Chapter 23
MR POCKET said he was glad to see me, and he hoped I was not sorry to see him. `For, I really am not,' he added, with his son's smile, `an alarming personage.' He was a young-looking man, in spite of his perplexities and his very grey hair, and his manner seemed quite natural. I use the word natural, in the sense of its being unaffected; there was something comic in his distraught way, as though it would have been downright ludicrous but for his own perception that it was very near being so. When he had talked with me a little, he said to Mrs Pocket, with a rather anxious contraction of his eyebrows, which were black and handsome, `Belinda, I hope you have welcomed Mr Pip?' And she looked up from her book, and said, `Yes.' She then smiled upon me in an absent state of mind, and asked me if I liked the taste of orange-flower water? As the question had no bearing, near or remote, on any foregone or subsequent transaction, I consider it to have been thrown out, like her previous approaches, in general conversational condescension.
I found out within a few hours, and may mention at once, that Mrs Pocket was the only daughter of a certain quite accidental deceased Knight, who had invented for himself a conviction that his deceased father would have been made a Baronet but for somebody's determined opposition arising out of entirely personal motives - I forget whose, if I ever knew - the Sovereign's, the Prime Minister's, the Lord Chancellor's, the Archbishop of Canterbury's, anybody's - and had tacked himself on to the nobles of the earth in right of this quite supposititious fact. I believe he had been knighted himself for storming the English grammar at the point of the pen, in a desperate address engrossed on vellum, on the occasion of the laying of the first stone of some building or other, and for handing some Royal Personage either the trowel or the mortar. Be that as it may, he had directed Mrs Pocket to be brought up from her cradle as one who in the nature of things must marry a title, and who was to be guarded from the acquisition of plebeian domestic knowledge.
So successful a watch and ward had been established over the young lady by this judicious parent, that she had grown up highly ornamental, but perfectly helpless and useless. With her character thus happily formed, in the first bloom of her youth she had encountered Mr Pocket: who was also in the first bloom of youth, and not quite decided whether to mount to the Woolsack, or to roof himself in with a mitre. As his doing the one or the other was a mere question of time, he and Mrs Pocket had taken Time by the forelock (when, to judge from its length, it would seem to have wanted cutting), and had married without the knowledge of the judicious parent. The judicious parent, having nothing to bestow or withhold but his blessing, had handsomely settled that dower upon them after a short struggle, and had informed Mr Pocket that his wife was `a treasure for a Prince.' Mr Pocket had invested the Prince's treasure in the ways of the world ever since, and it was supposed to have brought him in but indifferent interest. Still, Mrs Pocket was in general the object of a queer sort of respectful pity, because she had not married a title; while Mr Pocket was the object of a queer sort of forgiving reproach, because he had never got one.
Mr Pocket took me into the house and showed me my room: which was a pleasant one, and so furnished as that I could use it with comfort for my own private sitting-room. He then knocked at the doors of two other similar rooms, and introduced me to their occupants, by name Drummle and Startop. Drummle, an old-looking young man of a heavy order of architecture, was whistling. Startop, younger in years and appearance, was reading and holding his head, as if he thought himself in danger of exploding it with too strong a charge of knowledge.
Both Mr and Mrs Pocket had such a noticeable air of being in somebody else's hands, that I wondered who really was in possession of the house and let them live there, until I found this unknown power to be the servants. It was a smooth way of going on, perhaps, in respect of saving trouble; but it had the appearance of being expensive, for the servants felt it a duty they owed to themselves to be nice in their eating and drinking, and to keep a deal of company down stairs. They allowed a very liberal table to Mr and Mrs Pocket, yet it always appeared to me that by far the best part of the house to have boarded in, would have been the kitchen - always supposing the boarder capable of self-defence, for, before I had been there a week, a neighbouring lady with whom the family were personally unacquainted, wrote in to say that she had seen Millers slapping the baby. This greatly distressed Mrs Pocket, who burst into tears on receiving the note, and said that it was an extraordinary thing that the neighbours couldn't mind their own business.
