Chapter 13
IT was a trial to my feelings, on the next day but one, to see Joe arraying himself in his Sunday clothes to accompany me to Miss Havisham's. However, as he thought his court-suit necessary to the occasion, it was not for me tell him that he looked far better in his working dress; the rather, because I knew he made himself so dreadfully uncomfortable, entirely on my account, and that it was for me he pulled up his shirt-collar so very high behind, that it made the hair on the crown of his head stand up like a tuft of feathers.
At breakfast time my sister declared her intention of going to town with us, and being left at Uncle Pumblechook's and called for `when we had done with our fine ladies' - a way of putting the case, from which Joe appeared inclined to augur the worst. The forge was shut up for the day, and Joe inscribed in chalk upon the door (as it was his custom to do on the very rare occasions when he was not at work) the monosyllable HOUT, accompanied by a sketch of an arrow supposed to be flying in the direction he had taken.
We walked to town, my sister leading the way in a very large beaver bonnet, and carrying a basket like the Great Seal of England in plaited straw, a pair of pattens, a spare shawl, and an umbrella, though it was a fine bright day. I am not quite clear whether these articles were carried penitentially or ostentatiously; but, I rather think they were displayed as articles of property - much as Cleopatra or any other sovereign lady on the Rampage might exhibit her wealth in a pageant or procession.
When we came to Pumblechook's, my sister bounced in and left us. As it was almost noon, Joe and I held straight on to Miss Havisham's house. Estella opened the gate as usual, and, the moment she appeared, Joe took his hat off and stood weighing it by the brim in both his hands: as if he had some urgent reason in his mind for being particular to half a quarter of an ounce.
Estella took no notice of either of us, but led us the way that I knew so well. I followed next to her, and Joe came last. When I looked back at Joe in the long passage, he was still weighing his hat with the greatest care, and was coming after us in long strides on the tips of his toes.
Estella told me we were both to go in, so I took Joe by the coat-cuff and conducted him into Miss Havisham's presence. She was seated at her dressing-table, and looked round at us immediately.
`Oh!' said she to Joe. `You are the husband of the sister of this boy?'
I could hardly have imagined dear old Joe looking so unlike himself or so like some extraordinary bird; standing, as he did, speechless, with his tuft of feathers ruffled, and his mouth open, as if he wanted a worm.
`You are the husband,' repeated Miss Havisham, `of the sister of this boy?'
It was very aggravating; but, throughout the interview Joe persisted in addressing Me instead of Miss Havisham.
`Which I meantersay, Pip,' Joe now observed in a manner that was at once expressive of forcible argumentation, strict confidence, and great politeness, `as I hup and married your sister, and I were at the time what you might call (if you was anyways inclined) a single man.'
`Well!' said Miss Havisham. `And you have reared the boy, with the intention of taking him for your apprentice; is that so, Mr Gargery?'
`You know, Pip,' replied Joe, `as you and me were ever friends, and it were looked for'ard to betwixt us, as being calc'lated to lead to larks. Not but what, Pip, if you had ever made objections to the business - such as its being open to black and sut, or such-like - not but what they would have been attended to, don't you see?'
`Has the boy,' said Miss Havisham, `ever made any objection? Does he like the trade?'
`Which it is well beknown to yourself, Pip,' returned Joe, strengthening his former mixture of argumentation, confidence, and politeness, `that it were the wish of your own hart.' (I saw the idea suddenly break upon him that he would adapt his epitaph to the occasion, before he went on to say) `And there weren't no objection on your part, and Pip it were the great wish of your hart!'
It was quite in vain for me to endeavour to make him sensible that he ought to speak to Miss Havisham. The more I made faces and gestures to him to do it, the more confidential, argumentative, and polite, he persisted in being to Me.
`Have you brought his indentures with you?' asked Miss Havisham.
`Well, Pip, you know,' replied Joe, as if that were a little unreasonable, `you yourself see me put 'em in my 'at, and therefore you know as they are here.' With which he took them out, and gave them, not to Miss Havisham, but to me. I am afraid I was ashamed of the dear good fellow - I know I was ashamed of him - when I saw that Estella stood at the back of Miss Havisham's chair, and that her eyes laughed mischievously. I took the indentures out of his hand and gave them to Miss Havisham.
`You expected,' said Miss Havisham, as she looked them over, `no premium with the boy?'
