我可怜的、亲爱的汉德尔，”他用手托着头说道，“我惊呆了，一脑子空白，什么也说不出。”
“我和你一样，赫伯特，真是晴天霹雳。不过，我们还是要考虑一下该怎么办。他现在是一心一意花钱摆阔，要买马，买车，买各种各样的东西。该阻止他一下。”
“你是说你不能接受——”
“我怎么能呢？”我在赫伯特停了一下时插言说，“想一想他是何许人也，看一看他这样子！”
我们两人都不自禁地打了个颤。
“赫伯特，我所担心的是这件可怕的事实；他真的粘住了我，他强烈的盛情都倾注在了我的身上，难道这就是我的命运？”
赫伯特又说了一句：“我可怜的、亲爱的汉德尔！”
“还有，”我说道，“即使我现在来个猛然煞车，再不从他那儿取一分钱，想想我已经欠下他多少！再说，我有多少债务，这对我来说是多么沉重的债啊！我对遗产现在不再指盼了，可我没有学过一门职业，什么事也干不成。”
“唔，唔，唔！”赫伯特劝我道，“不要说什么干不成这类的话了。”
“你说我还能干什么？我知道只有一件事我可以干，那就是去当兵。亲爱的赫伯特，如果不想到你的友谊和情感，如果不想到等你回来做一番商量，我怕早已去当兵了。”
自然，说到这里，我不自禁地大哭起来；自然，赫伯特除掉紧紧地、热情地抓住我的手外，装作了什么也没有见到。
“我亲爱的汉德尔，”他等了一会儿说道，“你千万不能去当兵。你如果拒绝他当你的恩主，拒绝他给你的好处，我认为你总该有一点希望将来把你从他那里得到的再偿还给他吧。如果你去当兵，看来这点希望就不存在了。此外，这个想法是荒谬的。我看你还是到我们的克拉利柯公司来，它虽小，但比当兵可强得不知多少。你知道，我正在努力成为合伙人呢。”
可怜的人啊！他到现在还不知道他是用谁的钱在这公司工作呢。
“不过这里有另一个问题，”赫伯特说道，“这个人没有文化，做事却很坚决，心里早就打定了主意。在我看来更重要的是，他是一个不顾死活而且性格暴烈的人，当然也许我对他的估计是错误的。”
“我对他这一情况倒是清楚的，”我答道，“那我就来告诉你我亲眼所见的一个证据吧。”于是我便告诉他那件还没有提到的事，也就是最初发生的他和另一个逃犯互斗的事。
“想一想自然明白，”赫伯特说道，“他冒了生命的危险来到这里，就是为了实现他早就打定的主意。如果在他实现心愿的时候，实现他历尽辛苦多年盼求的愿望时，你却使他站不住脚，摧毁他的主意，使他的财产毫无用处。你倒看一看，处于如此的失望情绪下，他会干出什么呢？”
“赫伯特，我早就看出来了，自从他来到这里的那个不吉的晚上开始，我连梦中也会想到，我是再清楚也不过了，他说不定会去投案自首。”
赫伯特答道：“那么你就等着瞧，有可能他会孤注一掷的。反正他留在英国，他就有权力左右你，如果你把他抛弃了，他也就会什么也不顾地这么于一下。”
这一令人胆战心惊的思想从一开始就压在我身上使我动弹不得，现在却更深地打击着我，一旦这成为事实，我岂不成了谋害他的凶手。想到这里，我在椅子上坐不住了，便站起身来在屋里走来走去。于是我对赫伯特说，即使普鲁威斯本人被人们认出来而遭逮捕，尽管原因出于他自己，我自己是清白无辜，我仍然会感到不幸与痛苦，因为他遭捕总和我有关。是的，如果我把他放在我身边，我还是会感到不幸与痛苦，说实话，我宁愿一生中天天在铁匠铺中打铁，也不愿意处于这种情况。
可是这个问题迫在眼前，不能延宕，究竟该怎么办呢？
“首先的，也是主要的事，”赫伯特说道，“就是先让他离开英国。你一定要和他一起走，只有这样他才可能走。”
“可是，我无论把他带到哪里，我能阻止他不回到英国吗？”