By degrees I learnt, and chiefly from Herbert, that Mr Pocket had been educated at Harrow and at Cambridge, where he had distinguished himself; but that when he had had the happiness of marrying Mrs Pocket very early in life, he had impaired his prospects and taken up the calling of a Grinder. After grinding a number of dull blades - of whom it was remarkable that their fathers, when influential, were always going to help him to preferment, but always forgot to do it when the blades had left the Grindstone - he had wearied of that poor work and had come to London. Here, after gradually failing in loftier hopes, he had `read' with divers who had lacked opportunities or neglected them, and had refurbished divers others for special occasions, and had turned his acquirements to the account of literary compilation and correction, and on such means, added to some very moderate private resources, still maintained the house I saw.
Mr and Mrs Pocket had a toady neighbour; a widow lady of that highly sympathetic nature that she agreed with everybody, blessed everybody, and shed smiles and tears on everybody, according to circumstances. This lady's name was Mrs Coiler, and I had the honour of taking her down to dinner on the day of my installation. She gave me to understand on the stairs, that it was a blow to dear Mrs Pocket that dear Mr Pocket should be under the necessity of receiving gentlemen to read with him. That did not extend to me, she told me in a gush of love and confidence (at that time, I had known her something less than five minutes); if they were all like Me, it would be quite another thing.
`But dear Mrs Pocket,' said Mrs Coiler, `after her early disappointment (not that dear Mr Pocket was to blame in that), requires so much luxury and elegance--'
`Yes, ma'am,' I said, to stop her, for I was afraid she was going to cry.
`And she is of so aristocratic a disposition--'
`Yes, ma'am,' I said again, with the same object as before.
` - that it is hard,' said Mrs Coiler, `to have dear Mr Pocket's time and attention diverted from dear Mrs Pocket.'
I could not help thinking that it might be harder if the butcher's time and attention were diverted from dear Mrs Pocket; but I said nothing, and indeed had enough to do in keeping a bashful watch upon my company-manners.
It came to my knowledge, through what passed between Mrs Pocket and Drummle while I was attentive to my knife and fork, spoon, glasses, and other instruments of self-destruction, that Drummle, whose christian name was Bentley, was actually the next heir but one to a baronetcy. It further appeared that the book I had seen Mrs Pocket reading in the garden, was all about titles, and that she knew the exact date at which her grandpapa would have come into the book, if he ever had come at all. Drummle didn't say much, but in his limited way (he struck me as a sulky kind of fellow) he spoke as one of the elect, and recognized Mrs Pocket as a woman and a sister. No one but themselves and Mrs Coiler the toady neighbour showed any interest in this part of the conversation, and it appeared to me that it was painful to Herbert; but it promised to last a long time, when the page came in with the announcement of a domestic affliction. It was, in effect, that the cook had mislaid the beef. To my unutterable amazement, I now, for the first time, saw Mr Pocket relieve his mind by going through a performance that struck me as very extraordinary, but which made no impression on anybody else, and with which I soon became as familiar as the rest. He laid down the carving-knife and fork - being engaged in carving, at the moment - put his two hands into his disturbed hair, and appeared to make an extraordinary effort to lift himself up by it. When he had done this, and had not lifted himself up at all, he quietly went on with what he was about.
Mrs Coiler then changed the subject, and began to flatter me. I liked it for a few moments, but she flattered me so very grossly that the pleasure was soon over. She had a serpentine way of coming close at me when she pretended to be vitally interested in the friends and localities I had left, which was altogether snaky and fork-tongued; and when she made an occasional bounce upon Startop (who said very little to her), or upon Drummle (who said less), I rather envied them for being on the opposite side of the table.
After dinner the children were introduced, and Mrs Coiler made admiring comments on their eyes, noses, and legs - a sagacious way of improving their minds. There were four little girls, and two little boys, besides the baby who might have been either, and the baby's next successor who was as yet neither. They were brought in by Flopson and Millers, much as though those two noncommissioned officers had been recruiting somewhere for children and had enlisted these: while Mrs Pocket looked at the young Nobles that ought to have been, as if she rather thought she had had the pleasure of inspecting them before, but didn't quite know what to make of them.
`Here! Give me your fork, Mum, and take the baby,' said Flopson. `Don't take it that way, or you'll get its head under the table.'
Thus advised, Mrs Pocket took it the other way, and got its head upon the table; which was announced to all present by a prodigious concussion.