`Joe!' I remonstrated; for he made no reply at all. `Why don't you answer--'
`Pip,' returned Joe, cutting me short as if he were hurt, `which I meantersay that were not a question requiring a answer betwixt yourself and me, and which you know the answer to be full well No. You know it to be No, Pip, and wherefore should I say it?'
Miss Havisham glanced at him as if she understood what he really was, better than I had thought possible, seeing what he was there; and took up a little bag from the table beside her.
`Pip has earned a premium here,' she said, `and here it is. There are five-and-twenty guineas in this bag. Give it to your master, Pip.'
As if he were absolutely out of his mind with the wonder awakened in him by her strange figure and the strange room, Joe, even at this pass, persisted in addressing me.
`This is wery liberal on your part, Pip,' said Joe, `and it is as such received and grateful welcome, though never looked for, far nor near nor nowheres. And now, old chap,' said Joe, conveying to me a sensation, first of burning and then of freezing, for I felt as if that familiar expression were applied to Miss Havisham; `and now, old chap, may we do our duty! May you and me do our duty, both on us by one and another, and by them which your liberal present - have - conweyed - to be - for the satisfaction of mind - of - them as never--' here Joe showed that he felt he had fallen into frightful difficulties, until he triumphantly rescued himself with the words, `and from myself far be it!' These words had such a round and convincing sound for him that he said them twice.
`Good-bye, Pip!' said Miss Havisham. `Let them out, Estella.'
`Am I to come again, Miss Havisham?' I asked.
`No. Gargery is your master now. Gargery! One word!'
Thus calling him back as I went out of the door, I heard her say to Joe, in a distinct emphatic voice, `The boy has been a good boy here, and that is his reward. Of course, as an honest man, you will expect no other and no more.'
How Joe got out of the room, I have never been able to determine; but, I know that when he did get out he was steadily proceeding up-stairs instead of coming down, and was deaf to all remonstrances until I went after him and laid hold of him. In another minute we were outside the gate, and it was locked, and Estella was gone.
When we stood in the daylight alone again, Joe backed up against a wall, and said to me, `Astonishing!' And there he remained so long, saying `Astonishing' at intervals, so often, that I began to think his senses were never coming back. At length he prolonged his remark into `Pip, I do assure you this is as-TONishing!' and so, by degrees, became conversational and able to walk away.
I have reason to think that Joe's intellects were brightened by the encounter they had passed through, and that on our way to Pumblechook's he invented a subtle and deep design. My reason is to be found in what took place in Mr Pumblechook's parlour: where, on our presenting ourselves, my sister sat in conference with that detested seedsman.
`Well?' cried my sister, addressing us both at once. `And what's happened to you? I wonder you condescend to come back to such poor society as this, I am sure I do!'
`Miss Havisham,' said Joe, with a fixed look at me, like an effort of remembrance, `made it wery partick'ler that we should give her - were it compliments or respects, Pip?'
`Compliments,' I said.
`Which that were my own belief,' answered Joe - `her compliments to Mrs J. Gargery--'
`Much good they'll do me!' observed my sister; but rather gratified too.
`And wishing,' pursued Joe, with another fixed look at me, like another effort to remembrance, `that the state of Miss Havisham's elth were sitch as would have - allowed, were it, Pip?'
`Of her having the pleasure,' I added.
`Of ladies' company,' said Joe. And drew a long breath.
`Well!' cried my sister, with a mollified glance at Mr Pumblechook. `She might have had the politeness to send that message at first, but it's better late than never. And what did she give young Rantipole here?'
`She giv' him,' said Joe, `nothing.'
Mrs Joe was going to break out, but Joe went on.
`What she giv',' said Joe, `she giv' to his friends. "And by his friends," were her explanation, "I mean into the hands of his sister Mrs J. Gargery." Them were her words; "Mrs J. Gargery." She mayn't have know'd,' added Joe, with an appearance of reflection, `whether it were Joe, or Jorge.'
My sister looked at Pumblechook: who smoothed the elbows of his wooden armchair, and nodded at her and at the fire, as if he had known all about it beforehand.
`And how much have you got?' asked my sister, laughing. Positively, laughing!
`What would present company say to ten pound?' demanded Joe.
`They'd say,' returned my sister, curtly, `pretty well. Not too much, but pretty well.'
