41

41

I long to speak the deepest words I have to say to you; but I dare not, for fear you should laugh.

我想对你说出我要说的最深的话语,我不敢,我怕你哂笑。

That is why I laugh at myself and shatter my secret in jest.

因此我嘲笑自己,把我的秘密在玩笑中打碎。

I make light of my pain, afraid you should do so.

我把我的痛苦说得轻松,因为怕你会这样做。

I long to tell you the truest words I have to say you; but I dare not, being afraid that you would not believe them.

我想对你说出我要说的最真的话语,我不敢,我怕你不信。

That is why I disguise them in untruth, saying the contrary of what I mean.

因此我弄真成假,说出和我的真心相反的话。

I make my pain appear absurd, afraid that you should do so.

我把我的痛苦说得可笑,因为我怕你会这样做。

I long to use the most precious words I have for you; but I dare not, fearing I should not be paid with like value.

我想用最宝贵的名词来形容你,我不敢,我怕得不到相当的酬报。

That is why I give you hard names and boast of my callous strength.

因此我给你安上苛刻的名字,而夸示我的硬骨。

I hurt you, for fear you would never know any pain.

我伤害你,因为怕你永远不知道我的痛苦。

I long to sit silent by you; but I dare not lest my heart come out at my lips.

我渴望静默地坐在你的身旁,我不敢,怕我的心会跳到我的唇上。

That is why I prattle and chatter lightly and hide my heart behind words.

因此我轻松地说东道西,把我的心藏在语言的后面。

I rudely handle my pain, for fear you should do so.

我粗暴地对待我的痛苦,因为我怕你会这样做。

I long to go away from your side; but I dare not, for fear my cowardice should become known to you.

我渴望从你身边走开,我不敢,怕你看出我的懦怯。

That is why I hold my head high and carelessly come into your presence.

因此我随随便便地昂着走到你的面前。

Constant thrusts from your eyes keep my pain fresh for ever.

从你眼里频频掷来的刺激,使我的痛苦永远新鲜。