`Dear, dear! Give it me back, Mum,' said Flopson; `and Miss Jane, come and dance to baby, do!'
One of the little girls, a mere mite who seemed to have prematurely taken upon herself some charge of the others, stepped out of her place by me, and danced to and from the baby until it left off crying, and laughed. Then, all the children laughed, and Mr Pocket (who in the meantime had twice endeavoured to lift himself up by the hair) laughed, and we all laughed and were glad.
Flopson, by dint of doubling the baby at the joints like a Dutch doll, then got it safely into Mrs Pocket's lap, and gave it the nutcrackers to play with: at the same time recommending Mrs Pocket to take notice that the handles of that instrument were not likely to agree with its eyes, and sharply charging Miss Jane to look after the same. Then, the two nurses left the room, and had a lively scuffle on the staircase with a dissipated page who had waited at dinner, and who had clearly lost half his buttons at the gamingtable.
I was made very uneasy in my mind by Mrs Pocket's falling into a discussion with Drummle respecting two baronetcies, while she ate a sliced orange steeped in sugar and wine, and forgetting all about the baby on her lap: who did most appalling things with the nutcrackers. At length, little Jane perceiving its young brains to be imperilled, softly left her place, and with many small artifices coaxed the dangerous weapon away. Mrs Pocket finishing her orange at about the same time, and not approving of this, said to Jane:
`You naughty child, how dare you? Go and sit down this instant!'
`Mamma dear,' lisped the little girl, `baby ood have put hith eyeth out.'
`How dare you tell me so?' retorted Mrs Pocket. `Go and sit down in your chair this moment!'
Mrs Pocket's dignity was so crushing, that I felt quite abashed: as if I myself had done something to rouse it.
`Belinda,' remonstrated Mr Pocket, from the other end of the table, `how can you be so unreasonable? Jane only interfered for the protection of baby.'
`I will not allow anybody to interfere,' said Mrs Pocket. `I am surprised, Matthew, that you should expose me to the affront of interference.'
`Good God!' cried Mr Pocket, in an outbreak of desolate desperation. `Are infants to be nutcrackered into their tombs, and is nobody to save them?'
`I will not be interfered with by Jane,' said Mrs Pocket, with a majestic glance at that innocent little offender. `I hope I know my poor grandpapa's position. Jane, indeed!'
Mr Pocket got his hands in his hair again, and this time really did lift himself some inches out of his chair. `Hear this!' he helplessly exclaimed to the elements. `Babies are to be nutcrackered dead, for people's poor grandpapa's positions!' Then he let himself down again, and became silent.
We all looked awkwardly at the table-cloth while this was going on. A pause succeeded, during which the honest and irrepressible baby made a series of leaps and crows at little Jane, who appeared to me to be the only member of the family (irrespective of servants) with whom it had any decided acquaintance.
`Mr Drummle,' said Mrs Pocket, `will you ring for Flopson? Jane, you undutiful little thing, go and lie down. Now, baby darling, come with ma!'
The baby was the soul of honour, and protested with all its might. It doubled itself up the wrong way over Mrs Pocket's arm, exhibited a pair of knitted shoes and dimpled ankles to the company in lieu of its soft face, and was carried out in the highest state of mutiny. And it gained its point after all, for I saw it through the window within a few minutes, being nursed by little Jane.
It happened that the other five children were left behind at the dinner-table, through Flopson's having some private engagement, and their not being anybody else's business. I thus became aware of the mutual relations between them and Mr Pocket, which were exemplified in the following manner. Mr Pocket, with the normal perplexity of his face heightened and his hair rumpled, looked at them for some minutes, as if he couldn't make out how they came to be boarding and lodging in that establishment, and why they hadn't been billeted by Nature on somebody else. Then, in a distant, Missionary way he asked them certain questions - as why little Joe had that hole in his frill: who said, Pa, Flopson was going to mend it when she had time - and how little Fanny came by that whitlow: who said, Pa, Millers was going to poultice it when she didn't forget. Then, he melted into parental tenderness, and gave them a shilling apiece and told them to go and play; and then as they went out, with one very strong effort to lift himself up by the hair he dismissed the hopeless subject.