`It's more than that, then,' said Joe.
That fearful Impostor, Pumblechook, immediately nodded, and said, as he rubbed the arms of his chair: `It's more than that, Mum.'
`Why, you don't mean to say--' began my sister.
`Yes I do, Mum,' said Pumblechook; `but wait a bit. Go on, Joseph. Good in you! Go on!'
`What would present company say,' proceeded Joe, `to twenty pound?'
`Handsome would be the word,' returned my sister.
`Well, then,' said Joe, `It's more than twenty pound.'
That abject hypocrite, Pumblechook, nodded again, and said, with a patronizing laugh, `It's more than that, Mum. Good again!Follow her up, Joseph!'
`Then to make an end of it,' said Joe, delightedly handing the bag to my sister; `it's five-and-twenty pound.'
`It's five-and-twenty pound, Mum,' echoed that basest of swindlers, Pumblechook, rising to shake hands with her; `and it's no more than your merits (as I said when my opinion was asked), and I wish you joy of the money!'
If the villain had stopped here, his case would have been sufficiently awful, but he blackened his guilt by proceeding to take me into custody, with a right of patronage that left all his former criminality far behind.
`Now you see, Joseph and wife,' said Pumblechook, as he took me by the arm above the elbow, `I am one of them that always go right through with what they've begun. This boy must be bound, out of hand. That's my way. Bound out of hand.'
`Goodness knows, Uncle Pumblechook,' said my sister (grasping the money), `we're deeply beholden to you.'
`Never mind me, Mum, returned that diabolical corn-chandler. `A pleasure's a pleasure, all the world over. But this boy, you know; we must have him bound. I said I'd see to it - to tell you the truth.'
The Justices were sitting in the Town Hall near at hand, and we at once went over to have me bound apprentice to Joe in the Magisterial presence. I say, we went over, but I was pushed over by Pumblechook, exactly as if I had that moment picked a pocket or fired a rick; indeed, it was the general impression in Court that I had been taken red-handed, for, as Pumblechook shoved me before him through the crowd, I heard some people say, `What's he done?' and others, `He's a young 'un, too, but looks bad, don't he? One person of mild and benevolent aspect even gave me a tract ornamented with a woodcut of a malevolent young man fitted up with a perfect sausage-shop of fetters, and entitled, TO BE READ IN MY CELL.
The Hall was a queer place, I thought, with higher pews in it than a church - and with people hanging over the pews looking on - and with mighty Justices (one with a powdered head) leaning back in chairs, with folded arms, or taking snuff, or going to sleep, or writing, or reading the newspapers - and with some shining black portraits on the walls, which my unartistic eye regarded as a composition of hardbake and sticking-plaister. Here, in a corner, my indentures were duly signed and attested, and I was `bound;' Mr Pumblechook holding me all the while as if we had looked in on our way to the scaffold, to have those little preliminaries disposed of.
When we had come out again, and had got rid of the boys who had been put into great spirits by the expectation of seeing me publicly tortured, and who were much disappointed to find that my friends were merely rallying round me, we went back to Pumblechook's. And there my sister became so excited by the twenty-five guineas, that nothing would serve her but we must have a dinner out of that windfall, at the Blue Boar, and that Pumblechook must go over in his chaise-cart, and bring the Hubbles and Mr Wopsle.
It was agreed to be done; and a most melancholy day I passed. For, it inscrutably appeared to stand to reason, in the minds of the whole company, that I was an excrescence on the entertainment. And to make it worse, they all asked me from time to time - in short, whenever they had nothing else to do - why I didn't enjoy myself. And what could I possibly do then, but say I was enjoying myself - when I wasn't?
However, they were grown up and had their own way, and they made the most of it. That swindling Pumblechook, exalted into the beneficent contriver of the whole occasion, actually took the top of the table; and, when he addressed them on the subject of my being bound, and had fiendishly congratulated them on my being liable to imprisonment if I played at cards, drank strong liquors, kept late hours or bad company, or indulged in other vagaries which the form of my indentures appeared to contemplate as next to inevitable, he placed me standing on a chair beside him, to illustrate his remarks.
