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Of course I should have got rid of you. I should have shaken you out of my life[14a] as a man shakes from his raiment a thing that has stung him. In the most wonderful of all his plays[14.1] ?schylus[14b] tells us of the great Lord who brings up in his house the lion-cub, the λ?οντο? ?vιν, and loves it because it comes bright-eyed to his call and fawns on him for its food φαιδρωπò? ποτì χε?ρα, σαíνων τε γαστρò? ?νáγκαι?. And the thing grows up and shows the nature of its race, ?θο? τò πρóσθε τοκ?ων, and destroys the lord and his house and all that he possesses. I feel that I was such a one as he. But my fault was, not that I did not part from you, but that I parted from you far too often. As far as I can make out I ended my friendship with you every three months regularly, and each time that I did so you managed by means of entreaties, telegrams, letters, the interposition of your friends, the interposition of mine, and the like to induce me to allow you back. When at the end of March ’93 you left my house at Torquay I had determined never to speak to you again, or to allow you under any circumstances to be with me, so revolting had been the scene you had made the night before your departure[14c]. You wrote and telegraphed from Bristol to beg me to forgive you and meet you. Your tutor, who had stayed behind, told me that he thought that at times you were quite irresponsible for what you said and did, and that most, if not all, of the men at Magdalen were of the same opinion. I consented to meet you, and of course I forgave you. On the way up to town you begged me to take you to the Savoy. That was indeed a visit fatal to me. 当然了,我本该把你甩掉的。本该把你从我的生活中甩掉[14a],就像从衣服上抖掉一根扎人的刺。古希腊的大剧作家埃斯库罗斯[14b]在他的一出最好的戏剧中给我们讲了一个大公的故事。他在自己家里养了一头小狮子,对它疼爱有加,因为那小家伙大公一叫就眼睛亮闪闪地跑过来,要东西吃时就朝他摇尾巴。等这家伙长大了,本相毕露,把大公本人、他的房子和财产全毁了。我觉得自己就跟那大公一样。但我的错不是没离开你,而是太经常离开你了。照我算来,每三个月我就想把同你的友谊断掉。而每次要同你一刀两断时,你总是通过哀求、电报、书信、你的或我的朋友来说情等诸如此类的手段,要我让你回来。在1 8 9 3年3月底你离开我在托基的家时,我下过决心从此不再和你说话,无论如何不让你跟我在一起,因为你离开前那天晚上大吵大闹了一通,实在叫人受不了[14c]。于是你就从布里斯托尔又是写信又是拍电报,求我原谅,同你再见面。你的导师没走,他告诉我说他觉得有时你无法对自己的说话做事负责,在莫德林学院的人,如果不是全部也大部分持有这种看法。我答应了见你,当然也原谅了你。在去城里的路上,你求我带你去萨瓦伊酒店。那一趟对我的确是致命的。
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