In the evening there was rowing on the river. As Drummle and Startop had each a boat, I resolved to set up mine, and to cut them both out. I was pretty good at most exercises in which countryboys are adepts, but, as I was conscious of wanting elegance of style for the Thames - not to say for other waters - I at once engaged to place myself under the tuition of the winner of a prizewherry who plied at our stairs, and to whom I was introduced by my new allies. This practical authority confused me very much, by saying I had the arm of a blacksmith. If he could have known how nearly the compliment lost him his pupil, I doubt if he would have paid it.
There was a supper-tray after we got home at night, and I think we should all have enjoyed ourselves, but for a rather disagreeable domestic occurrence. Mr Pocket was in good spirits, when a housemaid came in, and said, `If you please, sir, I should wish to speak to you.'
`Speak to your master?' said Mrs Pocket, whose dignity was roused again. `How can you think of such a thing? Go and speak to Flopson. Or speak to me - at some other time.'
`Begging your pardon, ma'am,' returned the housemaid, `I should wish to speak at once, and to speak to master.'
Hereupon, Mr Pocket went out of the room, and we made the best of ourselves until he came back.
`This is a pretty thing, Belinda!' said Mr Pocket, returning with a countenance expressive of grief and despair. `Here's the cook lying insensibly drunk on the kitchen floor, with a large bundle of fresh butter made up in the cupboard ready to sell for grease!'
Mrs Pocket instantly showed much amiable emotion, and said, `This is that odious Sophia's doing!'
`What do you mean, Belinda?' demanded Mr Pocket.