My only other remembrances of the great festival are, That they wouldn't let me go to sleep, but whenever they saw me dropping off, woke me up and told me to enjoy myself. That, rather late in the evening Mr Wopsle gave us Collins's ode, and threw his bloodstain'd sword in thunder down, with such effect, that a waiter came in and said, `The Commercials underneath sent up their compliments, and it wasn't the Tumblers' Arms.' That, they were all in excellent spirits on the road home, and sang O Lady Fair! Mr Wopsle taking the bass, and asserting with a tremendously strong voice (in reply to the inquisitive bore who leads that piece of music in a most impertinent manner, by wanting to know all about everybody's private affairs) that he was the man with his white locks flowing, and that he was upon the whole the weakest pilgrim going.
Finally, I remember that when I got into my little bedroom I was truly wretched, and had a strong conviction on me that I should never like Joe's trade. I had liked it once, but once was not now.
第三天，乔用他那件周日礼服把自己包装起来，准备陪我去郝维仙小姐的家。看他穿衣服时，我感到这对他来说就等于是一场灾难。他以为遇到如此的重大场合必须穿上这套礼服，虽然他穿上普通的工装要比穿礼服神气得多。我想我也没有必要对他说这些话，因为我心中明白，他用这套十分不合身的衣服包装自己完全是为了我。那片衬衫领子在他脖子后面高得使他头顶上的头发都竖得直挺挺的，好像一簇羽毛。
吃早饭的时候，我姐姐宣布她和我们一起到镇上去，然后留在彭波契克舅舅家等我们，要我们和那些高贵的女士们办完事后到那里叫她一声。听她的意思，这对乔是个大大的坏兆头。这天铁匠铺停工，乔用粉笔在门上写了个单音节词“出”。虽然有一天不工作是难得的，但每遇到这一天他就要告诉人家。这是他的老习惯。他不仅写字，还要配一幅画，画的是一支箭，箭射出的方向指明他的去向。
我们步行到镇上去，我姐姐在前头领路，头上戴着一顶很大的海獭皮帽子，手上拎着一只草编篮子，真像英国国玺一般宝贵。尽管这是一个晴天，她脚上却穿了一双木套鞋，颈上围了一条平时不用的围巾，另外，还带了一把伞。我弄不懂她带这么多东西究竟是为了找苦头吃，还是为了表示自己东西多。我以为这一定是为了夸耀自己有钱，非常像埃及女王克莉奥佩特娜或者其他的女王陛下。她们在大发雷霆时，便会在出游或巡视时夸耀其财富。
我们一抵达彭波契克的家门，我姐姐便一溜烟奔进去，留下了我们两人。这时已接近中午，乔和我径直去郝维仙小姐的家。埃斯苔娜像往常一样为我们开了门。乔看到她时便脱下帽子，双手抓住帽边，直挺挺地站着，估量着帽子有多重，好像在这紧要时刻必须斤斤计较，毫厘不让似的。