“我的好汉德尔，难道这还不明显吗？新门监狱就在隔壁街道上，你要在这里对他表明你的心情岂不比在其他地方有更大的危险，也更会造成他什么都不顾地孤注一掷。要找到一个借口让他走，比如利用另一个罪犯作为借口，或者利用他经历中的另一件事情作为借口让他离开这里。”
“问题又来了！”我停下脚步，站在赫伯特面前，把两手向他一摊，仿佛这包含了无可奈何的意思，说道，“至于他个人的经历我不知道。反正每天晚上坐在这里，看到他在我面前，就会使我发疯。我的走运和不幸都和他捆绑在一起，其实我对他一无所知，如果说有所了解，那只是在我童年时代这一位不幸的可怜人恐吓了我两天。”
赫伯特从椅子中站起来，挽着我的臂膀，我们一起在房间中缓慢地来回踱着，眼睛都注视着地毯。
“汉德尔，”赫伯特停住了脚说道，“你肯定再不想从他那里得到好处了吗？是不是？”
“完全肯定。如果你处在我的地位，肯定也会这样的，是吗？”
“那么你肯定了你一定要和他决裂吗？”
“赫伯特，你还用问我吗？”
“他冒了生命的危险回国，都是为了你，所以你应当，也必须尽一切可能救他的命。你要从这件事中脱身，也得先把他送出英国。我亲爱的老伙计，以天国的名义，我们要一起把他送出英国，然后再从这件事中脱身出来。”
我们握手表示祝贺这一项小小的决定，彼此内心都由之而获得宽慰，然后我们又继续在房中来回踱步。
我说道：“赫伯特，现在我们来看看怎么样了解他的个人经历。我看这里有一个方法可行，即我直截了当地问他。”
“是的，问他，”赫伯特说道，“在我们早晨吃早饭时问他。”因为普鲁威斯在和赫伯特告别时，说明天他要来和我们一起吃早餐。
既然主意打定，我们便上床睡觉。夜里我做了关于他的许多怪梦，醒来，也萎靡不振，甚至昨夜已消失掉的忧虑，现在又回到了心头，唯恐被别人发现这是一个潜逃回来的流放犯。只要醒着，这种忧虑便再也不会离去。
次日早晨，他准时来到，掏出他的水手刀，坐下来吃早餐。他满腹计划，都是“为了让他培养的绅士出人头地，像一个上流社会的人”。他催促我开始花他那钱袋中的钱，就是他曾交给我的那个大皮夹子。他说我住的这几间房屋和他的住地都不过是临时住处，他要我立刻到外面去找一处“上流社会的小窝”，要在海德公园附近，在里面他可以搭一张“便床”。他的早餐刚结束，他便在腿上擦他的水手刀，于是我便对他直言，毫不转弯抹角地说：
“昨天晚上你离开这里后，我和我的朋友谈起很早的时候官兵们在沼泽地上寻找你的那件事，当时我跟着他们也到了沼泽地，你还记得吗？”
“记得！”他说道，“我记得这回事。”
“我们很想知道一点关于另一个人的情况，也想了解一下你的情况。对你们两人的情况知道甚少，这倒有点奇怪，特别关于你的情况竟然只知道那么一点点，所以昨天晚上我们三言两语就谈完了。你看趁这个机会不妨多告诉我们一些。”
“好啊，”他考虑了一下说道，“皮普的朋友，要知道，你也已经发过誓不讲出去。”
“那当然了。”赫伯特答道。
他又坚持地重申：“无论我说什么，你都得遵守你发的誓。”
“我知道我该做的事。”
“那么，听我说！我以前无论犯的什么罪，现在均已抵消，一切也都偿还了。”他又重申了一次他的立场。
“是这样。”
他先取出他的那只黑烟斗，正打算把黑人头牌烟丝装进去，却又打量着手中的这一团乱七八糟的烟丝，好像他认为这烟丝会打乱他要讲述的故事，便连忙把烟丝放回，把烟斗塞进大衣的钮扣洞里，两只手放在两个膝头上，用他转动的、带有怒气的眼睛望着壁炉，静静地望了几分钟，然后又看看我们四周，便告诉了我们下面的故事。