`Sophia has told you,' said Mrs Pocket. `Did I not see her with my own eyes and hear her with my own ears, come into the room just now and ask to speak to you?'
`But has she not taken me down stairs, Belinda,' returned Mr Pocket, `and shown me the woman, and the bundle too?'
`And do you defend her, Matthew,' said Mrs Pocket, `for making mischief?'
Mr Pocket uttered a dismal groan.
`Am I, grandpapa's granddaughter, to be nothing in the house?' said Mrs Pocket. `Besides, the cook has always been a very nice respectful woman, and said in the most natural manner when she came to look after the situation, that she felt I was born to be a Duchess.'
There was a sofa where Mr Pocket stood, and he dropped upon it in the attitude of the Dying Gladiator. Still in that attitude he said, with a hollow voice, `Good night, Mr Pip,' when I deemed it advisable to go to bed and leave him.
鄱凯特先生说他见到我很是高兴，希望我见到他不要感到失望。他脸上露出像他儿子一般的笑容，又补充说：“我本来就是一个不足为奇的人物。”尽管他脸上现出困惑的表情，而且头发也已灰白，可是细看他却是长得颇为年轻，而且态度又十分自然洒脱。我用自然洒脱这个词，是指无矫揉做作之处。他的行为举止显得神态恍惚、滑稽可笑，幸亏他自有领悟，知道自己的怪异之处，否则就更加荒唐可笑了。他和我攀谈了片刻，便带着不安的神态，抬起他乌黑漂亮的眉毛对他的夫人说道：“白琳达，你一定欢迎过皮普先生了吧？”她从书上抬起双眼，说道：“欢迎了。”然后微笑着看着我，有些神不守舍的样子，又问我是不是喜欢喝桔花水。她说的话和我们刚才以及后来所谈的内容都没有直接或间接的联系，她之所以如此这般脱口而出，无非是一种客套而已，早先她对我说的话也是如此。
在几个小时之内我便了解到（这里可以先提一下）鄱凯特夫人原来是一位已故自封爵士的独生女。他在世时有一个奇想，认为他已故的父亲本来应该被封为男爵，可是由于有人完全出自个人的私怨而把他否定了——即使当时我对详情了解得清楚，现在也说不清这个反对者究竟是谁了，无非是君主陛下，或者首相大人、大法官、坎特布雷大主教等这一类人物——于是他就从这一个假想的事实出发，把自己也加进了贵族行列。我认为他之所以自封为爵士，是因为有一次在某位王公大臣为某个建筑主持奠基典礼时，曾舞文弄墨地在羊皮纸上起草过一篇语法不通的演说词，在典礼上又为这位王公大臣递过泥刀和灰浆。虽然不过如此，但他竟要求鄱凯特夫人从婴儿开始便要培养成将来非高官显爵不嫁的小姐，而且指示不得让她知道平民的家庭生活常识。
这位年轻的小姐在她有见识的父亲的管教之下获得非常的成功，长得一表人才，十分出众，在处世方面一点用处也没有，什么也不懂。在养尊处优的情况下，她进入了豆蔻年华，而且遇到了鄱凯特先生。那时，他也正处于风华正茂，究竟将来是要爬上大法官的宝座，还是准备戴上大主教的桂冠，还没有拿定主意。不管怎样，不是大主教就是大法官，志向已定，只是时间问题。他和鄱凯特夫人相遇后，便不能等待，必须抓紧时机，因为爱情的丝一经连上，就难以切断。于是他们在她那卓有见识的父亲蒙在鼓里的情况下悄然结婚了。这位有见识的父亲骑虎难下，除了祝福之外，既没有什么可给，也没有什么可不给，在经历了一段内心斗争之后，就把祝福当作嫁妆赐给他们，并谆谆教导鄱凯特先生说，他的妻子是具有“王妃”价值的稀世之宝。自此以后，鄱凯特先生幻想让这位具有王妃价值的稀世之宝也懂些人间的妇人之道，但据说这位夫人对此道却很冷漠。不过，因为鄱凯特夫人没有嫁给王公大臣，人们对她的看法倒也奇妙，认为她值得尊敬的怜悯；又因为鄱凯特先生既没有攀上大法官宝座，又没有戴上大主教桂冠，所以人们对他的看法也同样奇妙，认为该是宽大的指责。