埃斯苔娜根本就不理我们两人，只是领着我们走着我十分熟悉的路。我跟在她后面，而乔跟在我后面，走在长长的过道里。我回过头去望他，他还是十分小心地掂量着帽子，踮着脚尖大步地跟随在后。
埃斯苔娜叫我们两人一起进去，所以我拉着乔的礼服衣袖，将他带到郝维仙小姐的面前。她正坐在梳妆台前面，立刻转过身来不住地打量着我们。
她对乔说道：“哦！你就是这孩子的姐夫吗？”
我真没有想到我这位亲爱的老伙计乔今天的样子完全变了，简直像一只离奇古怪的小鸟，直挺挺地站着，一言不发，头上竖着一簇羽毛，张着一张嘴，仿佛他想要吃小虫一样。
郝维仙小姐又重复了一句：“你是这个孩子的姐夫吗？”
情况够尴尬的，整个这次会面，乔坚持要对着我说话，而不敢对郝维仙小姐说一句。
“皮普，我的意思是说，”乔说着，“我娶你姐姐为妻是符合我的心仪（意）的，那时候我被叫成单身汉（不管怎样就是单身汉）。”他说得有声有色，有条有理，令人信服且彬彬有礼。
“嗯！”郝维仙小姐说道，“葛奇里先生你抚养了这个孩子，还打算让他当你的学徒，是不是这样？”
“你知道，皮普，”乔答道，“因为你和我永远是朋友，我们两人都盼望有这一天，巴望这一天的到来会使我们走运。不过，皮普，你要是反对干这个行当——满身会给弄得全是黑黑的煤烟——你究竟愿不愿干这个行当，你说呢？”
郝维仙小姐说道：“这孩子提出过反对的意见吗？他喜欢于这一行吗？”
“这一点你自己最清楚，皮普，”乔答道，这一次说得更为有声有色。有条有理，令人信服且彬彬有礼，“你是出自内心的希望想干这一行。”（我看他一定是突然想起他自己撰写的两行墓志铭了，很想朗诵一下，不过他却接下去说）“你没有提过什么反对意见，皮普，你是出自内心的希望想干这一行。”
我想努力提醒他，要他意识到他应该对郝维仙小姐讲这些话，不过我的用心全然无效。我越是对他扮鬼脸，做手势，他越是对着我讲，而且有坚持到底的决心，说得那么令人信服、有条有理，而且十分有礼貌。
“你带来了你们两人订的师徒合同了吗？”郝维仙小姐问道。
“噢，皮普，你知道，”乔答道；仿佛这是没有必要提的问题，“你亲眼看见我把它放在我的帽子中的，当然，它还在那儿。”说着他便从帽子中把它取出，但没有交给郝维仙小姐，而是交给了我。我想我这位老朋友真让我丢人现眼，他确实使我丢尽了脸面。这时，我看到站在郝维仙小姐椅子后面的埃斯苔娜，她眼睛中闪现出带有恶意的笑。于是我从他手中接过师徒合同，把它交给郝维仙小姐。
郝维仙小姐看完了合同，问道：“你不想要这个孩子给你谢师礼吗？”
“乔！”我赶忙提醒道，因为乔听了根本没有讲话。“你怎么不说话啊——”
“皮普，”乔突然打断了我的话，仿佛刚才她的话伤了他的心，“我的意思是这是一个不需要问的问题，在你我之间是明摆着的，你一定知道我的回答是完全不要。皮普，你既然知道我一定不要，你为什么还要我来说呢？”
郝维仙小姐看了他一眼，仿佛已经看透了他的品质，知道他确是个不错的人。这是我根本没有想到的事。然后，她就从身旁的一张桌子上拿起一个小袋子。
“皮普已经在这儿挣得了谢师礼，”她说道，“这就是。袋子里有二十五个金币。皮普，拿去给你的师父。”
似乎女主人的奇怪模样和这奇怪的房间使乔惊异得不知所措了，即使在这个关口，他还是固执地对着我说话。
“皮普，你太慷慨大方了，”乔说道，“我这就领你情了，我是非常感谢，不过我从来没有想过要它，而且一丁点儿也没有想要过。好吧，老朋友。”乔说道。他这一叫使我大受其苦，先是浑身发烫，然后又全身冰凉，因为我以为他在用这个亲切的称呼叫郝维仙小姐呢。“好吧，我的老朋友，愿我们合作成功！愿你和我都尽其职守！为了你我相互之间的情谊，为了这笔慷慨大方的礼金——可——使——他们——心满意足了——因为他们从未——”说到这里，乔感到不知道说什么是好，随即便说了句“我可是不想要”，这真是凯旋般地救了他自己。这句话他一连说了两遍，说得既流利，又令人信服。