鄱凯特先生领着我走进屋子，把我的房间指给我看。这房间很不错，布置得相当适宜，即使当作我个人的会客室也是挺不错的。然后，他又敲开另外两间相似的房间，把我介绍给这两个房间中的住户。他们是德鲁莫尔和斯塔特普。德鲁莫尔看上去是一个生得比较苍老的年轻人，身体的框架很粗大，嘴里吹着口哨。斯塔特普无论在年岁上和外表上都显得年轻些，正用两手抱着脑袋在读书，好像他脑袋中的知识装得很满，唯恐要爆炸似的。
鄱凯特先生和鄱凯特夫人的态度一望而知，都是大权旁落之人。我不知道究竟是谁操纵着这幢屋子的大权，并且让他们住在这里，最后我才发现，这无形的大权竟落在仆人们的手里。也许为了减少麻烦，这倒是一条顺顺当当的道路，不过这样必然花销很大，因为仆人们会感到她们有义务让自己吃得好，喝得好，并且可以在楼下招待自己的宾客，这样才对得起自己。她们在饮食方面对鄱凯特先生和夫人侍候得很丰盛，不过我总有一个感觉，整座房子中最好最舒适的地方肯定是厨房，而且这些住在厨房里的人又有自卫的能力，想反对她们是万万不能的，下面的例子便可说明。我来这儿还不到一个星期，就有一位和这个家庭素无来往的邻居写了一封信来，说她亲眼看见米耐丝打过宝宝。这封信竟使得鄱凯特夫人大为伤心，大哭大叫地说，这真是一件奇怪透顶的事，一个邻居怎么管起他们家的事来。
我住下来之后，一点一滴地了解到（主要从赫伯特那里）鄱凯特先生毕业于哈罗中学，又在剑桥大学读过书，是才华卓越的学生。因为在他刚风华年少时便幸福地和鄱凯特夫人缔结美满婚姻，从另一方面说，也毁灭了他的远大前程，不得不成为一位补习先生，像在磨刀石上研磨钝刀一样教那些愚笨的学生。这些笨家伙的父亲们一开始便许下愿，以后要如何帮助他出山使他高升，可是等这些钝刀磨好后从磨刀石上拿走，他们对自己的诺言早已忘得一干二净。他对这种可怜的工作厌烦后便举家迁人伦敦住了一个阶段，等到他崇高的理想慢慢地销声匿迹以后，他又不得不重操“读书”旧业，教那些失掉机会读书或虚度少年时光的人，为那些因特殊情况需要学习的人补习功课，同时还在文学作品的编写及校勘方面发挥个人的天才，凭此所得，再加上他名下微薄的资产，才维持了我所见到的这一个家。
鄱凯特先生和夫人有一位马屁精邻居，是一位有高度同情心的寡妇，永远赞成每一个人，祝福每一个人，对每一个人微笑，对每一个人流泪，当然，她的同情心是随机而变的。这位妇人就是考埃勒夫人。我第一天来到这里时，曾荣幸地和她同桌用餐。走在楼梯上时她就指点我，说这位可爱的鄱凯特先生每一次必须收几个学生来读书时，便苦坏了鄱凯特夫人。她马上又流露出十分亲切的情感，非常真诚地对我说（虽然我认识她还不到五分钟），当然这不包括我，如果个个学生都像我一样，情况便可另当别论了。
“不过，”考埃勒夫人说道，“亲爱的鄱凯特夫人早年失意，当然这不能责怪鄱凯特先生，但现在按理说来是应该过得快活些，过得讲究的——”
“夫人，你说的很对。”我担心她会哭起来，所以连忙插言阻止她说下去。
“可是她的天性就是有贵族气派——”
“夫人，你说的很对。”我怀着和刚才同样的目的，又说了一句。
“亲爱的鄱凯特先生不能专心致志地侍候鄱凯特夫人，”考埃勒夫人说道，“那可是真太残酷了。”
听了她的话后我心中突然想到，要是肉店老板不专心致志地侍候鄱凯特夫人那才是残酷呢，不过我没有说出口。说实话，对待这些人都得见机行事，还是保持腼腆些为佳，以免贻笑大方。
吃饭时，我一面听鄱凯特夫人和德鲁莫尔之间的谈话，一面特别小心谨慎地使用刀、叉、匙、杯等等餐具，以免惹是生非。从谈话中得知德鲁莫尔的教名是本特莱，确确实实是一位准男爵的第二继承人。我又进一步了解到，鄱凯特夫人在花园中读的那本书是一本关于爵位的书，如果她的祖父也出现在那本书中，她肯定知道确切的时间。德鲁莫尔话说得不多，但在我们感觉中他是属于阴险的一类人，因为他虽然话不多，但一说话就显得高傲，同时把鄱凯特夫人视为名门贵妇。只有他们自己加上那位马屁精邻居考埃勒夫人才对这谈话有兴趣，我发现即使是赫伯特，脸上也现出痛苦的表情。幸亏有个小仆人进来说发生了一件很不幸的事情，否则他们的谈话还不知道要延长到什么时候。其实，也不是什么了不起的不幸事件，只不过是厨师想不起把牛肉放在什么地方了。使我大为惊奇的是，我第一次看到鄱凯特先生听到这个消息后的行为表现；虽然我感到非常奇怪，可别人的表情似乎都无动于衷，不久我也就和其他人一样，对此也不以为怪了。刚才他一听到这消息，就放下正在切牛肉的刀叉，用两只手抓住蓬松杂乱的头发，看上去要大大地发作一番，想把自己拎起来。他努力想拎起自己，结果徒然，于是渐渐地平静下来，又开始切起了牛肉。
考埃勒夫人一转她的话锋，开始对我拍起马屁来。最初，我听得挺高兴，但后来她的马屁拍得越来越大，我的高兴劲儿就全都消失了。她像舌头开叉的蛇一样游动到我面前，假装着要了解我家乡和亲友情况。间或她也游到对面和斯塔特普攀谈起来（不过他跟她说得极少），有时又去缠着德鲁莫尔（他也谈得不多）。我真羡慕这两位，因为他们坐在对面，不会像我这样受她许多的罪。
饭吃完后，孩子们都给带了进来，考埃勒夫人便运用她的赞词，称这一个眼睛美，那一个鼻子悄，还有一个腿生得漂亮——这倒是改进他们心智的好方法。孩子们中有四个女孩，两个男孩，那位宝宝究竟是男是女尚弄不清楚，至于下一个就更不得而知了。芙萝普莘和米耐丝把孩子们带进来，俨然似两名被派去招募孩子兵的现役军官，现在正带回销差。鄱凯特夫人看着这些本该是贵族的娃娃，好像早就应该对他们检阅观察一番，可问题在于她实在不知道该拿他们怎么办。
“这样，夫人，把你手中的叉子给我，抱住宝宝，”芙萝普莘说道，“不能这样抱，这样他的头会碰到桌子下面的。”
鄱凯特夫人接受了忠告之后，便换了抱宝宝的姿势，于是宝宝的头没有碰到桌子下面，却碰到了桌子上面，“砰”的一声，使所有在场的人都吓了一跳。
“天啦，天啦！夫人，还是我来吧！”芙萝普莘说道，“来，珍妮小姐，你跳个舞给宝宝看看，跳！”
珍妮是几个女孩中的一个，也小得可怜，不过她早就有了任务，要照顾其他几个小妹妹小弟弟。她本来站在我旁边，这时便走到宝宝面前跳来跳去，真的把宝宝跳得停止了哭声，而且笑了。于是，所有的孩子笑了，鄱凯特先生笑了（刚才他又陷入绝境似的两次用尽力气抓头发，企图把自己拎起来），我们大家也都笑了，而且欢快无比。
英萝普宰用手托住宝宝的屁股，把它摆成个荷兰洋娃娃的样子，十分小心地放在鄱凯特夫人的膝上，又拿了个胡桃钳子给宝宝玩，并且告诉鄱凯特夫人要看好，不要让胡桃钳子的栖戳到宝宝眼睛，那可不是儿戏，然后又尖声对珍妮小姐说，要她也照管好宝宝。说毕，两位保姆离开房间，到了楼梯口就和那位刚才在这里侍候大家用膳的小仆人扭打起来。这个小仆人是个放荡不羁的人，显而易见在赌桌前输了钱。
鄱凯特夫人一味地沉浸在和德鲁莫尔讨论两个准男爵爵位的谈话中，同时在吃着糖酒浸桔片，早就忘掉了在她膝上的小宝宝，任他吓人地挥舞着胡桃钳子。我看到这种情况，心头真感不安。最后还是小珍妮看到宝宝的脑袋随时都有危险，便轻手轻脚地走过去，做了许多小动作，才哄骗着把这根危险的武器拿走。这时，鄱凯特夫人已吃完了桔片，见此很不以为是地对珍妮说道：
“你这顽皮的孩子，竟敢如此大胆？快回到你座位上去。”
“亲爱的妈妈，”小姑娘大着舌头说，“宝宝差点把眼珠子挖出来。”
“你怎么敢对我这么说话！”鄱特夫人骂道，“还不坐到你自己的椅子上！”
想不到鄱凯特夫人竟有如此的尊严，带有不可一世的压制性，使我都为她感到羞愧。我倒好像成了这一事件的肇事者，内心感到惴惴不安起来。
“白琳达，”鄱凯特先生在桌子的另一头劝告道，“这是你没有理，珍妮不过是为了宝宝不受伤害。”
“我不允许任何人来管我，”鄱凯特夫人反驳道，“马休，我真感到奇怪，你竟然当众说我不是。”
“我的老天啊！”鄱凯特先生感到一阵无可奈何的难过，大声说道，“难道眼睁睁让宝宝玩胡桃钳子送命，也不允许别人来救他吗？”
“我总不能让珍妮来干预我的事，”鄱凯特夫人反驳道，“我还记得我那已故祖父的地位。珍妮，哼！”她用庄严的目光扫了一眼这个无辜的小犯人。