“皮普，再见吧！”郝维仙小姐说道，“埃斯苔娜，送他们出去吧。”
“郝维仙小姐，我还要再来吗？”我问道。
“不用再来了，现在葛奇里是你的师父了。葛奇里！还有一句话！”
我正要跨出房门，他又被叫回去了。我听到她对他一字一句清清楚楚地说道：“这孩子在这里一直很好，那是给他的报酬。自然，你是一个老实人，不会要得更多，也不会再要的。”
乔是怎样从那房间走出来的，我是永远无法确定的。不过，我看到他一从房里出来，就坚定地向楼上走去，而不是走下楼梯。我一再叫他，他都仿佛没有听见似的，我只有赶上前去一把抓住他。一会儿，我们走出大门，埃斯苔娜把门锁上后便自顾走了。我们又回到了青天白日之下。乔把背靠在一堵墙上，对我说道：“太怪了！”过了好一会儿，又说，“大怪了！”而且一连说了好几次。我不得不想到是不是他的气憋过去，回不过来了。最后，他才拖长了音说道：“皮普，我敢打赌，这事太——怪——了！”然后，他渐渐地清楚起来，也能迈步走路了。
我有充分的理由认为，乔经历了这一次的拜访已经开了窍，增长了见识，所以在我们去到彭波契克家的路上，他想出了一个巧妙且富有深刻意义的主意。从下面在彭波契克先生家的客厅中所发生的事便可见其端倪。我们走进去时，我姐姐正坐在那里和那位令人讨厌的种子商人聊天。
“嗬！”我姐姐一看到我们两人便立刻大声说道，“你们怎么样了？我可没想到你们还会屈尊大驾又回到这种寒酸的地方来，我的确没有想到。”
乔盯视着我，好像努力在回忆什么，然后说道：“郝维仙小姐特别要我们给你姐姐，皮普，是给她问安还是致意？”
“是问安。”我答道。
“我也相信是问安，”乔说道，“她向乔·葛奇里夫人问安——”
“好像问安就对我有什么了不起呢！”我姐姐如此说着，内心却充满了喜悦。
乔又盯视着我，好像又在努力回忆什么，然后说道：“郝维仙小姐希望在她的身体状况转好一些儿的时候她会——她想，皮普，她是说什么来的？”
“她会恭请。”我补充道。
“她会恭请夫人去。”乔说道，然后倒吸了一口长长的气。
“真棒！”我姐姐大声说道，用一种宽慰的眼光看着彭波契克先生。“她可算是懂礼貌的，她早该带来这个口信，虽说迟了一点，但迟到的消息总比没有要好。还有，她给这个小野东西什么没有？”
乔答道：“她什么也没有给他。”
我姐姐正准备发火，乔又接着说道：
“她倒是给了东西，但她给的是皮普的至亲，用她自己的话来说，‘所谓给皮普的至亲，就是交给他的姐姐，J．葛奇里夫人，而且要交在她的手中。’她就是这么说的，‘J．葛奇里夫人’。”乔好像沉思了片刻，又补充说道：“也许她不知道我的名字究竟是乔还是乔治，所以才用J的。”
我姐姐望着彭波契克，他正在抚摸着他那木制靠背椅的扶手，一会儿对她点点头，一会儿又看看炉火，仿佛他早就预料到了所发生的一切。
“你们究竟拿到多少钱？”我姐姐面带笑容地问道。确确实实是面带笑容！
“你们这里的各位说说看，十镑钱够了吗？”乔反问他们。
“十镑就不错了，”我姐姐简洁地答道，“当然不算太多，但已不错了。”
“那么就不止十镑，”乔说道。
那个可怕的骗子彭波契克立刻点点头，一面摸着椅子的两个扶手，一面说道：“夫人，是不止这个数目。”
“那，你的意思是不是说——”我姐姐说。
“是的，我是这个意思，夫人，”彭波契克说道，“不过先等一会儿。约瑟夫，你说下去。你真不错，说下去。”
乔又说道：“你们这里的各位说说看，H十镑怎么样？”
“那是一笔可观的金额了。”我姐姐答道。
“唔，可是还不止二十镑呢。”乔说道。
那个卑鄙的虚伪家伙彭波契克又点着他的头，带了一副恩人的面孔笑着说：“夫人，是不止这个数目。好样儿的！约瑟夫，你就告诉她吧。”
“那就告诉你实话吧，”乔满心欢喜地把钱袋子递给了姐姐，说，“一共是二十五镑。”
“夫人，这是二十五镑啊，”这个世上最可耻的骗子手彭波契克应声说道，“像你这样贤惠的夫人，受之无愧（过去问到我的看法，我都是这个回答）。我可恭喜你发财了！’他说着便和我姐姐握手道喜。