鄱凯特先生又用双手抓住自己的头发，这次当真把自己从椅子上拎起了几英寸。“只要为了人家已故祖父的地位，就可以让宝宝们全都死在胡桃钳下。听听这是什么话！”他无可奈何地高声叹息着，然后便停下来，再不言语，保持沉默。
争吵进行时，我们大家都尴尬地望着桌布。一会儿争吵停息了，那个不懂虚假而又不受管束的宝宝却对着小珍妮跳跳蹦蹦、吵吵闹闹了好一会儿。我想，在这个家庭之中，不算保姆在内，她是这个小宝宝唯一认识的人了。
鄱凯特夫人说道：“德鲁莫尔先生，你拉一下铃把芙萝普莘叫来。珍妮，你这个不孝顺的讨债鬼，快到床上去睡觉。噢，宝宝乖乖，让妈抱你去睡吧。”
婴儿是不懂虚假、天真无邪的。他尽全身力气反抗着，在妈妈怀里乱蹿乱跳，结果蹿错了地方，小脸蛋儿看不见了，反而露出穿了一双绒线鞋的脚和两只生着小圆窝儿的脚踝。然而，无论他怎么叛逆，还是被带进了房。后来，小宝宝的反抗总算成功，因为几分钟后我从窗户看进去，珍妮已经在照顾他了。
另外五个孩子都没有地方去，留在了餐桌旁边，因为芙萝普莘正忙着她自己的私事，又没有别的人来照顾他们。通过观察，我这才知道鄱凯特先生和孩子们之间关系的一二，不妨下面举几个例子就可以了解其大概。这时鄱凯特先生脸上的神情比刚才更加迷惘了，他头发乱七八糟，愣愣地望了孩子们好一会儿，仿佛他弄不清楚为什么他们会住在这个家庭之中，为什么上天不把他们一一分配到别的家庭中去。然后，他用冷淡疏远的传教士般的语气向他们问这问那——比如问问小乔的衣服褶边上为什么有个洞，小乔说：“爸，芙萝普莘说她一有时间就会把它补好”；再问问小芬妮为什么生了甲沟炎，她说：“爸，米耐丝说，只要她想起来就会给我上药”。然后，他天良发现，表现出一分父亲的温柔，给他们每人一个先令，叫他们出去玩耍。接着他们都跑了出去，而他却竭尽全力用双手抓住头发把自己拎起来，然后那些无法解决的疑问又在他心中消失了。
晚上这里的河上可以划船。德鲁莫尔和斯塔特普各租了一条船，我也决定驾驶一条小船，而且要赶过他们。说老实话，只要乡下孩子会玩的东西我全都在行。当然，我也意识到在泰晤士河上划船，我那种划船的样子是不够风度的，而在其他河上划船就不存在这问题。当时，在我们下水的台阶旁有一位得过划船比赛奖的船夫在招呼生意，于是我的新伙伴便介绍我向他学划船。这位有着实际划船经验的权威一开始就弄得我很狼狈，因为他一见到我便说我天生有一副打铁的胳膊。如果他有先见之明，知道这种客套话会失去一个徒弟，我想他是不会说出这话的。
晚上我们回来后每人吃了一盘晚餐，我想要是家中没有发生一件不愉快的事情，我们一定会过得十分高兴的。当时鄱凯特先生正兴高采烈，一位女佣人走了进来对他说道：“老爷，如果你高兴的话，我有些话要和你说。”
“你要和老爷说话？”鄱凯特夫人感到自己的尊严大受损伤，说道，“你真想得出来！有事去找芙萝普莘讲，要么改个时间和我讲。”
“对不起，夫人，”这位女佣人说道，“我希望现在就说，而且要对老爷说。”
于是鄱凯特先生便走出房间，而我们在等他回来时便尽量找些事情打发时间。
“白琳达，你看这还成什么体统！”鄱凯特先生一脸的忧愁和失望，走回来说道，“女厨喝得酩酊大醉，不省人事地躺在厨房的地上，橱子里还藏着一大块新鲜黄油，准备拿出去卖掉。”
鄱凯特夫人立刻表现出非常温和的神情，说道：“肯定是那个臭索菲娅干的好事！”
“白琳达，你说的是什么意思？”鄱凯特先生问道。
“索菲娅已经把事情告诉你了，”鄱凯特夫人说道，“刚才我不是看到她走进房里一定要和你说话？这全是我亲眼所见的啊，这也是我亲耳所听到的啊。”
“白琳达，刚才她是把我带到楼下去，”鄱凯特先生答道，“把那个女厨子和那块黄油指给我看。”
鄱凯特夫人抢白道：“马休，我看你在为她做的坏事辩护。”
鄱凯特先生只有发出一声郁郁不乐的叹息。
“我这个亲祖父的亲孙女儿，难道在这个家里全无讲话的余地吗？”鄱凯特夫人说道，“再说，这女厨子一直是一位很值得尊敬的女人，她以最真诚的态度对我说过，她感到我天生就是公爵夫人。这还是她刚刚来这里时对我讲的。”
鄱凯特先生正站在一张沙发旁边，一听这话，就好像一位将死的格斗士，跌倒在沙发上。我想我最好还是告别去就寝，于是他又用将死的格斗士的声音对我说道：“晚安，皮普先生。”那声音空洞沙哑。