如果仅仅如此，他已经是可恶到了极点，可他偏不肯罢休，还得恶上加恶，紧抓住我不放，俨然以一个恩人自居。他表现出的恶行大大超过了刚才的一切。
“约瑟夫，你们夫妻二位瞧瞧，”彭波契克先生说着，抓住了我胳膊的上半部，“我就是这种办事认真的人，只要事情一开头，就要一抓到底。这个孩子一定得去当学徒。这是我的主张，把他送去当学徒。”
“彭波契克舅舅，”我姐姐说道（说时紧紧地抓住钱袋），“老天知道我是多么深切地感谢您啊！”
“夫人，小事一件，何足挂齿，”这个十恶不赦的粮食贩子答道，“天下一般，相助为乐。不过对于这个孩子，你看，一定得送去当学徒。我说过我得来管管这事，这是实在话。”
法院就设在镇公所的大楼里，离此地颇近。我们立即赶到那里去，要在威严的官老爷面前办好我和乔的师徒合同。我说得好听点，是赶到那里去，其实我是被彭波契克连推带拖地拉去的，好像我刚刚偷过人家袋中的钱，或者放火烧掉了一个草堆。确实，到了法庭，人家的印象是我因为作案被当场抓住了。彭波契克一路推着我穿过法庭中的人群，我听到有人说：“他犯了什么事？”又有人说：“这是个小孩子呢，可看上去就很坏，不是吗？”还有一位生着温和慈善面孔的人给了我一本因果报应的小册子，上面印着一幅木刻画，是一个邪恶的少年，身上的镣铐之多就像腊肠店中挂满了的腊肠，小册子的标题是：“牢中训戒。”
在我的眼里，镇公所是个古怪的地方，这里的座位比教堂中的座位更高，人们好像是挂在上面一样。有几个大法官倚靠在坐椅上，其中一个在头上扑了香粉。他们有的交叉着手臂，有的在嗅着鼻烟，还有的正在打瞌睡、在写字，或者在读报。镇公所的墙壁上挂了几幅油黑发亮的画，就我这个对艺术毫无欣赏能力的人来看，还以为是一个盛了杏仁糖和橡皮膏的大拼盘呢。就在镇公所里的一角，我的学徒合同正式签定，并办好了公证手续，于是我便“成了学徒”。彭波契克先生一直抓住我不松手，好像我是路过这里来办一些必要的小手续，然后就要被送往断头台处决一样。
办完一切后我们走出镇公所，摆脱了那帮看热闹的孩子。他们本来都怀着极大的兴趣来看我当众受拷问的，但是发现围在我旁边的都是我的至亲，于是不得不扫兴离开。我们回到彭波契克家。我姐姐因为有了二十五块金币高兴非凡，一定要从这笔横财中拿出一些来请大家吃饭，而且要到蓝野猪饭店去吃，还要彭波契克舅舅乘马车去把胡卜夫妇及沃甫赛先生一并请来。
大家对此是一致赞成，而这一天却是我遇到的最愁苦的日子。有些事真是不可思议，他们在心里竟都自鸣得意地认为，整个欢乐场合中唯有我是个多余的东西，更糟糕的是他们还要不断地问我这问我那。简而言之，只要他们一没事于，就会把我当成活靶子，问我为什么郁郁不欢。我确是郁郁不欢，可是又有什么办法呢，只能说我是挺快活的。
可他们都是大人了，可以想怎么于就怎么干，要怎么做就怎么做，那位喜欢骗人的彭波契克先生更是如此。大家捧他是创造仁爱的人，他就沾沾自喜得不可一世。他坐在桌子的首席上座，向大家高谈阔论着我的学徒成因，而且像恶魔似的幸灾乐祸地对大家大吹特吹，说以后如果我打牌、饮烈酒、夜晚返归，或者交上坏朋友，或者沉溺于违背合同规定的各种各样的恶习，就得被抓进牢房，他还让我站到他旁边的一张椅子上，作为他胡言乱语的一幅插图。
我还记得一些这次伟大宴会上的插曲。他们不让我睡觉，一看到我想打瞌睡，立刻就把我叫醒，要我找点儿快乐。那天弄得很晚，沃甫赛先生给大家唱了柯林斯的歌，慷慨激昂，把他那被血染污过的宝剑在雷电中抛下人间。这一吵闹招来了茶房，他说：“对不起，楼下的客人们向诸位问好，说这里不是摔跤打仗的地方。”后来我记得我们一行在回家的路上，高唱着《噢，丽人儿！》时，沃甫赛先生表演男低音，用非常强硬的语调回答领唱者态度极端无礼地提出的许多问题，想要知道每一个人的私事，说他是已经飘起白发之人，居然提出这些问题，看来在去天国的途中是进不了天国之门的。
最后，我还记得，我回到那间很小的卧室，感到十分的不快，心头涌现出一个强烈的信念：我再也不喜欢乔的那个行当了。过去我曾经喜欢过乔的行当，但现在已和过去不同了。